Jess - posted on 11/21/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )
I have been the primary custodian (physically & financially) since my daughter's birth, and for the past year, I have been her only provider. He dad was consistent in seeing her inititally, but even with that, I was virtually a taxicab (because he has no car) & ATM (because he contributed at the rate of molasses...btw he's currently unemployed & in my opinion not seeking employment) to make everything go smoothly. Food, clothes, doctor visits, etc. has always been on me. But I don't want to besmirch my child's father. He's like a natural disaster...like a hurrican or tornado. He doesn't mean any harm, but he just destroys everything in his path, by nature. I believe he thinks he's doing the best he knows how...but at the same time I believe that he needs to be psychologically evaluated.
He has trouble controlling his anger, and thinks irrationally a majority of the time. Prime example, he thinks it's okay to smoke cigarettes around our 2 year old. He thought it was ok to drive with her in the front seat (without a car seat) at 1yrs old...and then thought it was ok to physically fight both me & his mother to keep me from taking her home - the day ended with him pushing me from a moving vehicle while he was speeding & swerving with our daughter in his lap. But if you confront him on this situation (or others like it), he justifies his actions by saying "you had no right to take her from me". This is just a taste of what I've been through in the past 2yrs.
I've done my best to be accomodating and fair & make sure that he has a relationship with our child...but I'm starting to worry that I may have been wrong in being such an advocate. We rarely see eye-to-eye when it comes to our daughter, and things are only getting worse. I fear that if I don't file for custody he'll (1) one day he'll join the "parental abduction" bandwagon, and flee with our daughter and that (2) if I file for custody, he'll try to physically harm me or #1 or both. There have been threats of both.
I'm bummed that things are the way they are...I'm exhausted between a full-time job & class load & being a single mom...this just makes things that much more stressful. In a sense I feel like filing for sole custody will alleviate a lot of that stress, and in the long run benefit my daughter the most....but that's a big step and I'm very uncertain about it.
Please don't judge my crazy little life....Any advice would be appreciated.