Feeling very lonely and cornered

Seema - posted on 10/09/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi all,

I have been married for 6 years now and have a 5 year old daughter.She has started regular school now. I have plenty of things going on in my mind and feel very very lonely and sometimes suicidal for the state I am in. Its just my daughter who keeps me going.

To start of :
I got married and moved to a foreign land because of my husband's job. I hardly had any friends there and conceived within first 2 months. My MIL was very controlling and would demand me to call her every day to report what I was doing here. I too was very obedient and did what she asked and trusted her more than my mother, with whom my relationship has not been very good. My husband is a mama's boy and he too reported everything to her. I did not mind at that time as I thought these were good people. She also volunteered to help me during delivery and came over here. Hell broke loose then as she showed her real colors and created huge conflicts between me and my husband and called me names and said that I broke her trust and made a huge drama.Then I realised how manipulative she was. My husband took their side and totally believed them. I went into depression and felt very lonely with a new born baby. Still I pulled myself through. We then moved back to India and there again my husband insisted that we live with them. I was very reluctant but did not have guts to retaliate. Living with them was hell. They would complain about every silly thing and criticize me over everything I said or not said. Even if I laughed or smiled or cried, I was doing something wrong. I would be compared to DILs who married for money or ran away with other men and no one would defend me. My husband felt he was being warned and felt blessed to have such all knowing parents. I was treated worse than a servant maid and I reduced my interaction with them as much as possible to reduce friction. But nothing worked. My daughter was very naughty and very fussy at that time and I would never find time to think about myself. I would think of running away but the thought of getting caught up in something more dangerous would prevent me from doing so. My parents were not of much help and considered me a burden. I had no one to take care of me so I pulled myself along hoping for a better day. Then my husband started insistng that I start working as his parents would take care of my daughter. I thought that he was trying to help me out and I agreed. But things only turned downward. They started controlling my daughter and even refuse to tell me what she ate or did during the day. My daughter being a fussy eater almost stopped eating and started losing weight. I was worried but nobody listened to me and said it was normal in kids. Work pressure started increasing and I used to leave the house at 8am and come back by 9pm. Then I would cook for me and my husband.It took a toll and me and I could not spend time with my daughter. This gave my in laws a chance to talk and say that they were doing everything and I was enjoying life. They would blame and say that I was not a right fit for my husband. My husband then sufferred a heart attack at the age of 30 and then he moved to UK even without consulting me. I could not leave my job and was stuck with his parents, They used to criticize me in front of their relatives and bitch about me to everyone.After 2 and half years they moved out saying they were not well and needed some treatment. As I had no one to take care of my daughter, I discontinued from work giving up a promotion and moved to UK with my husband. I stopped talking to them and tried to reason with my husband about them but he dosent seem to understand. Even now they have something or the other to complain about me. This upsets me a great deal. After 6 years I feel I deserve abit of empathy from my husband. All his relatives have been brain washed against me and they project themselves as the victims in this situation. My MIL is a very cunning and manipulative lady and my FIL blindly follows her . he is a very money minded and has a acrid tongue. I feel very very lonely now. I am here again with no friends, no job , no one to talk to ,constantly accused and no one to understand me. My husband is very weak minded and can sway anyside anytime. He is constantly worried about his job and has no time to listen to me. I feel very suicidal . Please help.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Miriam - posted on 10/09/2014

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Seema... this is very dangerous... do not just post about this. You need to seek professional help immediately darling. I am so worried for you. Your daughter deserves a happy and healthy mother and I am so sorry to hear about the nightmare with your in-laws and the little/no support you are getting from your husband... You need to find a group of women in similar situation immediately also, and attend therapy sessions and get feedback from others. You should also consider a community/church group as these help a great deal. Continue to try to express to your husband (without complaining) about the things you have gone through, and ask him if he is willing to go to a least one or two marital counseling sessions. Ask him to do it for the both of you and for your daughter. If it works out, maybe you can go to more sessions. Some therapists see people outside of working hours... make a few calls to local therapists and see what they recommend. Many will do free over-the phone consultations to see how and if they can help you. I hope this helps... take care.

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Seema - posted on 10/10/2014

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thank you Miriam. feels good to be heard. I too am considering counselling. Hope things work.thanks again

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