feeling helpless

Amanda - posted on 12/06/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My name is Amanda and I'm a 26 yr old with 2 kids. Adriana will be 3 in Feb. And my beautiful baby boy ♥ Aiden would be turning 1 in Feb.,but he is in heaven watching over us now. His dad co-slept with him and killed him. I pretty sure he was on drugs. No one even tested him,so it was ruled accidental. He got away Scot free. My world has been turned upside down. And I just received papers to appear in court bc he wants custody. He has been in and out of my daughters life from the beginning. He would leave for days,wks,months, and I wouldn't hear from him. After my son passed he stuck around for a wk. Then he didn't call for 3 wks! Not even to ask how Adriana was coping with her brother's death. I could go on and on about why he shouldn't get custody but only supervised visits. I let him come see her now. He can come every wk.if he wants to. He usually comes every other wk.for a few hrs. I don't want him taking her anywhere. I do not trust him. Can't have him passing out while driving or watching her. I feel so much better with them here so I can be there if something were to happen. I love her so much and I can't lose her to. But his mommy paid for a lawyer, and I can't afford one. I need one bc I have to protect my baby. I don't know what exactly to do and I'm so scared. Please, if anyone has any advice at all....
Thx: Amanda and Adriana

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Amanda - posted on 12/09/2013

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I don't appreciate your negativity . This was my first time on this site, and my first post. I'm a young mom going through things no parent should ever have to go through (loss of my precious and innocent baby), and going through so much more. I was hoping for a helpful not an assumptious result. I really hope this does not indicate how how a majority of mothers are on this site. Because I'm just looking for support.

Amanda - posted on 12/07/2013

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Ya...he refused to give his UA's to the social worker that asked for them. I have caught him using. There's more but I just am not to good with trusting ppl.,or telling to much. I protected him for 4 1/2 yrs. You are right. I have no proof. Never called the cops on him for things he did to me and when neighbors called the cops, I was stupid and denied everything. I thought I loved him. Well now I don't know how I could of ever thought that. When I was preg.with Aiden, I cocktail waitresses 6 nights a wk. He didn't help with money for either kid...and wasn't around. I did it all. I picked up the pieces. Like always. Well I'm through. I know he can't take care of her. But Ya...again..u r correct. I have little proof. And all I want isto pprotect my daughter. With supervised visitations etc

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/06/2013

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YOu need to check with legal aid, or law colleges in your area.

Because you have no proof of drug use, and no actual proof that the man is a physical danger (because, one of the dangers of co-sleeping is accidental suffocation) to your child. Accusing him of having been under the influence and negligent with his child is pretty overboard.

If you have proof, solid, incontrovertible proof, of his drug use and his danger to the kid, you will not be able to request no visitation, and I would suspect that you'd have a hard time getting supervised.

I do not recommend that you withhold visitation on your own, either, because when they take you to court for custody, it will look very bad that you've denied contact, and he will most likely be granted at the very least partial custody.

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