FEELING DOWNGRADED AS A YOUNG MOTHER

Cynthia - posted on 09/10/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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When people are holding my daughter, and she happens to cry or simply have a question about her, they ALWAYS go to my mother. Why? Im her mother, wouldn't they want the question to be answered by the person who knows best? I'm 20 years old, first time mom. I would understand if it has to do with things that I am learning myself but it is about her weight and her sleeping schedule and they always ask my mother. Also, even if they as me, my mother always answers for me before I could get to it. My daughter is now 5 weeks and 1 day, I know whats wrong with her now. However whenever my daughter is crying because she's just doing her thing as a baby, she immediately takes the baby from me or my husband off our hands and she tries to soothe her. It gets me mad and makes me emotional because thats my baby and someone else is attempting to do things that should only belong to the parents. We are already saving so we are able to move out because nobody lets us be the parents we are meant to be. My daughter is being burped and she cries after, my mother will come and say if we fed her and I say yes just a few minutes ago. She still proceeds to make her a bottle and if she happens to take it, she looks at me and says "see thats what she had". HELP ME

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Dove - posted on 09/12/2016

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It's her house, but it's your child. You are either going to have to confront her about it and make her stop... or bite your tongue until you move out. You do not have to be rude to let her know that this is your child to care for... She can not just take the baby out of your hands unless you LET her, so hold on to your kid and tell her 'no, I've got this'.

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Cynthia - posted on 09/14/2016

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My mother has been doing much better now. She offers to help but she eventually got the point that we are going to handle her ourselves. Thank you guys

Cynthia - posted on 09/12/2016

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yes, we have money but not the amount to pay for an apartment. we only pay my mother 300 for the room and we don't use or eat anything that doesn't come out of our pockets. & I have spoken to my mom about it but she only find a justification each time and I wasn't raised to be rude to her n or do i have the heart for it. Also, I am currently not working so its only the small amount I get paid as disability and my husbands income. We are waiting for me to go back to work and then be able to move out. Because I do agree that although we really aren't depending on her because we are paying her, its not us living for free, she still feels as if she has the right to do whatever she pleases because it is still her house.

Jodi - posted on 09/11/2016

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So why can't you find somewhere to rent elsewhere? What is holding you up from doing that? Is it just that you don't have the money for a bond on a rental?

And have you had a conversation with your mum about this?

Cynthia - posted on 09/11/2016

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We do pay rent to be living here and we are the ones providing food for the whole family. We have our own bills with everything, it just happens to be their home we are living in.

Jodi - posted on 09/10/2016

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My only advice is to move out and demonstrate that you are functioning adults who can raise your child on your own. At the moment, you are also the children, because you are clearly dependent upon your parents. Maybe once you can demonstrate that you can manage on your own without them, they will understand you are adults and can do it on your own. But as long as you are dependent on them, then you will still be viewed as children yourselves. If you were meant to be parents, you would be doing it yourselves in your own home.

Michelle - posted on 09/10/2016

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Maybe people assume that your Mother is the Mother. No need getting upset over that.
In regards to how your Mother treats you then you need to tell her to back off.
It's your child and you need to learn to do things for her. Let your Mother know that she isn't helping you by taking over all the time, that best way to help is to let you figure things out for yourself.
You are very young so she probably doesn't think you know what to do, you need to tell her.

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