Feeling Sad About My Daughter's Anger Toward Me

Laura - posted on 10/31/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )

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My daughter is 22. She recently graduated college and is living with me until she gets married. She has a happy life, though she has some difficulties with my ex and his side of the family. They are narcissistic, controlling, and demanding. I separated from my ex after 20+ years and divorced. I met and married a wonderful man a couple years later. WE've now been together 4 years. He's very good to me, and to all of us. (He built her a piece of furniture for her college apartment, helped paint her room, supported her financially, things like that.) He travels about 2/3 of the time for work. My daughter and I have a very close relationship. I see myself as a loving, supportive, and non-judgmental person, who is a cheerleader for all. I encourage others to do for themselves and be the best they can be. Occasionally, my daughter is mean to me. She can be mean to others as well, including her fiance. I feel she has very high expectations of others. Anyway, I made a remark about not getting in touch with my husband and how it was bothering me. She said, "Well, if it doesn't work out, at least you won't have to deal with D. [my stepson]." And, "I'm not attending another wedding!" I said that if anything ever happened with my husband, I probably would remarry, because I enjoy spending my life with someone. When she is stressed, she lashes out. Also, she was very angry at me for disturbing her life by divorcing her father (even though she can't stand to be around him herself - he lies, he's mean, etc.) I suppose there are unresolved issues. She's been to counseling. She was extra nice last night and this morning, but I often feel that I listen to her problems and don't feel it's my place to bring up my own. On the rare occasions that I do, she is about 50-50 in how she handles them. I feel like if I make myself vulnerable to her, there is a good chance she will attack me. I'm angry and sad today. I feel let down. I feel like I have done - and continue to do - so much for her. Why is she so nasty sometimes? I don't regret leaving her father, although I am sorry that it disrupted her life years ago. And I am glad I found my husband. I think it's a good thing that I would want to get married again. She told me, "You can learn to live alone."

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