Fighting to be a Disneyland dad

Marissa - posted on 03/26/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

7

0

1

My ex had been a weekend dad to our now 7 year old son since we split up years ago. He had every other weekend, but did not see him on weekdays. He chose not to be there for his son on weekdays because he could not stand being around me. He prioritized his resent over being a father. I was the primary caretaker since he was born, even while I was finishing my undergraduate degree and working. I served him in court the year before, because out of nowhere, he demanded I pay daycare on my own, to have more weekends with his son, a straight month of summer vacation without speech therapy, and intended to withhold child support. I informed him that was not fair since he has all week to have time with his son if he wanted. Being a father is not at your convenience, and the world does not revolve around you. You can't pull him out of therapy when it needs to be consistent, and he could regress. You can't expect them to hold a spot just because you want him to be out for vacation. You need to step up and be a regular part of his life, not just summer vacation. There's no excuse for that when you don't even live far. And you have never taken care of him that long so I don't know if you are capable.
I requested to keep to the status quo and added in a weekday visit, as well as orders to stay in therapy and split costs of that daycare. He responded with him getting every weekend during school, spring break, 1/2 of winter and half of summer vacation. We did not come to an agreement in court. During mediation, he turned down that weekday visit, and we agreed to him getting 2 weekends and the 5th weekend.
Since then he is still resentful, and focused more on finances than his son, like ensuring I am paying my share. He demands info on how much our son is in daycare. He demands proof that I paid for speech therapy. He tries to pose now like he is involved, attending parent teacher conferences and demanding to see behavior reports from class. Yet he doesn't ask what our son is working on in class or therapy or offer to help with homework. He doesn't check in on his son during the week but tries to hassle me about day to day things he isn't a part of. He is more disruptive now trying to be involved from a distance than when he kept to his weekends. And he still only wants his son weekends and vacation time. I've had to request orders to stop his borderline harassment. He interferes with my sleep time (I work night shifts) my parenting time trying to exercise what he perceives as is legal rights and co-parenting. Texting me all day about things that are irrelevant to our sons immediate health and we'll being, or info that he is not entitled to like my sleep and work schedule, need to use daycare, need for our son to be in speech therapy. He is more concerned about money than our sons well being.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 03/26/2014

3,562

36

3907

The only way you can stop him harassing you constantly is by filing for a restraint order. I would suggest investigating that. Keep records of his harassment (don't delete the texts). However, if it is only once a week or something, you are just going to have to grin and bear it. I'd ignore it as much as possible. When he realises he doesn't get a response to unreasonable requests, he might stop.

3 Comments

View replies by

Marissa - posted on 03/26/2014

7

0

1

Yes he does have that right. We have joint legal custody and no one is depriving him. He does not however the right to badger me on my personal time if it's not an emergency. He doesn't want me to use daycare because it cost money. He could ask how he is progressing in speech, but only asks when he can be dismissed, so he doesn't have to pay money.

Jodi - posted on 03/26/2014

3,562

36

3907

OK, firstly, he can't demand that you have paid the bills that are your responsibility, so you can ignore those requests (unless, of course, it is court ordered). If he is ordered to be responsible for paying half of that, then yes, he is entitled to know that he is going to owe that money on a regular basis before the bill just shows up.

Secondly, he has a right to be involved with your son's school, he has a right to copies of school reports and to attend parent teacher interviews, even if he only sees his kid weekends. He DOES have a right to know how he is progressing.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms