Feel like I hate my son

Tamala - posted on 02/09/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

5

0

1

I'm there moms! Had yet another blow up tonight. Just waiting for either my husband or son to knock each other out first. I noticed that if I ask him first, and not yell about it, it goes ok. As soon as I get a little bit angry, all hell breaks loose and he's swearing at me, telling me to get the f-ck out and etc etc. He has hit me before punched holes in walls, Windows, cops called. Blah blah blah. His father has been to anger management and is way better, but still he won't back off of a argument and makes it worse. Our son is 18 now, not working, but looking. We told him to get the f-ck out before but refuses. My 26 yr old daughter hates him and my 23 yr old son hates him. They never ever talk. He's just so disrespectful it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I feel there is hope for him but no one else does. I do truly wish he would leave. He has a job interview on sat. I hope he gets it so he can move on.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dove - posted on 02/10/2016

11,894

0

1350

Talk to a lawyer, serve him legal eviction papers... when the date on the eviction comes have the police remove him from the home.

Personally I think you could all benefit from some serious counseling as well before someone ends up in jail for assault.

Jodi - posted on 02/10/2016

3,562

36

3907

Well, obviously if dad has anger management issues, then your son has learned this behaviour, so you can't expect the child to suddenly change if HE isn't also receiving some level of therapy about his anger. It sounds to me like dad needs a reality check too. The adults in the home have to stop yelling, stop getting angry, stop arguing and stop having conversations like "get the fuck out" (I mean, really? That's an adult way to have that conversation?).

You need to set up clear boundaries, have a contract outlining his responsibilities while he is living in your home, including his behaviour, and then if he can't live with that, then you can have him evicted.

However, this strategy requires that there are two ends to this contract, and you and his dad need to remain calm and matter-of-fact. Break the contract, and you're out. Don't argue. Don't respond. Go through the motions.

7 Comments

View replies by

Tamala - posted on 02/12/2016

5

0

1

Thanks to everyone's responses. :). I have tried the talking to him instead of instantly blaming and yelling..... And it is honestly working!!! God, something so simple. It's just been such a norm in our house that it honestly was like a routine. It's so sad. He's doing more around the house last couple of days and everyone seems so much happier. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. We will see how long this lasts. Thank you Jodi for your input!!!!!! 😂

Casey - posted on 02/12/2016

2

0

0

I have to admit, you have better patience and restraint than I would have...if he feels like he's grown enough to stand up to you and his dad, who put a roof over his head and food in his belly, let him see how well he can talk like that to someone else and how far it will get him!

Tamala - posted on 02/10/2016

5

0

1

Thank you! Agree!!!!!! Knowing him if we do an agreement he will laugh and rip it up and tell us to get the f-ck out of his face But, I will try anything at this point. He is 6ft 3 and about 210 pounds. He's a little intimidating when he's mad.

Raye - posted on 02/10/2016

3,761

0

21

I agree with Jodi. Your son is an adult, and needs to start being treated like one. That means he signs an agreement that he will live by your rules while living in your house. The agreement needs to be specific enough that you can point out the rule he has broken as being in the agreement. If something new comes up not covered in the agreement, then you can make a new one, or add on to the original with new signature that he agrees to the revision.

The rules should be age appropriate, now that he's an adult, and not be based on emotion (what rules would you have for a complete stranger that came into your house and rented a room?). He should keep the common area of the house free of his mess. If he eats your food, he needs to replace it or help pay for groceries. He needs to be respectful of the other adults that live there. If he comes home after a certain time, he needs to be quiet and not disturb your sleep. Things like that. If he continues to break the rules, then you give him a certain number of days before he has to move out or you can file eviction proceedings through the court.

Tamala - posted on 02/10/2016

5

0

1

Thank you!!!!! I am crying writing this, just for the fact that I finally talked to someone about this. After years of tension in the house and struggling with him I don't feel alone. I always try to keep the calm but when he's in my face screaming the most discusting words it's sooooo hard not to react. I am finding if I shut the door and leave it alone, when I go back I can actually let him know why I was upset. And yes!!!!! His father needs to grow up just as much. They argue and he walks away and then I hear about the bullshit for hours after and we fight. It's endless. He's still my son... Regardless!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms