Veronica - posted on 08/30/2016 ( 34 moms have responded )
I have 3 kids ages 17, 13 and 11, he has a 14 year old daughter. This past summer his daughter did not want to go on our annual family vacation with us because she didn't want to miss a week of summer camp. (we have taken a summer vacation with all the kids for the past 3 years) The same issue with camp had come up the previous year however she ended up going on vaca with us and was miserable the whole time, making everyone else miserable too. We decided that she did not have to go with us this time so she could do camp. She also claimed she didn't want to go with us because she said she feels uncomfortable, that it's not fun (we went to Atlantis last year) and that me and my fiancé fight the whole time. All of which is not true, except maybe her feeling uncomfortable but that's kind of self induced. My fiancé and I agreed that there would be no "make up" vacation, she vacations with her mom, step dad and step brothers every year and this past year did a cruise to the islands with them. She has a friend in Florida that I said maybe we could schedule a weekend trip for her to see if making up the missed vacation became an issue so I was not totally opposed to something of a make up without calling it that tho. I did not want to set a precedent that she could opt out of family vacation and then be rewarded. Fast forward to Sunday and fiance mentions to me his daughter has off the week before Christmas and says maybe we could go away and then asks if my kids have off that same week. I tell him no they do not, but they have off the week after so maybe we can go away then. This made sense to me since we are getting married in May and were not sure we could fit in a summer vacation next year anyway. He proceeds to tell me that he wasn't really thinking of doing a "full kids trip" and figured he'd go away with his daughter for 5 nights and I could join for 3 nights if I can. I told him I could not do that and I felt he was wrong for excluding my kids and missing important holidays with us that we could all be together. We do not live together full time and he has his daughter only every other weekend and sometimes for a night during the week. When he does have her I am not there because I am 3 hours away in another state with my kids. A bit complicated but the point is when he does have her it's one on one time, so she gets him to herself a lot. He went on to explain that he feels it's important to maintain his father daughter routine (they vacationed together over holiday break several years in a row until we started dating 3 years ago) and because she's being supportive of him marrying me even though he suspects she is not totally comfortable with it! I am far from the evil step mother, I don't get to spend a lot of time with her nor do my kids but when we do everyone is friendly and I try to help the kids "blend". I also have tried to bond with her by taking her shopping, talking to her about school, friends, etc. I've taken her to do fun activities just the two of us...It's difficult for sure but we will never all be totally comfortable around each other if we don't do things together. Taking separate vacations is not going to help. I'm really hurt by this and he can't see things from my perspective at all.