Lynette - posted on 07/05/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )
I've been married for 8 years. I have 3 boys (26,23,15) my husband has 3 kids as well! We decided to have a baby together and we were blessed with my first and only girl, who is 5. For the past 2 years my husband makes plans for 2 of his kids to visit without telling me. Or should I say: he tells me they are coming! Now mind you he works an hour away, leaves at 3:30 am and don't get home till 7pm., then in bed before 9. Now this means I have to take care of my step kids all day and night. I just think that is so disrespectful! He feels he does not need my permission! I'm a teacher so, I'm off in the summer! And of course she wants to send them for every break that I have knowing my husband can't and don't take care of them or get to spend time with them. So,he talks to his ex and his mom, then let's me know once they've decided when and how long they stay!
It wasn't always like this! For the first 3 or 4 yrs, he always came to me and we would discuss when they would come and how long they would stay, but it stopped once his ex kept them from talking to him or visiting for a year and a half! I don't remember why? But I'm sure it's because he didn't take them when she wanted him too! Ever since then, I'm never considered! Last August, his ex begged him to take full custody cause she can't support them.. Blah blah blah!! Which she has done many times before , well this time he told her(because of his mom) he needed it in writing . Long story shirt, I told him and his mother she is lying ! She will not give up that child support nor the disability check his son receives! I told him don't send a bus ticket until she sends the papers to you. well she made the kids call and tell him they were starving toplease send them food. Now mind you, she has 4 other children, gets at least $800 food stamp,welfare for the other 3/4, plus my husbands $400 or $500 child support, and $700 disability check. She never works, just lives off the state, and her kids money! When they visit, we have to buy shoes,socks,clothes, underwear,etc, toys, you name it! Well, he listened to his mom and sent them bus tickets! I told him get them legally! They stayed until Thanksgiving and his ex received child support,food stamps,and disability check for them and they were not even there! Never sent them anything! In other words, we had to buy uniforms,tennis shoes, school supplies,etc. make a long story short, it was hell!! The little girl is sweet ,the son has a behavior problem and don't take his meds along with ADD. He doesn't listen to me, stayed suspended, ordered over $300 worth of porn on his grandma cable bill,$100 at my brothers, and $40 On our bill! My husband did nothing! Didn't punish him, nada!!! He also leaves at night walking down the street whenever he gets mad! I have no say so and can't discipline him!
Well, they have been trying to come back since April ! My mother in law finally on my side, told him she don't blame me for not wanting to keep the boy,because he can't ever stay with her and that's her blood!! My husband told me My kids are coming! I'm like what?how long? When? The rest of the summer!! How can he agree to this and knows that it will be just me taking care of them,plus my 2 !! I suggested that we take a vacation and go visit them by getting a hotel, swim, shop, for about 3/4days. He tells me no, they wanna come here! So I said,"they are kids, they have no wants!" He begins to yell at me, tell me I don't want his kids here, tells his friends and family that I won't keep his kids!! I know for a fact that their mom is planning on leaving them again,so she can get their money and not have them!!!
I told my husband if u won't visit them,I'm sorry! I cannot commit to that again! And indefinitely !!! He told me," my kids coming and I want to see you put us out!" Which I'm not going to do, but I am going to leave! He and his mom don't care what I say! That is so disrespectful!!! Mind you his mom went get them one weekend, then dropped them to me! Didn't ask if I was going anywhere, just picked them up and immediately dropped them to me! I fussed at him every day, telling him, why couldn't she at least ask me? Why do she and my husband feel that because I'm the step mom that I have to take care of them whenever and for however long they want them!!! I don't get it??? I'm afraid that my marriage will end! I'm tired of his ex doing whatever she wants to us, when she wants! He never stand up to her! Why can't he just say look I have no one to keep them while I at work, so I'll have to come see them? Mind you when they stayed with us for 4ms, he would come home later than usual and even volunteer to work on some Saturday's , not too be bothered ! She came to pick them up to go visit for a week, but his mom made them pack all their things! She called fussing at him telling him I just wanted to visit with them! He had nerves to say I shouldn't have sent them back! Really? And I forgot to mention we live in a 3bedroom,so space is an issue, and his son stole my sons $100 tennis after my son gave him a pair! Really? II'm sick of it!