First child and terrified. Advice?

Erika - posted on 08/17/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello,
I am 25 and almost 7 weeks pregnant with my first child. I'm not married but my boyfriend is extremely supportive and I think is looking to propose which I am happy about. However.. I feel very alone right now. I will be so excited about this baby one minute and then completely panicked the next. I'll be sitting in a restaurant and suddenly realize I'm going to have to always have a baby in tow. I've always been in love with babies ever since I was a toddler and I am a great babysitter. I couldn't wait to have kids. Now that it's happening sometimes I really don't want it. My boyfriend works out of town a lot and I am college and will be alone a lot. I don't really feel adoption or abortion is an option for me. Sometimes I love my baby.. sometimes I dont. I feel horribly guilty about these feelings. It seems every time I feel unhappy about this pregnancy is when I feel sick. Which is a lot. I feel like I cant live like this for another 7 some months... My family is Catholic and I'm afraid they will shun me. My parents won't but my grandmother and aunts and cousins might. My mother is making me feel like this is so wrong but I need her to be happy for me. Why do I keep changing my mind about how I feel about this baby? My boyfriend doesn't understand what it's like to be pregnant and my friends with kids have never felt this way. Help?

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Tara - posted on 08/24/2016

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I never felt unhappy about my pregnancy, but I did feel kind of numb or almost indifferent for the first while. That's probably because I was nervous about anything going wrong in the early stages of pregnancy. Once I hit the 3 month mark I felt more at ease and it started to become more real, but still it probably took me getting to the stage of feeling him kicking and moving around in there for me to feel connected and in awe of what my body was making in there. You'll find that, too. It's the most amazing feeling, you can be doing the most mundane thing - grocery shopping, working, talking on the phone, ordering at a restaurant, and you feel a little nudge in your belly reminding you you're never alone. I loved being pregnant at that point.

But nothing prepared me for the first time I heard him cry in the delivery room. And you can't believe the feelings of love and happiness that pour over you when you are handed your tiny little bundle for the first time. Sometimes it's tough, my little guy is only 11 months old and there are some days where I practically have to force myself to get through the day, counting down the minutes to bedtime. But those days are few and far between, most days are filled with wonder, like when you hear your baby laugh or they learn to wave or walk or start feeding themselves finger foods or figuring out how puzzle pieces fit properly or trying to stack blocks, or seeing all the funny facial expressions they can make. So many tiny little moments that will bring you such joy. There will be moments of frustration too, like when my son decided it would be fun to start just letting anything he ate or drank dribble out of his mouth and down his chest. Formula, water, cereal, yogurt, fruit pouches. Thankfully that was a short lived phase ;)

There's no denying it, it can be very hard work, but I feel like being a mom is the best thing I've done with my life. My son is my life. You won't regret it, and it would be petty of any of your family to not embrace your baby as the blessing that s/he will be.

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Mary - posted on 08/24/2016

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Do not worry, once your baby is in your arms, you will fall so in love with him or her that all those feelings will seem so far away. Its true that being a mama is hard work, but every drop of sweat and tear is so worth it. Babies are such a gift from God and you have been blessed so much. I pray you will be able to bond with your baby as you feel him or her grow inside you. One thing that might be helpful is signing up for the " how my baby is growing" emails on babycenter. It can help you realize how much a little person that baby is! I pray that the Lord will bless you and your precious little one. And if you are afraid you can pray to Jesus, He will listen to you. He cares so much about you and your baby. You are never alone dear friend. God bless
M

Stephanie - posted on 08/17/2016

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I totally understand about feeling alone, but you are not alone I'm having my second child a year after having my first and even I'm happy, scared, sad, unsure.. It's normal I agree with the first commenter hormones play a big role also hang in there and try not to get to stressed out! Take a breath everything will work out 🙂

Kim - posted on 08/17/2016

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Having a baby is worth it 100%. Hang in there. The hormones and everything else going on with you will tell you otherwise sometimes. It will be worth it to have the baby and call it your own I promise. Pray about it.

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