Follow child's wishes or get in contact?

Jessica - posted on 10/28/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )




So I left my ex husband 3 years ago almost and he had full custody of our kids. I moved out of state and have not had anything to do with my kids for almost 3 year. Both my fault and the fathers fault because he would not let me. But my son died last year due to a fetynal overdose and his dad was taken to court because of it. Well I got a lawyer to keep up on the case so if my daughter got taken out of home I could try and get custody of her. Well my lawyer told me it would be a huge battle to try and get custody of her because I have not had anything to do with her in almost 3 years. The Law Guardian who is representing my daughter say's she is happy and doesn't not want to move and so he would not be in my favor for custody. So is it selfish of me to want something to do with her now? I don't plan at this moment to go after custody I plan to possible just do phone conferences, webcam sessions, and visitations. I am trying to keep what is best for her and what she would want in the picture instead of what I want. Any ideas or help?

Today I found this out....Ok so I had my daughter's Child Advocate talk with my daughter and supposedly the only memory she has of me is me slapping her...which if that would have been the case it would have been a spanking but nothing more...She also say's that she hasn't seen me in 2-3 years and does not what to see or talk to me. I fear that her father may be influencing her but don't know for sure. I also don't know since I want what is her best interests if I should continue to try and have contact with her or since she wants me supposedly to stay out of her life if I should just leave her be...She's only 5 so I'm not sure what is best.


[deleted account]

A 5 year old isn't old enough to decide she doesn't want anything to do w/ one of her parents. Since you can't go back in time and NOT bail on her in the first place... make and maintain regular contact before she IS old enough to decide to have nothing to do w/ you.

Start small and slow, for sure, but let her know that you love her and won't bail again and KEEP letting her know that for as long as it takes. Assuming, of course, that that is the truth.


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~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/29/2011




If I have the wrong person, please correct me. There was a similar thread to this a while back, and I was wondering if this is the update to it all.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/29/2011




If I remember correctly, you made a thread about this recently. That was you right? So is this her new feelings on this? I think you were talking about skyping with her for now....talking on the phone etc....slowly building the relationship...and then when she is ready doing a one on one with her??? I guess it is not working as well as you would have liked? So sorry....just keep trying.

Johnny - posted on 10/29/2011




I must agree with Christy. I would strongly encourage you to try to forge some sort of relationship with her. She may not understand now, but if you don't, she will just grow up thinking that you do not care, and that is far worse. Whatever that relationship looks like will be up to her in the long run, but supervised visits are an excellent idea to start building something.

Christy - posted on 10/29/2011




Talk to your EX about setting up supervised visits with your daughter. AT LEAST it's a start, even if they are supervised visits, you know? Phone calls won't mean much to her given her age. Good luck.

Cindy - posted on 10/29/2011




Since she is only 5, she's not old enough to decide whether or not she wants to see or talk to you. She's not mature enough to make that type of decision and the court should not take that into consideration. In CA the court does not take into consideration what the child wants until they are 10 years old. If you really want to be a part of her life now, you are entitled to be. The past is just that, the past. It's best for child to have relationship with both parents.

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/28/2011




that is a tough one. clearly they only had the fathers influence,so between that and having your typical childish/teenage attitude they are going to have their mind made up,but if your passionate about wanting too be in your kids life,i think you should make the first step,let them get to know you. and if they are still wanting nothing out of it then there isnt much else you can do.

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