First child has spina bifida; having a hard time convincing husband to have another baby

Ashley - posted on 01/24/2015 ( no moms have responded yet )

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Hello everyone. I am new to this site and am in need of advice. My name is Ashley and my husband and I have an incredible 5 y.o. Boy named Cawood. Cawood was born August 18, 2009 with spina bifida. His was fairly low on his spinal cord but not low enough that it hasn't impacted him emencly. Cawood can walk with the assistance of his walker and twister cable braces. He spends most of his time in his wheel chair but we are working on getting him strong enough to walk more. He has no control over bowel and bladder and we recently started cathing him. Cawood is in kindergarten and he is such a smart and energetic boy. Recently I have been struggling with the issue of having a second child. I really want to, but my husband is not sold on the idea. Every time I bring up the issue he either automatically says, "no." Or will say that we will talk about it later. I know he has concerns as I do also. I am 32 years old and will be 33 in October. I am very over weight and I smoke.(outside our home and not around my child) he has said in the past that if I got myself healthy that we would revisit the idea. So as a New Years resolution we both began dieting to get ourselves healthier. I am having a hard time with it but am determined!
Late last night I got a call from my sister who gave me the great news that she was pregnant and having her second child. I was so very happy for her. However, a small part of me is extremely jealous. I want a baby so much but I feel as if it will never happen. I know I have steps to take before I can get pregnant. I just get so down sometimes when I think of my husband not wanting to have another one. I want this baby to add to our family, but my main concern is cawood not having a sibling. I am the secong oldest of five so I know how rewarding it is to come from a large family and to have siblings. I want that for him as well. I want him to have so done to play with and to talk to. I am also so scared of what the future brings for him. What if he never meets a nice girl and never gets married? What if he never gets the opportunity to have a family of his own? What if he is alone when me and my husband are gone from this world? These are very heavy thoughts on my heart constantly. I want him to have a brother or a sister that he can always have there for him as a support system or just a friend.
I guess my main concern is what if my husband never wants to have another baby? He is a wonderful dad and I love him with all my heart. He takes care of this family with everything he has. I couldn't ask for a better life partner. He just shuts down a lot of the time when the topic comes up and I don't know if he is scared that we will have another child with spina bifida or if he hints we can't handle it financially. It's so hard to tel
L with him and he doesn't always talk freely and openly about his feelings and worries. I have all the same worries, but I like to talk about them.
So I guess I'm in need of advice from anyone on here who is willing to give it. Whether you have been through the same thing or whether you just have an opinion on the matter. This is my first post and would love to chat with any moms who have kids with S.B. thanks so very much for reading this long rant :) I appreciate it!
Ashley

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