Found out my husband was watching porn on the computer even though he knew how I felt about it. I am devastated.

Laura - posted on 12/10/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have been married for just about 10 years. I discussed with him early on in our relationship that I was not comfortable at all with him watching porn. We discussed it several times througout the years. I found out six weeks ago by accident that he was watching porn on our computer with me home and masturbating. I confronted him and he lied. He eventually told me the entire truth. I feel so betrayed and like I don;t even know him any more. After fighting for weeks we started going to a therapist and it is helping but I don't think I will ever feel the same about him again. Anyone who can offer up advice I would appreciate it.

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Laura - posted on 12/11/2012

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Carrie thanks for your reply. He only came clean after I showed him the computer history and shows him the videos he downloaded. He denied it at first and then admitted it because the proof was stareing him in the face. The bigger problem was that he was neglecting me and we hadn't been intimate for several months unless I approached him. He wouldn't even give me a kiss or be affectionate with me in any way. It is not just that fact that he watched the porn, pleasured himself, and lied about it but that he was neglecting me.

Carrie - posted on 12/11/2012

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I wish this was a subject I knew nothing about but sadly I do. I caused me so many problems in my marriage as well. I understand how you feel but I must give you this advice. If you are happy in your marriage, he isn't neglecting you, you like who he is and are basically happy I say try to be understanding. You don't have to like it. You don't have to watch it either. However, for some reason he feels the need to watch it. he also felt the need to hide it probably because he knows how you feel about it. However, I commend him for coming clean with you. That took guts. I think sometimes people, both men and women, feel the need to have some parts of them secret. Sometimes, I think it's because they feel that it won't be acceptable. however, odds are it is merely an outlet for him and as long as he was honest and your needs are being met and you're both happy in the relationship, well, maybe just let it be. We don't have to like everything about our mate. Right? Good luck to you and try not to take it personally. It honestly has nothing to do with you at all.

Laura - posted on 12/11/2012

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I know that when I met him he used to watch them that is why when we got together we had a very clear and specific conversation about it. He knew he was doing wrong because he was sneaking around and trying to cover his tracks. Apparently he stopped shortly before I found out about it. He is never on the computer anymore. I just can't get those images out of my head. I also know that if I never found out that he would have never come clean. Even when I found out he denied it until I showed him the history on the computer and he couldn't deny it.

Tor Akil - posted on 12/10/2012

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Your husband is definitely wrong for watching those movies. He should be ashamed of himself. You know what is weird? There are so many people in those movies probably, and so much money being made from that. If you are really unhappy, see if he is willing to go without the internet for a while. Guys sometimes begin watching those movies as kids or in college. Who knows where or when. One thing is for sure, you started the relationship together, so try to help him stop before he loses what is really important. He knows how important your relationship is, and would probably not want to lose the relationship. Also, think of how you were before you got married. What qualities physically did you have then that you can still use now? Look for ways to take is attention off of those movies and put it on you. Realize that he is not the only man that does that (not man bashing here), but is lowering his standards for some reason. What is that reason? You can be every bit as cute, sexy, attractive, sexual as any 1 dimensional chick flick. (sorry)

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