Fiancé left me?!?!?!

Chelsey - posted on 10/12/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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VENT/NEED SUPPORT!!!! fiance just left me and we have a 4 yr old and a 2 1/2 month old... (4 yr old isnt his)... i dont work but ive slacked off on household chores plus our house is super small.... so it looks cluttered eventhough its not. He said hes over the house being a wreck and and that hes sick of being the only one working... ive been looking for a new job since ive had the baby!!!! He told me he was taking me to court over the baby and i have absolutely NO clue what to do in the meantime because i dont have a job... help me!!

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Florence - posted on 10/13/2014

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First, my heart goes out to you and I wish I could hug you. I can imagine by now you have done your fair share of crying and you are in fear. Fear is a powerful emotion. It grips you, paralyses you and keeps you from moving forward. SNAP OUT OF IT! You are mom and no matter what you have two babies to take care of. If your children were being attacked you would not even flinch before rushing to their rescue. Time to channel that mom-almighty spirit and fight for your babies and their mommy. Dry your tears and get mad, fighting mad. Sit down and come up with a plan. Please don't feel like I'm judging you but he is a jerk unworthy of you. No real man just walks out on his child because of the housekeeping and because you don't work (outside the home) because you definitely work with two kids. If you do the math, you will find that most likely your job will only pay daycare and what sense does that make. Truth is, he's been planning to leave all along. He pulled a punk move by blaming you. If he wanted the relationship and his family he would be trying to work it out. My suggestion is that FIRST THING Monday morning you head to the child support office and put his butt in check AND if you are not getting support for the other child, handle that while you are there. NEXT, put your pride in your pocket and go apply for assistance. I worked for over 40 years and paid taxes before retiring, your situation is what the system was designed for. You need help with food, housing medical assistance and cash while you are trying to get on your feet. Don't play into his huffing and puffing and don't allow him to take your child anywhere without you since he is threatening to take him/her. And I would not worry about that, the chances of him being successful are slim to none because he has nothing to justify those actions. Junky house won't get your kids taken, if that were so we would all be in trouble, especially since the kids are usually the reason it's a little untidy. I worked for DCF, department of children and families and oh how I wish the cases I dealt with were justified like yours . Once you get the help you need you can begin to feel a sense of empowerment. I don't know about your state but most social service programs will help with everything including finding employment. And there is usually help to subsidize the daycare expense. If you need job training, they can help with that. You may even benefit from technical school. Your possibilities are endless. You don't NEED him. You can do this. CAUTION: once he sees you standing on your own be prepared for him to come back begging and apologizing... SLAM THE DOOR AND RUN!!! In the words of Maya Angelou "when people show you who they are, believe them..the first time". YOU CAN AND YOU WILL MAKE IT. Finally let's address FEAR : F - false E - evidence A - appearing R - real / don't let this "boy" scare you. One last thing that will make you go hmmmm..... What if he had just died vs walking out, what would you do??? Act like he's dead and get on with it. Life goes on and you will too.

Michelle - posted on 10/12/2014

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All I can say is that he's very insensitive and it sounds like you are better off without him. Your baby is only 2 months old!!! Does he get up during the night at all? Does he do any of the household chores? Does he do any of the grocery shopping? Does he make sure the 4yo is fed, clean and kept entertained?
If the answer to all of those is no then he has no right to complain about anything. You are allowed to "slack off" with the housework with a newborn. As long as the house isn't dirty and a health hazard, cluttered is fine.
You probably work more hours a week than he does, the only difference is he gets paid for it and you don't.

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