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Trish - posted on 12/27/2010
You were a teenager once. Try and remember what you did that age...what you wanted from your parents. Tell your child that you love them everyday. Give them hugs...they may seem like "eww mum stop it" but deep down they like it...everyone likes to know that they are loved. Open up to your child and your child will open up to you (hopefully). And when they do...be cool...remember you were that age once.
P.S: if you suspect something really bad is happening...you gotta nip it in the bud. You'll need to snoop, look for diaries, in the back pack...snoop... if your child isn't letting you in on things. Talk to their friends. Tell your child "a fool learns from his own mistakes but a wise person learns from the mistakes of others"...
Just let them know that you are there if they need it. If you push you may end up making them more distant. As long as you dont suspect something that can cause them real harm let them figure it out. It may help to talk to another parent that you are friends with or a relative to help you with your feelings on the situation. If you dont have anyone you feel you can talk to about it all you could always talk a cousellor.
Terri - posted on 06/22/2009
I was a teenager not so long ago, and I guess the best advice is to try to let them learn on their own. I made thousands of mistakes that I'm sure my parents would have loved to help me with, but the things I learned are invaluable. Clearly, if you think there is something really bad going on(drug abuse, alcohol abuse, etc) keep a closer eye. The best is to let them deal with it on their own, while making sure that they know you are there if they need you. That's my 2 cents
Leigh - posted on 06/21/2009
Teenagers never want to tell their parents whats really happening in their lives, but if they need you, they will let you know. I have 3 teenage boys & my first born I was so close to when he was growing up, so it was a rude shock to be left out of his life & to have our rapport deminish to a series of grunts or monosyllable answers. But then he started to come around & I learnt that I really had to listen what he was telling me, alot of the time he didn't want a reaction or anything, he just wanted to be listened too. He also told me that he can understand how 'teens', get easily confused & think that their parents are 'judging them', & why some commit suicide. Be steady, keep your boundaries set & learn to listen.
Kerry - posted on 06/21/2009
Trust me - teenagers often don't want to talk to anyone about anything! That's part of being a teenager - they will find their own way through .. honestly!
Living with teeagers can be awful - remember - it's not you .. and you can't always "fix it" as you would like.... a lot of kids become difficult and isolate themselves as teenagers and all come out of it...good luck.. give them credit they will talk if they want to
Katherine - posted on 06/21/2009
I'd still let them know you are there to talk at any time, but I agree, if they need to talk to someone, suggest some other adult they trust other than yourself (ie aunt/uncle, teacher,...). If it's something serious (ie behavioral, substance abuse etc) a professional may be considered? Sometimes it's really hard to talk to a parent for fear of you judging them. I had a very hard time talking to my parents when I was a teenager, but desperately hoped someone would reach out to me...
Dawn - posted on 06/21/2009
I agree with Dawn... I have a pretty open relationship with my girls, they can usually come to me with anything, but I have found that they do talk to their aunt and uncle sometimes. I have never tried it but a friend of mine has given her kids journals, they use it to write back and forth, it seems to help to get things on paper that is sometimes harder to talk about face to face.
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