fighting

Donna - posted on 12/04/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My soon to be 11 year old is so cruel and mean to her little sister which is 7 years old.calls her a loser, hits her , tells her she hates her, and just looks at her with discust. How can i get her to be nice to her like she use to be. I mean I have sisters and we use to fight but never menally abuse eachother.

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Donna - posted on 12/09/2014

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Because i do know i am a push over, and being to nice probably is a big problem. I don't have a mom to ask So i dont actually know when you're too old for timeout I thought it was a minute per year. I really do appreciate your advice Thanks

Dove - posted on 12/05/2014

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Stop warning her... and time out really isn't appropriate or effective at this age... obviously. The videos would be an attempt at guilt tripping... also ineffective and emotional manipulation. And leaving the younger sister in charge of the older one getting out of time out. YOU are likely making this situation as bad as it has gotten.

Your consequence of time out is likely what you would do if your child is five... at 11, step it up like I advised in the first place.

Donna - posted on 12/05/2014

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I agree. It is unacceptable and after i warn her about 5 times i put on a video of them when they were little and how much she couldn't wait till her baby sister gets old enough to play.and how much her little sister looks up to her. And if she hits her she goes to her room for a 10 min time out, her time doesnt start untill she stop begging for no time out. and her sister has to decide if she forgives her or not to let her out after the standard 10 min/1 min per age. By that time the older one is promising her shell be nice to her if she lets her off the hook.my mother died young and i really cant get mothering advice from anyone and my girls r my world so thank you for responding all the advice helps but they fight soooo much after they go to school it takes me about and hour to calm my nerves

Dove - posted on 12/04/2014

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A lot of that is probably the age and the hormones. What do you do when she hits her sister? Violence against a sibling in this house is flat out unacceptable and will earn the offender a 24 hour ban on pretty much everything they love to do (other than reading and drawing... no electronics, no friends, etc...). That was the first consequence I have ever tried that actually WORKED here. If verbal bullying were a real problem in my house (it is a little... but nothing major) I would instill a similar stiff consequence... and add to it if it didn't start helping.

She doesn't have to like her sister, but she must NOT be allowed to be cruel... and that goes for little sister too towards her older sister.

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