Fighting for custody

Courtney - posted on 10/08/2014 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My child is almost 5 and right now she goes to her dads every other weekend. I am never in contact with the dad bc he hates me, not sure why. I drop off with the grandmother who is just as crazy as him. My child never wants to go there and I think it would be in her best interest to stay with me full time. I am worried he is not mentally stable. He hasn't paid child support in a year. Is it going to be hard for me to get sole custody? I just need advice?!

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Ev - posted on 10/08/2014

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If you are concerned about the weed, his actions towards your daughter, and so on, you will have to take this back to court. The proof you need is going to have to be any kind of visits to a pschycologist and what they find. You can not go in the court room and give the judge YOUR reasons why she should not be allowed to go back to him. He will take that to court and hold you in contempt of the visitation. If you can find proof in police records of his drug use or abuse and find he had been charged and found guilty of that, it can help set up supervised visits. As for the bad talk about you in front of her, it would be he said/she said kinds of things because he could say you were doing the same thing in front of her. As for the restraining order, that is for you only. Unless it had something in it about danger to her because of him as well, there is nothing there that will keep him from seeing his child too. I understand you want her safe and in a positive place. But you can not decide she does not need to go for visits because she does not want it if court ordered. It will come down on you for contempt of court orders. How old is your child? In some states if the child is of teen years sometimes the judges will take full consideration of what the teens want and in some states like the one I am in, the kids get to about 16 then they decide what visits they go on or not. Not every state is like this.

You can go to the courthouse and find out if he had any illegal drug convictions. If you go back to court you could have the lawyer ask the judge for the father to be evaluated psychologically speaking to find out if he is mentally capable of having the child for visits or not. I am not sure how all that works. Or if he has had some sort of evaluation you could ask if it can be gotten for the use of this custody issue.

I know you do not like this man but he is the father of this child and has as much right to her in a relationship as you do. With this having been to court already, if you allow her not to go on visits you will be the one answering why. Take proper steps to get this done. Do not make the choices yourself so it won't get you into trouble.

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Courtney - posted on 10/08/2014

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I've had her in counseling and she did have to file a report bc of things she told
The counselor... Nothing every came of it...

Dove - posted on 10/08/2014

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If she is having issues w/ the visitations... get her into counseling w/ a professional that will be willing to testify in court if need be. That way one of two things will hopefully happen... 1) she can work out the issues she has going and hopefully remain a stable and secure little girl... 2) the counselor can possibly determine that visitations the way they are going are NOT in her best interest and w/ that testimony you could possibly push for supervised visits.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/08/2014

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You need proof of any allegations against him. If you feel he is unstable, and unsafe to leave your daughter with, you will need actual physical proof, not just your 'feelings'.

No, you cannot just arbitrarily decide that you know what's best for her. You, at one point, thought enough of her father to go to bed with him, so you need to face that now. Get an attorney, get custody/support/visitation set, and if you have grounds start by asking for supervised visits.

Ev - posted on 10/08/2014

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Then she is not old enough to have a say in what goes in the visitation unless she was much older. You may not be doing this out of spite but its how its presented as to how it comes across to people and no matter how you go about it, he will think its out of spite. But legally speaking, you need to take it back to court and prove he is unfit to be around your child. That is about all I can offer to you.

Courtney - posted on 10/08/2014

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My daughter Is 4.
I promise this has nothing to do with my feelings and I'm not doing this in spite.
I will ask the courts for mental evaluation and so on.... I could write a book about why I feel the way I do....

Courtney - posted on 10/08/2014

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i already have everything set up and she has been going there for about 3 years. She says she doesn't like going there because they are mean and i know they talk about me in front of her. He went off on me and cussed me out last time we met (he happened to be in the car) in front of her. That scared her and now she def doesn't want any part of him. He smokes weed and provides nothing positive for my child. I had a restraining order on hum for 5 years and about to reinstate it bc i do fear for my safety. How can i prove that he is mentally unstable?

Ev - posted on 10/08/2014

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First a few questions:

1) Do you have a custody, visitation or child support set up already? You said he had not paid child support in a year or so. If it is filed and court ordered why did you not get it taken care of and call him in on it.

2) Personal feelings aside, its good that you do drop her off if you are not getting along with him to someone he can pick the child up from. But why is she not wanting to go? Has she heard you say some hurtful things about her father and grandmother? If she has heard those things from you, of course, she won't want to go to see her father or grandmother. Because all she has heard is negative things about them. If you have not said negative things in front of her where has she heard them?

3) Also personal feelings aside, you have to have absolute proof that he is mentally unstable and that his mother is as well. Just your opinion alone is not going to make the judge give you full custody. He would need documentation of the mental state of the father to decide if no visitation or supervised visitation would be needed. If you take the to court deciding that she can not go see her father is out of your hands. Also you would be taking away her chance to have a relationship with her father and the other half of her family on his side. Only the judge is going to be able to have say in what happens there. Not your opinions. If dad counter sues for custody and does it on grounds of you trying to keep her away from him (parental alienation) or having told her negative things, he can get custody just as easy as you could. It might go joint custody.

4) You need to put your personal feelings aside. This is not about what you want. Its about this child's ability to have some sort of relationship with her father and his family. Unless you can prove this man is a danger in any shape, form, or fashion then it can go either way.

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