Filing Child support-should you file C.S. alone or with Custody at the same time? Also is it better for a mom who has almost equal time (1 day more) with the father to file for joint or shared custody? Which one benefits the mom and child more? thanks!

Denise - posted on 05/04/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

7

0

1

I'm wondering if i should file child support alone by itself or should I go ahead and beat him to the punch and file for custody at the same time. My sister told me that I should file child support and custody at the same time to get it out the way being that we all know my kids dad is going to file custody as retaliation anyway.

but a friend of mine who has went through this suggests just filing child support only and let him go ahead and do his custody retaliation. I want to do the smart thing just not sure what.

Right now we don't have legal custody but "joint custody" but I have her 1 day more which makes me primary custodial parent and an attorney affirmed that to me. So I looked it up and their is shared custody and joint custody and I am not sure which one I should file for. I believe shared would work better for me. I do know that even if the father has joint custody he may still be ordered to pay child support. I looked online and one article said that a parent shouldn't go in asking for joint because it may look like they dont think they can be primary parent?? i was like what the heck?



So my questions are:

1. Have any of you ladies ever filed for child support and custody at the same time? Was it a good thing to do-did it benefit you? How to know if you should just file child support and deal with custody later? Do the courts automatically make you file (I was told they do later that's why I should just file child support and I know child support case and custody are two separate entities)-Should i just go in and file for support only or do both at the same time.

2. I can't file for sole custody because my dd has been with him almost equally for 7 years and I know she doesnt want that to change and I know that it would be best for her. So I'm thinking joint or shared. In my situation is it better to file for Joint or shared?

I know its lengthy my bad I just want to do what would benefit me and dd. Thanks ladies and Happy Saturday!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dove - posted on 05/04/2013

12,112

0

1353

File for both custody and child support at the same time, but look at what is best for your child (regardless of whether or not it benefits you) and do that. If she has been with her father half her life and doesn't want that to change.. joint custody is most likely in her best interest and no judge is going to look poorly on you if you go into court explaining that this is what your daughter is used to, so that is why you think it shouldn't change. Many court rooms automatically go with joint custody anyway unless there is significant evidence on why that would not be in the child's best interest. I don't know anything about shared custody and how it does or does not differ from joint. Child support would depend on your income and your ex's income. If you each have her for an equal (or close to equal) amount of time and you have similar incomes... child support really wouldn't make much sense. If his income is significantly higher than yours then he would probably be ordered to pay some child support, so that her quality of life is similar in both homes. Likewise if YOUR income is significantly higher than his... you would be the one to pay him child support.

8 Comments

View replies by

LalaBoom - posted on 11/21/2013

248

0

41

I'm a little late but I hope I can still help.

I work in the legal system so I know a thing or two.

Filing for custody and CS is not the same thing. Once you file for each, they will be two separate cases. Also, custody is two-fold: Physical and Legal.

2. You only have one day more than your ex, so I suggest "split custody" as the best option- but only if you live in the same school district. The rationale behind "primary" or "sole" custody is based on school registration purposes, and so that kids can have a "main" address when they register for anything (doctors, school, counseling, extra-curriculars, etc). If you do not file for split custody, then I suggest "primary" or "sole" custody only because this will give you veto power in case you and your ex cannot agree on something.

1. The courts don't "make you file" per se. Especially if you or father can show them that father has been supporting kids financially without problems. But if your ex does not want to support his kids financially, the you should go for CS. The courts CAN "punish" you for not filing and can "order" you to file, if they find that your refusal to file puts the kids at risk of ending up needing state help (food stamps, welfare, etc.).

I hope I asnwered some of your questions. As I always tell parents, if you can do it outside the courts (i.e., no abuse, reasonably friendly relationship with ex, etc)- keep it outside the courts. You, your ex, and your kid[s] will do better without. Your ex may all of a sudden be a "jerk" in your eyes, but this is the man YOU chose to have kids with. Don't simply abuse the power of "mom" that you have, remember he is just as important as you are to that child, and THAT is what benefits child and mom most.

Cheers!

Nicole - posted on 05/07/2013

2

1

0

Custody and placement are two different things. You will obviously have joint custody because you are both legally able to make decisions. But joint placement determines the time of physical placement in each home. One extra day with you would still be considered shared/joint placement in our court. I would personally be prepared for him to fight for more time because he will try to avoid paying child support. You might want to get the placement order written up as it is first with no threat of child support. Just under the guise that its for legal purposes, then return and do child support. He would have to prove a change in circumstance to legally take you to change the placement again. It should be fairly easy to do in mediation if you decide to just put in writing what you are already doing.

Ev - posted on 05/05/2013

7,996

7

918

Denise-

Thanks for your response and not being upset when I spoke about attitudes. I can understand wanting to be the one to win in court or mediation.

The short version of my story is that when my ex and I divorced I was ready to fight for my kids in court for full custody. He and his lawyer offered joint with the his home being the primary residence. My lawyer said that in a few months if I won he would have me back to court and I did not have those resources. I wanted my babies with me. I had not cried in six months from a short time after he left us. I cried for hours after that. I also knew that I could not put them through that either. I made the choice to let them go. Sometimes we have to do things we do not have much choice on. To this day though, my kids and I are closer than we ever were. I know I made the right choice then.

Amy - posted on 05/04/2013

6,467

33

2386

I didn't read the other responses but I filed for both at the same time. We are going ti be doing joint custody rather than sole custody. Even though its joint custody the kids primary residence will be with me. More than likely I will still have the kids the majority of the time because my oldest is in school and we will not be in the same town. However mine is an ongoing case so who know how it will really end. With joint custody it doesn't necessarily mean its 50/50 access although majority of the time it is, but it also means that decisions regarding the child will be made together and the other parent will be made aware of all parent teacher conferences, doctors appointments, ect.

Denise - posted on 05/04/2013

7

0

1

Thank you Dove,

I do want to do the right thing and my first mind said joint custody. and you are right most courts usually want to go in that direction. His income is significantly higher a lot higher. You really pointed out that a judge may not look at me poorly because I want joint because thats what my D is used to. You were very helpful. Thanks again!

Denise - posted on 05/04/2013

7

0

1

Thank you Evelyn, I am going to file both at the same time. You gave some really good points and to your comment about my attitude, I am thinking about my daughter that's why I wouldn't file for sole custody. Also, I do know its not about me and I don't want her relationship to change with her dad or their time together. But to be quite honest I do want it to be in my favor who wouldn't if their going to court? Seriously. I could care less about him. You're right about putting the child in the middle. I won't at all. It's hard enough on her already. Many blessings!

Ev - posted on 05/04/2013

7,996

7

918

I am quoting the questions: "1. Have any of you ladies ever filed for child support and custody at the same time? Was it a good thing to do-did it benefit you? How to know if you should just file child support and deal with custody later? Do the courts automatically make you file (I was told they do later that's why I should just file child support and I know child support case and custody are two separate entities)-Should i just go in and file for support only or do both at the same time."

It is best to file for custody with child support at the same time. It is cost effective for all concerned. If you do it separately then it costs more for the lawyers and court fees.

"2. I can't file for sole custody because my dd has been with him almost equally for 7 years and I know she doesnt want that to change and I know that it would be best for her. So I'm thinking joint or shared. In my situation is it better to file for Joint or shared?"

Shared custody unless it is on paper and filed with court is not real custody and "joint custody" is not legal unless also filed with the court. WHat you really have is the sharing of the child and nothing more. If he decides he wants to take the child out of state unless you are in proceedings right now for custody, he can and there is nothing you can do about it.

When filing for custody if you can do this go through mediation to settle things either with your lawyer and his or a mediator. Shared custody is just that and if not stated in paperwork as a legal form of custody then its not legal. Legal joint custody sets up one parent as the primary care parent where the child lives with that parent and that parent has primary care and to a point decision making. The other parent is considered akin to a non-custodial parent and has visitation set up or whatever set up is made. I am not sure that one day more or less on either part makes a big difference. Its when you have the child living with you most of the time like 7 months or more out of the year compared to the other parent. Also do not put your child in the middle of this because it confuses them or hurts them more.

What I can not understand is your attitude in this. You seem so focused on what is best for you and your daughter. What about for her and her dad? Its like you want this all to be in your favor. Its not about you. Its about her. And sometimes if you have half time and he has half time there is no child support ordered as you both are giving equal life at home to the child.


If you really want full custody and child support go for it. This shared custody thing does not sound legal to me and could go either way.

IF IT IS NOT ON PAPER AND FILED THEN ITS NOT A REAL CUSTODY VENTURE. Only custody papers that are filed with the court with the exact details of what is what is considered any form of custody. Same with child support. If a guy or woman pays it before the court sets it up it may not be considered that because it was not ordered by the court before hand and on paper work. If it is not written down and filed, its not considered legal.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms