Feeling the pressures of step motherhood

Robin - posted on 01/28/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have two step children, ages 8 and 10 and two of my own children ages 12 and 16. I have been in my step children's lives for five years and married to their father for three years so they are accustomed to our lives as a blended family. On paper we share custody of the step children however they spend nearly three times as much time with me as they do their biological mother. The kids go to school near our house so they are with us everyday before and after school and every other weekend, regardless of who's night it is to keep the kids. I work from home and my husband works until late in the evening, arriving at home when his kids are getting ready for bed so the majority of the care (homework, meals, etc.) are solely my responsibility. The only time of the day they are not with me is during school hours. Even on their mother's days, she takes advantage of the fact that I work from home and during summer and holiday breaks she brings them to me to look after all day, not having any freedom to do what I need to or have any alone time. Their mother also works late at night so even on her nights, she doesn't pick them up from our home until the evening, this is after she goes to meet with her personal trainer, again, leaving me with the responsibility of caring for her children. There is only 1 day of the week I don't see them after school and that's on Thursdays and then every other Saturday and Sunday. Other than that, the kids are with me. I'm so stressed out about having to keep after his kids constantly, and the fact that their single mother has all the freedom in the world, while leaving the care of her kids in my hands. I don't feel this is fair on any level. I've spoken to my husband at length about this on several occasions; he doesn't seem to get it. He's very non-confrontational and doesn't feel like dealing with an argument this will cause with the ex. I'm almost to my breaking point, and while I love my husband more than anything I'm feeling resentful of him, his ex and the kids and I'm starting to wonder if it's all worth it. I spend more time with my step kids than I do my own, only because mine are older, but when they were little they didn't get as much attention from me because I didn't have the luxury of working from home like I do now. This makes me feel guilty. I'd love to hear any input from any other step moms out there on this subject. Thank you.


Jodi - posted on 01/28/2014




OK, I put this to you. Let's imagine something happened to their mother. Who would they have to live with? When you marry a man who has children, there is always the risk that the children may end up living in your home. Always. It is a responsibility you accept when you make the choice to marry. That might be why you husband doesn't "get it".

Is it fair? Probably not, but it happens. When it comes to blended families, you have to be prepared for the fact that sometimes, not everything works out exactly the way it was originally planned.

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