Karan - posted on 04/15/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )
I am waiting to leave Spain and come back to england (on wednesday) i have a restraining order against my ex partner I cant even write it its so humiliating. I cant believe I am going thru this. But the truth is I am really scared. He hasnt hit me but he makes noise, bangs the door, drives his car backwards and forwards in front of the door. Its crazy. It all started 2 years ago when he lost his job. Our son was only 1 year old and he had never been out of work in his life. But instead of looking for work he fell into a depression or something and starting drinking heavily. he became moody and nasty and began to scare me and i thought what the hell am i doing. I am educated, i can get a great job, look after the kids myself but i need to go home. And after a long drawn out painful mess of the courts I won permission to go back. And i am here waiting for my flight but i have what seems like an eternity to go. And during the day its OK but when it gets dark I start to get nervous again and then he rings 4-5 times and i think i cant ring the police and make him go to prison for a phone call. and then i think but that phone call is making me fall apart and OMG I am a mess!
On the positive side i have some interviews lined up, i am going to go back to medical repping, i can earn enough to pay the mortgage here and rent somewhere there. I got my children in to really nice schools. Its all set. But i am hanging on by a thread here! After losing his family and his partner my ex found out today that the job he has been waiting 5 months for has been given to his mate because of what has happened and his drunken behavior. Although i KNOW i didnt make the choices that put him there but i am afraid he believes its all my fault.
I dont even feel pity now. not a bit. I am so tense and terrified , oh I have a restraining order of course, the one that was put in place after he broke the last one. so you can see why i have little faith in it keeping him away! I would appreciate some words of encouragement over the next 4 and a half days ! And if anyone out there wonders if someone has gone too far and if you should give them a second chance, remember someone doesnt have to hit you to warrant calling the police. If you are afraid it is enough. I saved my son from seeing his father drunk, and mean and aggressive, and its what i tell myself everyday is the biggest show of love to partner. I will never go back to him and that will be the biggest show of love to myself and my children.X