Financially I can't afford tubal reversal do how and where can I get a

Antonette - posted on 05/23/2016 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I'm 38 birth control pills depro shot caused me to bleed at least 20 days out of a month, doctors did blood work to see how much blood I list and was prescribed some kind if pills, but then doctor gave me female like condemns and still didn't work, so after my third kid as a teen Mr mom said you need to get your tubes tied. Never had surgeries didn't want it done but she made me sign papers and all. Never giving me a chance to become a woman get married or anything, so even though I didn't want to do it she made me now I want another child with my husband who had no children and can't or it cost money. Also because I didn't meet him while my children was young is hatreds to get kids to accept who you with because your not with their fayer and that's what I'm going through. My oldest is 21 who is a girl and my youngest is 13 who is a girl my boss are also teens, so you can't have a man that came in your life try to reraise trend or make the kids like him. So in 4 years my youngest would have graduated high school and everybody gone, so why can't I have another baby. Also I'm turf of one kid influencing the other cuz they don't want to are mom happy. What to do?

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Sarah - posted on 05/26/2016

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The Department of Health and Human Services states that voluntary sterilization must be provided to any woman requesting the procedure at no cost. Under the new Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) all women are eligible to get free sterilization coverage whether they are insured through an employer, their parents, or some form of government-subsidized plan. Also, the full set of cost-free women’s “preventive services” that HHS ordered in 2012 must be covered by all U.S. health care plans.
So while the state must pay for the sterilization procedure regardless of age insurance etc. I cannot find any legislation that requires a woman to undergo elective sterilization against her wishes.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/25/2016

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If one is on state assistance, having multiple children, and continuing to do so, the state can dictate that they will either take BC or be sterilized.

In my friend's case, she'd had 4 kids on the state's dime, refused birth control, and ended up having her tubes tied, courtesy of the state.

Sarah - posted on 05/24/2016

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I noted the 13 yo as well. Also what doesn't make sense is even if you were a teen when you had the tubal, your mom would have signed the consent; but a doctor is not going to operate on a teen who is objecting to surgical sterilization. This is not the dark ages. If you and your spouse desire to parent a child together, you could always consider adopting a child. That way he doesn't have to deal with the issue of "you can't have a man that came in your life try to reraise trend or make the kids like him". Which I don't understand.

Raye - posted on 05/24/2016

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If you and your husband can't afford the procedures to get pregnant, how do you think you can afford another child? I agree that your kids should not dictate who you spend your life with, but have you talked to them about why they don't like him? If it's just because they want you and their father together explain that it's not going to happen, so they need to get used to the idea and straighten up. Teenagers are going to give you hard times, but you're the parent. (Your adult child(ren) needs to focus on their own life, and don't get a say in yours). You have to be in control of your own life. You should also know, even if you could afford the procedures to get pregnant, that it would be higher risk because of your age. And how are you going to feel in your late 60's going through all the teenage issues again? You should think not only about your wants, but how the child will be cared for as you get old.

There do seem to be holes in your story... as Jodi pointed out, you were an adult when you had the 13 year old, so your mom should not have been able to dictate terms of your reproduction. The doctor and your mom may have pressured you, but they couldn't make you. You also mention you had 3 kids, but then you say your girls (21 and 13) and your boys (are also teens). So multiple girls and multiple boys is more than 3 kids. ????

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/26/2016

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Good lord, I hate auto correct! DVR should be DCF!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/26/2016

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Sarah, they don't do it without consent here at all. They simply give these women a choice: to remain on their full assistance, they must agree to a birth control method, in order to reduce the state spending on multiple pregnancies for women who could not afford the families they already had. it was combined with a parenting program which wamandatory as well. My friend did agree to the birth control, but stopped taking it because she wanted a girl. She had four boys already, was only 22, she and her husband had been visited by DVR for poor parenting choices already. When her fourth pregnancy resulted in an umbilical hernia, she was given the BC choice, and told that another pregnancy could be potentially hazardous, but chose to go off her agreed upon bc because she wanted a girl. When she didn't fill her script, DVR gave her another choice, which was to have a tubal and get the hernia fixed, or they would not provide state assistance for any subsequent pregnancies. She would have had to have private insurance, which was not at the time, a requirement in the US

Yes, it sounds draconian, but if there is a necessity, the state will do something.

Michelle - posted on 05/26/2016

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I also agree that if you can't afford have a reversal then how will you afford a child?
Look into adoption.

Sarah - posted on 05/24/2016

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I agree Dove, I don't think the government can force you to be sterilized without consent. I do think there were a few states who offered incentive to women on assistance to have surgical sterilization, but force her? I do often wonder why they don't limit the amount of children they will pay benefits for? Like if you want to have 9 kids,fine but you are only getting benefits for three. I think a woman's reproductive rights are a tough legal nut to crack.

Dove - posted on 05/24/2016

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I thought it was illegal for the state to order someone to do that, Shawnn...?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/24/2016

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Sounds as if, (since you most definitely were not a teen when your 3rd came along, nor your second, most likely according to the math here,) were on state assistance, and state assistance will only cover so many irresponsible pregnancies before they'll order a tubal in order to save the rest of the taxpayers money.

Since you WERE an adult at that time, you DID have the option to refuse surgery if it would have been voluntary. (or if you went OFF of assistance) so if it was NOT voluntary, you were on some type of assistance that mandated it.

As far as a reversal, if you can't afford it, you can't. Simple as that. No one is going to pay into a go fund me page for that, either. Options at this point are adoption, which is expensive, or IVF with eggs drawn from your ovaries and his sperm added, which is, again, expensive.

Not to mention that if you don't have the cash for the reversal, how are you really going to afford to raise a child now?

Dove - posted on 05/24/2016

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38-21... is 17. 38-13... is 25. You were not a teen when you gave birth to your third child and therefore it was none of your mom's business what you did w/ your reproductive organs.

Though by reading your post you certainly don't sound 38... you still sound like a child. If you can't afford a tube reversal... look into adoption. Fostering to adopt is usually very reasonable.

Otherwise... just live w/ it. You can't blame anyone else for the choices you've made in your life. Part of being an adult is holding yourself accountable for all your actions... past and present.

Sarah - posted on 05/24/2016

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What this about, do you suspect you are already pregnant?
http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-circ...

Please know that the extreme desire to have a baby can cause all of the symptoms you list. If you have not confirmed or ruled out a pregnancy, you need to. And the post is correct, the risk of ectopic pregnancy is very high.

Jodi - posted on 05/24/2016

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A simpler solution would have been to stop having sex when you were a teen, but you clearly weren't going to do that, so your mother probably felt she had no choice.

If you can't afford a reversal, then you probably can't afford the alternative, being IVF. Instead of lamenting about not being able to have another baby, because what's done is done, focus on building a life with your husband after your children are grown. It's not going to be that bad if you have common interests. You can focus on the fact that by the time that happens, you'll maybe be closer to having grandbabies to spoil, plan to see the world when you no longer have children to support and you can start to save money. Find some other goals that will make you happy.

Edited to add: I just did the maths, and you were 25 when you had your youngest, not a teen.....so I am confused as to why your mother even had any say in having your tubes tied. How is it that you figured you had 3 kids in your teens?

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