Feeling Strong-but could do with some motherly wisdom!

Karan - posted on 04/15/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am waiting to leave Spain and come back to england (on wednesday) i have a restraining order against my ex partner I cant even write it its so humiliating. I cant believe I am going thru this. But the truth is I am really scared. He hasnt hit me but he makes noise, bangs the door, drives his car backwards and forwards in front of the door. Its crazy. It all started 2 years ago when he lost his job. Our son was only 1 year old and he had never been out of work in his life. But instead of looking for work he fell into a depression or something and starting drinking heavily. he became moody and nasty and began to scare me and i thought what the hell am i doing. I am educated, i can get a great job, look after the kids myself but i need to go home. And after a long drawn out painful mess of the courts I won permission to go back. And i am here waiting for my flight but i have what seems like an eternity to go. And during the day its OK but when it gets dark I start to get nervous again and then he rings 4-5 times and i think i cant ring the police and make him go to prison for a phone call. and then i think but that phone call is making me fall apart and OMG I am a mess!
On the positive side i have some interviews lined up, i am going to go back to medical repping, i can earn enough to pay the mortgage here and rent somewhere there. I got my children in to really nice schools. Its all set. But i am hanging on by a thread here! After losing his family and his partner my ex found out today that the job he has been waiting 5 months for has been given to his mate because of what has happened and his drunken behavior. Although i KNOW i didnt make the choices that put him there but i am afraid he believes its all my fault.
I dont even feel pity now. not a bit. I am so tense and terrified , oh I have a restraining order of course, the one that was put in place after he broke the last one. so you can see why i have little faith in it keeping him away! I would appreciate some words of encouragement over the next 4 and a half days ! And if anyone out there wonders if someone has gone too far and if you should give them a second chance, remember someone doesnt have to hit you to warrant calling the police. If you are afraid it is enough. I saved my son from seeing his father drunk, and mean and aggressive, and its what i tell myself everyday is the biggest show of love to partner. I will never go back to him and that will be the biggest show of love to myself and my children.X

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Louise - posted on 04/16/2011

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Hang on in there you are nearly there. Do you have any friends that could come and stay for a few days to help you feel a bit safer in your own home. Unplug the phone at night so the phone calls can not freak you out. Try and keep positive you are on your way home. You have done the best for your children and have done the hard bit. I wish you every success when you get back to the uk you deserve it. I am sure you will sleep for the first time when you get home, no more worrying what will happen next. 4 days is not that long now, it sounds to me you have been living this nightmare for a long time. 4 days thats all and this will be over. In the meantime if he makes a nuisance of himself just keep calling the police and having him removed from the road. They will get fed up with that and will lock him up for being a public nuisance. Play him at his own game! Big hug sent. And welcome home!

Jennifer - posted on 04/15/2011

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You are very strong, and you have every right to be afraid. When people are drunk, they have no conscience. They often do things that they really regret in the morning. Do you have any close friends or family that you can stay with til you leave? Or, if anything, could someone stay with you? You are absolutely right, about not needing to be hit to know a situation isn't safe. I will be praying that you do stay safe, and get to feeling a little better once you are out of the country.

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