FIRST time Single TODDLER Mom Home Alone Help

Cherelle - posted on 05/23/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Ok, so this is my first child, thus first experience with raising my toddler(2yrs old). She is very, very active and strong willed which is completely opposite of me. I love my daughter to death, but sometimes I feel very overwhelmed. I don't really know what all to do with her while we sit here all day at home. I want to be a great mom, but I was totally not ready for a kid that would be so much unlike me. I don't really have much experience other than while i was younger. I know I am still young, but I have never been a very energetic person apart from childhood. I have also always been a quiet person not liking lots of loud noises. I am very grateful for the gift that God has given me through her, so please don't take me as ungrateful. I realIy consider it an honor that God allowed me to have this wonderful kid, who is extremely intelligent and bright! am just concerned that I may not be giving her all she needs to become a great adult. Im not sure what all is important to do at this stage with her. Reading things online is one thing apart from reality! Some days are very good but i would like for every day to be better, but at some point I just zone out and need alone down time to recoup. I have been this way my whole life, it is so hard to function with this little person who looks and walks like, running everywhere she goes, yelling at the top of her lungs for no reason (never angry, just extremely joyful for some reason), and touching everything she isn't supposed to, and refusing to use the potty. I was a very introverted person before her. I don't like to talk all day, especially to repeat myself over and over and over and over..... PLEASE SOME ONE HELP ME!

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Vanessa - posted on 05/26/2014

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OK...I imagine taking her to church can be not only frustrating but a little bit embaressing since little ones can be squirmy and loud. Does your church have a kids program? If not, perhaps talk to other Mom's at your church and find out what they did with their kiddos. And at church, with a 2 and 3 year old I think it's totally fine to leave the sermon for 5-10 minutes and come back, as many times as it takes. Some days I only stay for half sermons.
These next several years (I think) are about imprinting your parental style on your daughter. So lots and lots of repitition, develop the "mad mommy" faces so that she can learn your cues. And point out how your face looks when she's misbehaving.
And we all get frustrated and pull our hair out by the end of the day. We all made mistakes. So recognize your mistakes, forgive yourself, and move one.
I'm a pretty impatient, sometimes short tempered Mommy, so I the way I learned to deal with this, which has proved effective is, I try to stop the behavior before it starts, "head it off at the pass". If that doesn't work I warn them sternly, then if necessary follow through with the age-appropriate discipline. THEN, swoop in full of hugs and kisses, and move on. So, they learn Mom is serious, I can trust that Mom is going to discipline me, and I can trust that Mom will always love me no matter what.
Discipline is a necessary form of teaching. The least pleasant of all. But she will learn. My head-strong daughter has just turned 4, and I'm just beginning to see that the hard work paid off.
Have a super day with your Super Girl.

Cherelle - posted on 05/25/2014

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Thank you so, so much! I truly appreciate it! I had never thought about going to the library with er because quite places are hard enough, especially church! But as far as quiet time.. I need EXTRA prayers! I try to discipline and be firm, but I end up feeling guilty and it never really works anyway because she keeps doing it anyway! I usually (on a good day) can make it all the way up until the afternoon without pulling my hair out or loosing my temper, but i feel so horrible that I don't have more patience! I hate yelling at her, but talking low and calm, she only ignores me or takes it as a joke! And yes she does talk very well (as commented upon by lots of people). She talks all day and comes up with the cutest things to say and loves to sing very loudly no matter where we are. She's also a lively dancer that will burst into motion at any given moment even church! Yesterday as the pastor was preaching she somehow felt it was her cue to stand up and begin clapping, wiggling her body, and yelling responses to what the pastor was saying! We sit in the front the church and I wanted to crawl completely into my skin! LOL, but only a laughing matter after the fact. I talked to her over and over two days pryer about how we behave in church, but it all went right out the window when we made it inside. What do you think I can do to be more effective with getting her to listen to me and do as i say or not take me as a complete joke and walk off murmuring or talking right over me protesting as if she is an adult??

Vanessa - posted on 05/23/2014

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So glad another introverted person reached out! My daughter is the same way. My first was a mild mannered son (like myself), and then Bang! here came my daughter. So, all that energy is great! She's going to be a go-getter.
---So what to do all day: give her places to move and play. Take her outside to places where she can toddle around freely, and you can also gain a little space too. And help her focus, Read to her. Or look at books and magazines and talk about what you see. You can engage her.
---Go to your library and check out all the cool toddler programs they may have. Strong willed children can be more social, so she can make friends (and you too) and maybe she'd love story time.
--Go to Walmart and buy one of those big $1.50 balls, she can roll on it ,kick it, pick it up. Great in the house or outside.
---AND, right now, while she's young, you need to establish yourself as a loving wonderful authority figure in your home. It's going to be work, but you must let her know that Mommy is the boss. And be prepared for lots of repitition.
--Also, there's nothing wrong with saying, Mommy needs a little quiet time right now. It'll take a while for her to learn it. Teach her the quiet game, and the difference in an "inside voice" and "outside voice".
--BUT, you can't expect a 2 year old to refrain from touching, so do yourself a favor and pack up all those nice things that she can't touch and put them away. She's still short, so keep the remotes and breakables out of her reach. And buy cabinet locks. Babyproof your house.
---Talking: if your 2 year old is talking your ear off, it's probably because she's pretty smart. And by they way, the talking doesn't stop. (Which is good because that means she inquisitive). Be sure you get her down for her nap. But not too late in the day so that she'll go down to sleep early in the evening. You need your alone time. And ask for help from family, if you can.
---Mommy groups: Even though your introverted, reach out. Get yourselves out of the house. Check out meetups.com online. Other Mommys have lots of ideas. And kids enjoy seeing each other too! They'll give you a chance to talk to an empathetic listener and give your daughter a place to spread her wings.
And know, this too shall pass, and when you look at pictures of her when she was two you'll think...."Ah! It wasn't that terrible."

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