Freedom

Bailey - posted on 09/29/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

2

0

1

My daughter is 16. How often should I let her go out with friends? Couple times a week? Or am I too strict?

11 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 09/30/2014

3,562

36

3907

It depends what you mean as "going out" with friends. Everyone seems to have a different definition of what that means.

Lori - posted on 09/30/2014

126

0

0

school activities were different than "hanging out" obviously.
sorry - you asked if you were too strict. I just told you what we did at our house (my children are now adults). I didn't know you simply wanted justification for your choices (which you don't have to do) - I thought you were asking what other parents do/did.

Sarah - posted on 09/29/2014

10,227

0

26

Dove,
Thank you, you are right. I am raising 5 successful kids thus far so I must be doing something right!

Dove - posted on 09/29/2014

12,413

0

1354

Sarah... you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Every parent has the right to make the choices that work for THEM. Period.

Sarah - posted on 09/29/2014

10,227

0

26

When I state "hang out" I should have been more specific. They are allowed to remain at the school to use the library or walk 1/2 block to a local coffee shop. They must be home by dinner, which in our case is 5:30, School gets out at 3:15. I often pick up and arrive early to see who is there and how big a group is present. The only child that participates in this activity is my almost 17 yo. She has never given me a reason not to trust her, is on the varsity volleyball team, NHS and gets straight A's. She is NOT allowed to date. I would hardly describe this privilege as reckless, yet I feel the need to defend my choices. And I thought I was the helicopter.
Today we can monitor our kids constantly, short of putting chips in their bodies to track them minute by minute. If your child has earned your trust, then trust yourself. When they blow it, they reap the consequences. I don't feel 3:15 to 5:00 describe a school night. It is after school and on the rare occasion she does not have practice or weight training, I am glad she has some time with her friends. Would you, Lori, describe after school sports practice as a school night activity? If yes, whatever. If no, then why is spending an hour and 45 minutes tops with friends considered hanging out on school night.

Lori - posted on 09/29/2014

126

0

0

my kids were not allowed to just "hang out" with their friends on school nights. period. we took everything else on a case-by-case basis

Sarah - posted on 09/29/2014

10,227

0

26

The other posters make good points. What works for my kids may not for yours.
I do think you need to consider; is she trustworthy? how are her grades? do you know her friends? where do they want to go? does she have other opportunities to socialize? who will drive? I think once you start letting go out frequently, it may be hard to cut back so start slow and let her earn more time out with friends.

Dove - posted on 09/29/2014

12,413

0

1354

It depends on a wide variety of factors... child's maturity, what they are doing, grades, other activities, etc... there is no 'one size fits all' answer to this question.

My oldest is 13 and w/ school, sports (friends there), and youth group (friends there too) there isn't much time during the week for just 'hanging' out. It might happen once or twice or not at all. Weekends/vacations... she is typically gone w/ friends for MOST of the time.

American - posted on 09/29/2014

176

0

8

That's more than I allow my seventeen yr old. it all depends on the maturity of child and type of friends.

Sarah - posted on 09/29/2014

10,227

0

26

Well, since i am regularly referred to as "The Helicopter" I probably will fall on the stricter side of the opinions. My kids are not allowed to go out on school nights, period. However, they are busy with sports etc. They can hang out immediately after school but must be home before dinner, like go get coffee. Also, it must be a group of kids I know. On weekends my 16 yo can go out with a group but she must be home by 11. My eldest is 18 and dates, but has a curfew. As soon as grades slide, I cut back.
I am all for my kids having friend come to my home. I guess it boils down to trust, respect and success at school; when those are in place they get more social time.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms