four month old- cry it out

Ali - posted on 03/04/2014 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am looking for support in teaching my four month old to fall asleep on her own. I know this issue is controversial, so please, keep your negative opinions away, I have researched and tried other methods and nothing is working. During our check ins, our daughter gets even more upset when we try to shush or pat her. Should we stop the check ins or continue with them? This is only our second day with this method and she hasn't cried for longer thn 17 minutes before falling asleep.

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Ali - posted on 03/05/2014

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Thanks for your opinion. My question was directed towards parents who have used this technique. Guess I should have figured that I would get personal opinions on a forum like this even when I want asking for them. Thanks though...m

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/05/2014

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Sounds like you've got it down. Personally? I think CIO in a child under one year is abusive. But, that's my opinion.

Ali - posted on 03/05/2014

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My reason for asking was to see if other momsusing this technique ran into the same problem. Like I stated originally, I wasn't asking if this technique was ok.

Jodi - posted on 03/05/2014

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Why bother asking if you know it all then? Personally, I think allowing a baby this age to cry it out for 17 minutes is cruel and unnecessary. And no, it is not recommended for children under 6 months.

Ali - posted on 03/05/2014

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Thanks for your opinions. Obviously, no mother wants to hear their baby cry. However, we have tried other techniques and they are not working. We were rocking/bouncing her to sleep and it was taking way longer than before- about 30 minutes, and as soon as she hit the sheets she would cry or wake up about 10 minutes later and cry. If she was staying asleep, she was only sleeping for 20ish minutes and waking up crabby. I was following her sleep cues and she was tired when we settled down for a nap. she wasn't getting the sleep she needed and so it was time to try something. The pick up/put down method wasn't working bc she was getting confused and over stimulated. She needed to learn how to fall asleep on her own. Every baby is different and so I believe there is not one method that works for every single child. Our ped and the nurse prac. both said that letting your baby cry for 15-20 min is not abandoning your child or causing any harm. It's not like I left her in there to fend for herself and cry hysterically for hours or even one hour. My whole reason for posting was to find out if our check ins were causing more harm than help.

Last night, she woke up to feed at four a.m. and usually falls asleep while feeding and I will lay her back down. Last night, she was wide awake after her feed and so I rocked with her for about two minutes, told her it was time to go to sleep and put her in her crib and rubbed her head.. I left the room and after about 30 seconds she started to cry. I went in after two minutes and rubbed her back and told her it was ok. I left the room again and she stopped crying and fussed for a bit. Within the half hour she went from fussing lightly to sleep. That NEVER would have happened before we started teaching her to sleep on her own. She woke up happy and ready for the day! Just now, she was getting tired for her first nap. I rocked her for a bit until she became drowsy and then put her down awake and rubbed her back for a few seconds and told her to have a good nap and that I'd see her soon. She cried for a couple of minutes and I was planning on going in to check on her at the five minute mark but she didn't even make it to then before she settled on her own and babbled herself happily to sleep. She has been sleeping now for 45 minutes which is longer than her naps have been in weeks!! :) She is very loved and every need is met. When I let her cry, she is fed, not wet, and not in any pain. So, the first two days were tough, but in reality she never cried for more than 17 minutes and now it is day three and she is already sleeping better and going to bed easier.

Like I said, every child is different and learns differently. Maybe for some babies, four and a half months is too young, but what we are doing is not hard core letting our baby cry by herself for way too long. Obviously this is working for her and she is a more independent baby who is getting the sleep she needs. I just wanted to know if anybody else had experience using this method where their baby also got more upset during the check -ins, not to hear that this method is bad or doesn't work.

Gena - posted on 03/05/2014

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You are asking for advice and i will give you my honost opinion.I wouldnt do the cry it out method,i read in an article about it that the child feels abandoned and that would be something i would never do to my child.Not only that,i could never have let my son cry for such along time and leave him alone in a dark room,it would break my heart.Maybe your daughter cries even more when you do check ins because she is trying to get your attension because she needs you and doesnt want to be alone. At the end of the day,its your child,you are her mother and you need to know whats best for her.I just gave my personal opinion on the method and i know for sure it would never have been an option for us.

Yasmeen - posted on 03/05/2014

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There are some old school pediatricians who still recommend this. The truth to CIO is that, although it seems to work immediately any time the child is sick or has a nightmare you typically have to restart the process again, and again, and again. Days at a time of crying it out, and it never really ends. There is a great book, by Elizabeth Pantley, called No Cry Solutions to Sleep. I highly recommend it, and she has a forum on her website. Its available at most libraries too.
She has a lot of little tricks, like getting the baby to fall asleep in your arms then placing them into the crib. One of our own tricks was to put on a CD at the same song, he would think it was still bedtime!

Jodi - posted on 03/04/2014

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You should not be using any CIO method on a 4 month old baby. Even total advocates do not recommend the method on any infant under 6 months.

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