Feeling Like I've Failed before even STARTED !!!

Layla - posted on 05/01/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I thought i would be able to get over many things, especially since becoming a first time mum. I must admit i have a very happy, smart,wonderful but very active 14 month old boy. However his dad doesnt seem to show any interest, he rarely ask for his son, rarely sees him. his father mum gives me the odd toys or £50 once in awhile and pretends like she doesnt know her son is a rubbish dad to his son. Things got so hectic that i decided to stop letting my son dad see him, some would say never stop the dad, but since my son has been born, he hardly shows any interest nor efforts. i work and buy my son everything he needs as well as maintaining a healthy environment. its not about money that i want his dad to offer, i just want him to bond, be there emotionally and physically for his son, when ever i asked of that, he becomes verbally abusive... i mean he said some very insulting and hurtful things to me("im only involved because you told my mum and sister"- his words to me when i was in hospital waiting to be induce due to very high blood pressure,and excess amniotic fluid) yet ive never stopped him from seeing his son. i was struggling financial once when i lost my job, and asked him for baby wipes, when he came to get our son i asked.. he said he forgot.. so my mum went and bought my son a year worth of wipes (prior to this she offered,but i said no, his dad should get them). next time he came, i asked if he could get nappies, his excuse ... i forgot, i will get them, when he returned, he said they was at his house... later found out he didnt buy any. he works and not once have ever given me any money towards buying our son food, clothes anything. once he said to me, make sure i dress his son prestige when he was coming to get him for the day, when my son dad came to the door, he was dressed in brand new clothes from head to toe smiling at our son. this is why i get upset with him, because he doesnt help to raise our child, but wants him on special occasions, show off on social media writing quotes sounding like the world greatest dad... Honestly he wasnt like that when we met, i honestly think he is punishing me because i kept my son against his wishes. i rarely find time for myself, as i suffer from depression, he never offers to take our son so i can atleast go and get some counselling sessions Never.. my family has always been the one helping me, and im truly blessed to have them. But im so fed up of my son dad, that i had to put my feet down. hes very abusive verbally, once it got to the point where he was going to push me outside and take our son until a cab i was waiting for arrive just becasue i told him not to bend ou son foot weird when puttig his shoes on as he was crying. I'm not saying im perfect, i did had my moments when i played about when our son was young, then did some self reflection and spoke to his dad. everything was good when i use to struggle on the train to take his son to visit him, then when i stopped... they rarely visit him despite they live only one close train,car or bus away from me. So here i am, i know that i will be the one looking after my son until i die, so ive applied through university to study on becoming a social worker, signed up to a amazing agency that offers flexible work that fits around me and baby., doing driving lessons (i certainly need to drive) and try make both my son and my life, less stressed and more happy. As for his dad, ive not messaged him nor his family after i told them how fed up i was, and i wont contact them begging them to see my son anymore,, as im always the one who keeps sendng pictures, asking if they want to see my son, can they help me with him, and their response are never nice. his dad living carefree, always out on the street with friends despite saying he works, or too hangover to see his son, if he ask if his son is ok, and i say yes, he disappears for months with no message. I pray and ask the lord to bless my son like how he blesses me, that he will grow up to still be the smart, happy and wonderful boy he already is, that i will teach him responsibility, respect and how to handle life situations meaningfully in a respectable, diplomatic and fir manner. Its hurts me that his dad is missing all this, due to his selfish ways , BUT HEY i got a great gift out off ll that, i got turn turn the negative into a positive. SORRY FOR THE LONG ESSAY,, JUST HAD TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST. please tell me your opinions...

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Layla - posted on 08/29/2015

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Ive never stopped my son dad from seeing him ever! Opportunity always there. He keeps throwing the blame cards... And insults. Last time he came for my son , i just simply said, your not giving me anything for my child, least you can do is see him more. And he just lost it, blames me... Then made a upaetting comment that he didnt want my son- i said if thats how you feel give him back to me, then he quickly said he didnt meant it that way .... Next ocassion he was to have my son, he said to dress him fly ( second time he told me to dress him fly) my son had a toutine and i explained that he doesnt awake early and his dad wanted to get him early and not give him any breakfast. Which i protested that i will noy let my son go anywhere without food. Now your saying to not let my son grow up without his father in his life... How can he miss someone who resents him, barely sees him especially on his own terms.Despite i went out my way arranging days and time for his dad to get him and what he doesnt even reply to my message nor turned up. (He was meant to come on the 28 august 15-never showed up). . I want consistent and positive people in my son life. Ive bend backwards trying my all to let my son dad bond with him. All i can see, is someone hesitating and isnt showing he wants to be around. I will not force him to love my son nor to have a relationship. I will not let him hurt my son emotionally as its my role as a mum to ensure my son is in a nurturing, positive, reliable, loving and stable environment. So excuse me if i come across as being a bitch for not putting up with my son dad indecisive decissions... Every action he makes has a impact on my son.. And i will always be the one to give the answers even if his dad gives him one. I put my trust in god and grateful that my son isnt lacking of anything despite its me with him 24 hours ,7 days aweek 365 days! Infact hes more happy and thriving! As i know god is blessing US and removing those who doesnt have his best interest at heart. God bless

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2015

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" i decided to stop letting my son dad see him, some would say never stop the dad, but since my son has been born, he hardly shows any interest nor efforts."

Legally, you don't have the right to just stop letting your son to see dad. Firstly, dad has rights, and you are making a choice to alienate him, which may result in seeing you lose custody if dad decides to file through the court for his rights - the courts frown upon parental alienation as it sends a message that you will interfere with any relationship between the father and the child. Secondly, you are denying your child a relationship with his dad. If you decide to do this, your child is highly unlikely to thank you for it - in fact, there is the possibility your child will resent you for preventing him from being able to have a relationship with his father.

And you can't complain that he never gives you money if you have not filed for child support. File for it. You can't just stop a parent seeing a child because he doesn't pay you. Your child is NOT a commodity and NOT available for rent. You are treating him like commercial property if you only allow visitation if dad pays support. The law treats this as a separate issue, so you should too.

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