Nisha Sud - posted on 12/05/2014 ( 19 moms have responded )
My husband and I have been married for 18 and half years now, we had an arranged marriage, he was my dad's choice. We got married very quick as he was he as a visitor and had to leave the country soon, my dad got us a quick city hall wedding. Things we good for a few years, but like any other marriage we had some differences, i seem to be a lovable person, i like attention, i like to do things together, he on the other hand likes to his things, and wants me to do what i have to do on my own. He didn't find it neccessary to do things together, like cook dinner together, go groceries together, clean back yard together, he is very much to himself. It hurt for a few years, how he kind of distance himself, i think its important to do things together. I like to talk, and wanted him to be my friend and husband, but its also hard to communicate with him, he seems to always be guarding himself, always changing up my words, then he gets upset, so i tried not talking that much. When things bothered and I needed to talk about it with him to resolve the issue, again he would get upset, switch up my words, bring up past issues that have nothing to do with the current situation, so i just leave it and it doesn't get resolved. He doesn't seem to be a happy person, i know he had some childhood problems, but i did too, he doesn't like to talk, and anything that goes wrong in his life it always seems to be my fault, even if i had nothing to do with it, he takes everything out on me, by being grumpy moody. After so many years, i know him so well, his body expressions, his moods, the way he breathes, everything, Both my parents passed away a few years ago, one year apart, first my mom, then my dad a year later. He was there for me at the time, but at that time i couldn't think straight i was lost in my own loss, but now when i look back he really wasn't very sincere, or compassionate. His dad also passed away last year, and i feel real bad, i feel his pain, but now things are worst, he said somehow its part my fault his dad died, his dad went back home to visit and passed away over there. I didn't get along with his dad, i didn't mind him as a person, but had problems with him living with us, as I saw he had lots of bad living habits, and maybe i felt that his son does not treat me well, still he stayed with us in our home for 4 to 5 years, i didn't say much to him, when he first came to stay with us, i was ok because i didn't know him then, i welcomed him into our home, i bought him furniture for his room, did what i could, then i saw how bad his living habits were at home and it bothered me, so i just kept to myself didn't talk to him, just did my duties for him, cooked, etc. My husband didn't like the way i ignored him, i felt if i didn't like him, its better i don't say anything to him, this also caused problems for us, his dad later on when to stay with his other son, as he had a bigger house and had space for him. My husband was very nice to my family, and my parents, but he did have a problem if my mom came to visit once in awhile, when i had my babies, i had a c section for both my boys, she wanted to come for a week to help out, we wouldn't let her, and same with my 2nd son, she came when i went into labour after i had my surgery i was in the hospital my mom came to me said bye and that she was going back home, i said why i thought u were staying, i was kind of out it at that time on morphine and in a lot of pain, she said my husband told her he didn't need her to stay, he said his brother was coming to the hospital and taking my older son who was 5 at that time home with him, so my mom didn't need to stay to watch my other son, his brother came to the hospital, had an arguement with his wife while they were there, and both left without taking my older son with them, so i was in pain the nurses said my son couldn\t stay, I had noone to watch my son now as he sent my mom home, so my husband had to drive all the way to toronto, an hour drive to pick up my niece bring her to our house to watch my older son, i was scared in the hospital and didn't want him to leave, but had no choice, 6 mths after that his dad came to stay with us, still i took his dad in. Since his dad passed away he has come more and more distant with, i can understand his pain, as i have been there twice, the problem now is, my son plays basketball, last year i was working shift work, so i missed out on a lot of games, and tournaments, this year i am on days, and have and will be going to all the games. My husband is a very nice man when he wants to be and to who he wants to be to, He has been picking up another mom who's son is on the team, she is a single mom, 15 years younger than us, pretty, skinny, her house is out of our way, last year i didn't think anything of it, i trust him, never would have even thought anything, he seems very shy around other women. Now that i have been going to the games, i notice how close these two have been, he leaves me to go sit with her, follows her around the gym, she has a younger daughter as well who is 6 years old, plays with her, even babysits her while she is playing in the hallway, and keeps an eye on her like he is her dad? takes care of their jackets and belongings, folds her daughters jacket and puts it with his jacket, i found it weird, but didn't say anything, i know he likes kids, he has been also buying her kids treats, donuts, buying the mom coffee all the time without taking her money, to me it looks like he has a crush on her. He seems so happy when they are around us, like a child who has a crush on someone. I still kept quiet, until recently he made a comment to me in front of her, i asked him if he wants to go for a walk, as we had 3 hours between the games, and he was just sitting in the cafeteria trying to hang out with her, he said no u can go if u want, u can go out that door i can open it for you and close it, i told him oh u are such a gentleman,she over heard and said what was that and starting laughing, i said nothing, then he told her oh you know of those no no answers, and they both started laughing together and saying no no no, they have a joke between each other, last year we were at a hotel and i asked her if wanted to go the gym with me to workout she said mmm no, and husband thought it was funny, he said i like the way u said no, no no no,, so up to now they are making it a joke, so he is showing her that he doesn't get along with me, i felt so embarrassed and insulted, then after that him and i went to get a coffee, i bought one for, when we came back, he went to give it to her, and her money back that he didn't use, she said oh you didn't take my money, she said from all the time you buy me stuff it makes up for a dinner, he held her hand and looked into her eyes and said i would rather take u up on the dinner. and i was standing behind him. I was so hurt, we went home and i asked him what the hell is going on, he said nothing, i am crazy, there is nothing going on, i said what u say and what i see don't match up, if u don't want to be with me, u are free to go and be with her, he denied everything, he just said he thinks she is a nice person, and enjoys her company, he thinks she is funny. I told him, does it make u feel like a man insulting your wife in front of the whole team? u insult me, embarrass me, yourself and your son, parents are looking at me?? would if the kids see that and start teasing your son? Now I am going to stop the pick ups and drop offs for her, she usually emails my husband and not me when she needs to be picked up, i asked him let me see ur emails that she sends u, he said he doesn't keep any, he deletes all the old emails, i know he is lying, i said next time she emails u i want u to forward it to me an i will reply back, i don't want you to get involved anymore, i will reply back to her, he sent her an email and cc me on it, but not an email that she sent, a new one that he sent to her, asking her to contact me if she needs a ride for the next practice as he will not be going. Now he is grumpy and mad at me, showing to me that i am not a nice person, and he is, i don't want to help anyone, and the funny thing is another parent lives 2 minutes away from her house, who has been offering her a drive since last year, but she doesn't take her offer, i didn't know that till now, she would still prefer my husband come out of his to pick her up and drop them off, I told my husband she is no longer welcome in our car, this is it. He is now showing attitude with me, like i am doing something wrong, and i am crazy, i think he is always doing something, this is the first time i ever thought this, he thinks she is a nice person. A woman who laughs with another married man when he insults his wife is not a respectable woman, its like the both are together and i am an outsider., I am so hurt and don't know what to do?