Forgive a perpetual cheater?

Samantha - posted on 08/22/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Where do I begin? My husband and I have been together for 7 years. We've been married 4 of those and we have a 6 year old son. Shortly after our son was born my husband, then fiancé, started talking to a girl (she was 18, literally a girl) he worked with. Then he started leaving me (a first time mom) at home with our very young son to go hang out with this girl and her newborn. When I found out he said I had "changed" and I wasn't fulfilling his needs. Of course I changed! I grew up and became a mom and being a mom to a breast feeding newborn is exhausting! Long story short I forgave him and we got back together. Since then we got married and I found out he's had five others that I know of. He swears he hasn't had any physical relationships with anyone but me. I love him but I hate everything he's done. It's so hard to get past the anger. He swears he's never doing it again because he wants to be a good husband and good father. Is it possible for someone to change in this way? I believe people can change I just don't know if cheaters can change. Is it possible to forgive a perpetual emotional cheater?

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Samantha - posted on 08/22/2013

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Not to mention I feel guilty for telling him to leave bc he doesn't have anyone else here. We live in Kentucky and he is from Florida. I dragged him away from his home and family so I could be with my family.

Michelle - posted on 08/22/2013

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But how long can you keep up the charade for your son? Sooner rather than later it will become too much for you and it will all fall in a heap. Don't stay together for the sake of your child, it does more harm than good.
I was also from a broken home and vowed that I would do that to my children but some things are out of our control. it was the best thing i did for my children and myself.
Instead of being brought up in an unhappy household, my children have experienced how happy a marriage can be. They see what true love is and hopefully they will strive to find the right partner for themselves.

Samantha - posted on 08/22/2013

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The bad thing is I was married once before him to a Marine who decide to have sex with a female from his unit while deployed to Iraq. I couldn't forgive him so I filed for divorce and went home. As for sex he tried to make me feel guilty about it by saying he doesn't ask for anything else but that. I was just a little older than my son when my parents got divorced. I was a huge daddy's girl and I was crushed when I didn't get to see him every day. Then when my dad remarried a woman with four kids I was brushed aside like the every other weekend visitor. I don't want my son to have the same childhood that I did. I know that everyone says its better for kids to be in a broken home than where parents fight all the time. But we don't fight. I cry when no one is around and he acts like everything is fine. Our son is oblivious of our problems.

Michelle - posted on 08/22/2013

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Well I couldn't. My 1st husband cheated on me when I was pregnant with our first child. I found out 2 years after it happened, still had baby #2 with him but really couldn't forgive him. I left when our 2nd child was 1 and it was the best thing I ever did.
I am now married to the most wonderful man who would never even dream of doing what my ex did. He is my soul mate and treats me like his princess.
You deserve to find the person who loves you for who you are and doesn't put any conditions on your relationship. He has put conditions on by saying you don't give him enough sex. My ex did exactly the same for years!!!!!

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