Four year old step twins stressing marriage

Cindy - posted on 09/14/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I've been married year now, kids come every other weekend. The last coue months they have come over with love which sitter lashes out in us and we r just picking up then treating due to kids mom doesn't tell us then Broncitis now pink eye we spend whole weekend lysolong washing cleaning etc well I do that is due to being wrote up at work for missi g when I got lice. We take them to pediatrics to get meds go to mom on Sunday. I'm resenting them coming over I know it's not kids fault but te mom should stop down playing their illness and tell is or keep them home I would until they were better. It's causing strife in marriage instead of working with me my husband plays victim says I won't have them over anymore. I just don't know what to do. It's unstructured at the kids moms they kick her hit her to get attention babysitter tells us this and no rules so Sunday when they know going to moms the boy is really bad. This is first weekend I have wanted them to leave does this make me bad person and how to get my husband to see this

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/16/2014

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Well, considering that punctuation and paragraphs could make this easier to decipher, what I'm getting is that you're upset because the children of your husband's are requiring some PARENTAL CARE...which is his responsibility!

Parenting doesn't stop when the kids are sick, so why should only one parent have to handle them? You don't get to dictate that their mother 'keep them' when they're sick, rather than send them to their father's for their scheduled time...first, its their agreement, and it's probably court ordered, and second, that's not fair to their mother. I get that you resent having to spend money on their treatment, but face it...they were in the picture first, and care is part of the agreement.

Turn this around, my dear: were they YOUR kids, and your ex's new gf/partner starts to dictate to you how that whole dynamic should work..You'd be completely off the hook. She's be a meddling bitch that needs to back off...you get the picture?

Ev - posted on 09/14/2014

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How long have you actually known the kids? Did you know of the behaviors before marrying their father? Have they always been in such shape every time?

As for the weekends, if there is a custody/visitation orders then you can not refuse to have them over for it breaks the court orders and mom can take him back to court over it. If your husband can not work this out with the ex about their behavior and how they come to your house maybe its time to call family services.

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Leela - posted on 09/15/2014

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Couple questions - do you all have a custody agreement in place? If not then you should get one. Have to say that I can't agree with your stance. If these were your kids, how would you feel if your husband says your kids can't come over? It sounds as though none of you were prepared for step parenting etc and the kids are paying for it. I also find it interesting that you say your husband isn't working with you but plays the victim. You don't appear to be working with him but instead appear to be trying to separate him and his kids. You are now a step mom, not only when the kids are loving etc. You don't seem to have recognized that these are your kids now too and parenting doesn't stop just because you feel like it.

Ev - posted on 09/14/2014

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How long have you been with their father? How long have you known the children? When parents split or divorce the children suffer the most. And when one of the parents gets into a new relationship its hard on the kids because the world they knew is not the same and they have been trying to adjust to their parents being apart. They do not understand adult choices and they did not chose to be in this. They have to go with what is going on and what is decided by others. Sometimes kids will act out to gain any kind of attention if they are not getting it in this situation or its not the kind of attention they want. But if they are living in a messy home with mom and then come to your house where its all clean and they are not, its quite a change for them when the come to visit. They are getting two different ideas of what a home should be. Also, their dad not doing much about things is not helping either. Its hard on them. And they can tell if you are getting disgusted with how they are treated at the mom's. And they can tel if you want them around or not. I know you said that it was not their fault but by saying they can not come anymore makes them feel like it is their fault. Be an advocate for the kids and speak out at least to their dad. Keep trying. Do not nag him but just make it a point to make him notice the next time they come how they are compared to how they are when they get cleaned up. I am sorry this is happening to them. They can not help it when they get two different messages. But its not them that is stressing the marriage: Its the adults that are doing this; mainly their mom and dad for not cooperating in making sure the kids have what they need when they need it. And if it stays this way I am not sure what to tell you.

Cindy - posted on 09/14/2014

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Thanks Evelyn tey just started acting out and we have reported her to children services they state it's not severe enough due to stay law requirements for them to go out there.

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