feeling lost and broken

Rose Kayleen - posted on 04/16/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




My husband committed suicide one week ago today... He left me alone with our 3 children, ages 4,5,and 10, and baby 4 on the way... We buried him Wednesday and then I miscarried our baby on Thursday... I am struggling to find my way right now... I am mad, sad, happy... I just don't know what I am doing anymore... Most days I feel stuck in a thick fog... I want to scream, throw things, and just melt on the floor but I know I can't because I have to be strong for my kids... Any advise


Rebekah - posted on 04/16/2016




My heart goes out to you Rose...
I appreciate Elizabeth's post and don't have much to add to her wisdom, except to say that do give yourself an opportunity to express those emotions (when you feel like screaming, throwing things, melting) instead of constantly hiding them away. I agree that you don't want to do all of that in front of the children, so make time for yourself to just be with those feelings. See if you can get family to help with the children, or schedule a sitter, or consider counseling so that you have a safe place to go through those feelings with support. Speaking of support, there are also support groups for family members who lost a loved one to suicide--hopefully there are some in your area. (there are also grief support groups for children too, if you find they need that) The losses are still fresh, and I'm sure its overwhelming. Be generous and kindly with yourself... allow people to be there for you. You want to be strong for your children, and the best way to do that is to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Elizabeth (Mona) - posted on 04/16/2016




I'm sorry for your loss.

16 years ago my bf at the time committed suicide and we didn't find out for a month what happened. I had a four year old at the time and as much as it wasn't her responsibility I was glad to have her to focus on. She knew something was wrong and she comforted me. I did my best not to show her the broken me, but I was glad to have her take my mind off that part of me as well.

My world was black and white for six months. I took a bit of time away from work to mourn and try to collect myself. For me that was possible then. I dragged myself out with friends though most of the time it was like I was dragging a sleeping person around. I remember sitting on the bus going somewhere just listless and without feeling. I'm not sure if the sort of dead feeling I had inside was my subconscious trying to prevent any feeling so I wouldn't feel the pain or what but I was a zombie (thick fog you speak of?).

During this time I did force myself to still be social and to show as cheery a side to my daughter as I could. In time being cheery became easier and more natural. I started actually seeing the world around me again and it was becoming slowly more and more colorful once again. It took some time and no I didn't know what I was doing, but I kept doing it anyway. I kept my daughters world going and I didn't let my world completely go either. It felt extremely hard to do at times but I kept with it and I did find the surface and come back.

I'm not telling you this to hurt you. I just want you to understand that it will be hard. When my body did feel the pain there were a lot of feelings involved. I felt angry at him for leaving us, I felt guilty for not being able to help him, I felt sad that I would never get to see his smile or hear his voice again. Sometimes the emotions where aimed at him and sometimes they were aimed at myself. Don't be afraid to be selfish during this time. Feel the hurt he caused you, feel the anger, the guilt. Just don't forget to also feel the selfless emotions for him. It may sound confusing and at times your not sure if your right or wrong, but let yourself go through the process. Holding it in because you think you shouldn't feel this or that will not help you make your way through it all.

It will take time unfortunately, but there will be a new beginning. I hope I didn't say anything hurtful and if you want to chat i'm all ears.


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