First time mom in 30's questioning 2nd child

Cc1983 - posted on 12/31/2013 ( 12 moms have responded )

9

0

0

I had my first child 6months before I turned 30 we planned to get pregnant on his first birthday lol we did not go through with that plan I am 10 days away from being 31 yrs of age. I have horrific back problems and some depression my son is 17 months old and weighs 30lbs I weigh 100 lbs. My husband is an amazing father I am a sahm he works from home but also travels a lot for work! The first 6-8 weeks I was alone and breast-feeding. It wasn't until my son was 13 months when he started over night stays that was not my decision it was lack of interest within families. So my question is has anyone been through this I am scared to have another and I'm scared not to I am worried about my age I feel I do not have the luxury of time on my side to weight and figure it out!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Angela - posted on 01/01/2014

8

0

3

I worry about that too. We had our little guy a year ago in December and I'm turning 30 this year, I always think down the road, I want to be healthy, active and around my child's whole life and to someday get to know my grandchildren and I always worry if I wait too long I won't get the opportunity to see all of that and there's always the risks with being harder to conceive and a higher risk of complications although like most people said the big jump is at 35. Our problem is my husband was laid off and is now in school and working hard and doing great, but do we wait a few years until he's in a better place job wise or do we have another little one now well we're still younger.
It's a hard desicion to make, like someone else ssuggested maybe you can talk to your doctor about the depression and back problems. I'm sorry you don't have more family support nearby, maybe there's some mommy groups where you could get to know some other woman that could give you a hand when your husband's away. Good luck with everything

Angela - posted on 12/31/2013

3

0

0

Well I think you should relax and take your time 35 is really when they say it gets tough to get pregnant. My story is I met my husband at 36 we got married when I was 38 I had my son Tyler at 40 and my daughter by the grace of God at 44. Hailee is 19 months old and I turned 46 this past August. I wanted to have my 2nd quickly because I was 40 when I delivered my first but for what ever reason I could not conceive. We even tried Invitro when I was 42 it did not work the doctor told my I was old and my eggs were old and he said the ONLY way I could have a second baby would be to use Invitro with the egg if a younger woman. Well that was not an option so I gave up and felt blessed to have my beautiful son I went on a diet and lost 24lbs and bam I got pregnant one month after I turned 44. I was shocked and elated my pregnancy was easy and my baby is beautiful and smart. I def did not plan to have 4 1 /2 year separation between babies but now I'm so happy because I had time to enjoy Tyler and he got to be the baby for 4 years then he was a Big boy no longer a baby and he was so helpful, he IS so helpful. Also the Baby learns so much from an older sibling. Good luck to you whatever you decide I just wanted you to know you really do have time to make that choice. Hugs and best wishes!!!

Jodi - posted on 12/31/2013

3,562

36

3907

I'm not going to give false hopes, because while there are women there giving birth to perfectly healthy babies when they are over 35 and even into their 40s, I think we can be realistic enough to recongise that your fertility rate (and therefore chances of pregnancy) decreases over 30, and this decrease escalates once you are over 35. The risks of both miscarriage and complications or birth defects also increase. I, myself, had my daughter at age 36, but I also had two miscarriages leading up to this. So you are being sensible in asking the question.

However, having said that, 31 is still young, you could probably give it another couple of years before you decide for sure. Life can take many twists and turns, and things might be very different in a couple of years. Are you receiving treatment for your depression?

Vivienne Frances - posted on 12/31/2013

61

0

18

My four children were all easy to concieve,first at 21,2nd at 28,34 and 39,all easy(thank goodness)I am now 44,and would love another,been trying but nothing so far:(,they say the forties are harder to conceive in,twenties and thirties eggs are still good apparently(well i had no probs)best of luck,wish i could go back to my thirties,i would have squeezed number five in then!(or at least tried)

Vivienne Frances - posted on 12/31/2013

61

0

18

I also have back problems,I had my third child at 35,and my fourth at 39.5 years!there are women in their forties having healthy and natural births,My Nan was 47 when she had her 8th baby(not planned,but very healthy).31 is not old!!!It's up to you if you feel you could cope with another baby(as you have had some depression and back problems),maybe you should discuss with a doctor before proceeding,best of wishes to you.

12 Comments

View replies by

Cc1983 - posted on 01/02/2014

9

0

0

Thanks for your reply! The family issue I'm very much used to its just hurtful! Being alone I'm also used to that's how we make our living so.. Again that is hurtful bc I see how much help others including myself have given and I feel like me and my child aren't even a second thought but again I am very used to it!! I have been seeing my dr which is suggesting specialits after specialist for several things such a pain in the ass really lol! As far as you are concerned all the things you are worried about now for having another child is why I started so late my husband wanted to finish school have a career all that which put my dreams on the back burner however God really blessed us so I can't complain but I will and do lol I really wish I had started younger I truly do! And trust me God I'm not sure of your religion but has always provided for us in ways that I am still blown away by I see how it all worked out and couldn't be more thankful if this is what you truly want now I say pray about it and go for it things will come your way you never expected!!! Good luck to you and your family!! Thanks for replying! I really love this site or maybe it's the women over 30 that's involved :)!!!

Cc1983 - posted on 12/31/2013

9

0

0

Thank you for your story! I definitely want to have another child I have 3 siblings so a house full of children close in age was what I had always wanted but again I'm getting older etc i wanted them close in age like my brothers and sister however I see my friends that are younger and I see how much of an advantage there is to having the siblings age gap pretty far apart! I guess just a little disappointed in myself bc I am not where I wanted to be for many reasons however I truly have the most beautiful baby I have ever laid eyes on and that's not being biased he was beautiful the day he was born he looked like he was 3 months old he was just stunning and still is!! I really enjoy all of the feed back its nice to have a place where women can talk freely without all the bashing!! I really do appreciate everyone's stories!! Thanks!!!

Vivienne Frances - posted on 12/31/2013

61

0

18

thanks sooo much,best of luck to you also,it will happen for you!! :)

Cc1983 - posted on 12/31/2013

9

0

0

Jodi that's where I'm at my understanding is 35 fertility rates drop! I started Wellbutrin 2 weeks ago I have struggled with depression my whole life! I went with that bc it has been around and not very strong I am afraid it's not going to work out lol! But like you said and I agree I don't believe I have a whole lot of time in my side!! Hoping by his next bday in 6 months maybe I will be ready!!!???? I dreamed if having tons of kids but I also never thought I would start so late being alone a lot and having several health issues! Thank you for your reply again I appreciate it!!

Cc1983 - posted on 12/31/2013

9

0

0

Well I wish you luck and bet you will have that baby!! I will say a prayer for you! Sounds like you really love being a mother!! I do as well I just wish I could have started younger lol but we wanted to be "responsible"!! Anyways thanks for your replies and best of luck to you as well!!

Cc1983 - posted on 12/31/2013

9

0

0

Thank you for your reply its encouraging the age thing is getting to me! I've also had 2 miscarriages in the last 4 months unplanned and also chemical pregnancies! This does give me hope that I have more time on my side than I thought and I have been seeking medical attention for several health issues I have including back and depression! Again thank you for responding I appreciate it!!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms