Financial problems with spouse

Syretha - posted on 04/19/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Ok , my husband and I have been married for 8 years. We seem to be having the same problem every year which is money. He prefer for me to not know what's in our account. For at least 4 of those years he has lied about how much money is coming into the house. I found out that he was making at least 500-600 or more than what he was telling me to budget from. With the income I had to budget it was still not enough to keep things paid. Not knowing that he had this other money. I have to beg for money just to get our 3 kids clothes and shoes. I have to ask him for money to get household items like soap or detergent to wash clothes and when I do he huffs and puffs about it. I feel like a person with bad credit going to a bank trying to get a loan hoping and praying he gives it to me.He expects for me to feed a family of 5 with 400 a month. Note that our children are 17, 9, 8 years old. The 8 year old is the only one we have together. I'm not getting child support from other two because he said to leave well enough alone and that he got us. I can't spend a dime without him calling me or texting me asking what I'm doing and why I'm spending money. He has also threaten to cancel my debit card. I don't spend money on myself at all unless I'm buying a pack of cigarettes which I need to keep myself together. I would ask for online account information so I can see what's coming and going so I can manage bills he tells me I don't need to know what's going and coming and that he will handle the bills. But if that's so then why are we 3 months behind on house, getting cut off notice on other bills if you are handling things. I don't trust him financially. What should I do because I'm to the point that I want to be done.

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Liz - posted on 04/20/2014

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Control over you and the finances to this extent is a form of abuse and it is also suspicious. Why does he need to squirrel away this much money all the time when you are moving residences in order to get away from bad debts? It doesn't add up. Does he have another family or a child he hasn't told you about that he is supporting?

I personally would not stay with a man who treated me and his family like this. Needing to make payments out is one thing, but keeping you in the dark and controlled is not acceptable.

Gena - posted on 04/20/2014

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You have been married together for 8years...so its not like you are at the beginning of the relationship where you usualy dont know how much your partner earns. I think the question is why does he not want you to be able to see the acount?It sounds like he is stinchy with the money but also sounds like he is hiding something from you..Well like you said those 500-600 more that he didnt tell you about.Have you asked him why he didnt tell you?
Finances is a very touchy subject in the country where i live with my family.No body talks about their income,how much tax we pay etc. I have an Aunt that has been married to her husband since over 20years..they both have very well paid jobs.The funny thing is they both have their "own" money.I dont know how they do their finances,i just know that when we went to disneyland when i was still a teen,they would go to the mcdonald and he would pay his own food and she would pay her own food.Thats just what they do.My husband and I do the finances together,when we get bills to pay i put them all aside so that we can pay them together once a month.I always know how much money we have.We personally just feel that we are a family and that we can do the finances together.I dont know if every married couples do it the same way,for us its just the right way of doing it.My husband has a job and earns the money,when i earn money with tattooing at home i always tell him how much i earned and i use that money as "pocket money".
It must be hard for you to have to beg your husband for money for basics like soap.Why dont you ask him if you could get money for the month,for all the basics you need.So that you dont have to beg him everytime you need to shop.
And ask him why he doesnt want you to help with the finances.Tell him how you feel about it.Good luck and i hope you can find a way with your husband. My husband and I have the saying "Whats mine is yours,and whats yours is mine".

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Gena - posted on 04/20/2014

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Liz,thats exactly what i was thinking but i didnt want to write it,that with having a child somewhere that she doesnt know about.Because it is wierd that he puts that money aside every month but cant keep up with the bills.

Syretha - posted on 04/20/2014

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I have discuss this with him and told him I it makes me feel to beg. I feel that he wants that control over me since he is the bread winner really. I may sub at the schools here or there but it's not enough to take care of my needs and my children needs. He wants me to come to him for every penny I spend, but he get to spend however he wants without talking to me about it. For example he went and got a $1600 riding mower from a rent to own store and told me about it right before delivery. Now at this time I'm looking at how far behind we are on other things and we don't have the money to add another bill. He also so has recently open another account and called it his "church fund account" and has $200 going in it every two weeks. But I'm like we are 3 months behind on rent we don't have the money to do that right now. He knows that i would have told him to wait till we get finances straight before he add another bill. And eventually they had to come pick up the mower because he was missing payments. Which is not the first time that has happened. We have moved 6 times in 8 years all because he don't pay the bills like he should. Now we are in a piece of crappie house that really is not safe fore me and the children. But he got is for 215 a month as a fixer upper but is not fixing anything. We burn up and the summer and freeze in the winter. The gas got cut off because he failed to pay bill so we have to boil water just to take a bath. BUT with all that he doesn't want me over the finance. I would rather be broke and know my bills are paid we get food to eat and clothes and shoes then to walk around here with money in my pocket or bank knowing that we are behind on bills. We don't have a savings account where we can put money back. We had an argument over life insurance. I asked him who was the beneficiary. He tells me that he has that taken care of and that it will be disburse in its perspective places. I said what places he said I didn't have to worry about that. I hate being in the dark on things. As long as I just go with his flow and not ask questions about what is and what ain't we are fine. I need financial security and I don't feel secure. I want my marriage to have teamwork. We are so far from that. I really don't know what to do. I'm so tired!!!

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