Tee - posted on 08/26/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )
I really have no idea of what to do with my 19 year old son. It all began in his junior year of high school. He was a star athlete and then he started smoking pot in his junior year. Half way thru his junior year, he began skipping classes, quit sports, but made it thru because his grades were decent. His senior year was worse. I had to basically pull him thru to graduate. He was skipping and basically didn't care.
He begged to go to college and since his scores were high enough, he was accepted into a 4 year university. I made him take student loans since his actions that cost him TOPS and scholarships, however, I paid what it didn't cover. He did okay his first semester and was determined he was going to do better the second semester. After about a month in his second sememster, he quit going to classes. I knew something was wrong but I let him stay since it was paid for and I really wasn't ready for him to come home.
After the semester ended, he moved back home. We gave him a month to get a job to pay his student loan and for his expenses. He failed to look for a job. I took off work and took him to look for a job and he got one. He was doing good for 5 weeks until one day he let his friend talk him into not going back to work after lunch and just didn't show back to work. His employer was shocked because he was such a good employee. That has been approximately 6 weeks ago. He has yet to look for a job. We took his vehicle away since we paid for it and told him we would take him to look for a job and when he gets a job and can pay for his expenses, we would give it back. He refuses to look for a job. I created his resume' and have given him places that he needs to contact for work. He refuses. We've tried to kick him out, took his house key which he just damages our windows breaking in. We haven't called police because we keep thinking he's going to grow up any day now and hate for him to have anything on his record (he's never been in trouble with the law).
He is so immature and acts like we're nagging him because of our own benefit not realizing this is for his own benefit. He goes out all night with his friends and comes in while we're at work and sleeps all day. We have not given him any money since he's been back from school. He refuses to help around the house and will mow a yard or two to make a little money every now and then. He is rebelling against us so bad that he is only hurting himself. If I don't stay on him, I don't feel he will ever do anything with his life. All his hopes and dreams are fading away. I have told him "you can dream of becoming a doctor/lawyer or whatever you want to do in life but as long as you're doing drugs, it will only be a dream".
I really don't know what to do. We have given him positive encouragement and that don't work either. Nothing seems to work. I think he may be down on himself too, he used to take pride in ensuring he looked nice and now he will go for days without a shower. But he will never admit he's in a depression. But I truly think he feels he's screwed up so bad that he there's not a chance to get back up. He won't fight for what he needs to do.
Thanks for any advice or help!