friend needs help!

Rajnee - posted on 01/22/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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so i have a friend that has a 3 yr old son and his father came to her work place to give her the notice that he wants full custody of the child, she was abused in the relationship before that is why she left him to go live with her parents (ps she lives in NY) .... he never calls to check up on him or anything he hardly has contact with his son now he wants custody, please advice how can she stop him from getting full custody!

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Cecilia - posted on 01/22/2013

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And... for the court to remove a child from a mother, he would need massive massive proof against her. I mean something that screams "this child will die if you leave it there." the courts really do not remove a child from the mother in most cases. Like i said, they might grant visitation. If she wants to prevent this get her ducks in a row now while she has some time.

Cecilia - posted on 01/22/2013

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Well to go to court and get full custody she would need a lawyer. Write up a parenting plan. Hopefully have some proof of the abuse, even if it's an old hospital record. The problem with doing it this way, the judge can and might grant the father visitation. This would make the problem worse not better. she has to go to court full on and with tons of evidence against him.

Courts do not like to remove a parent unless they know for sure they are causing harm to the child. If she can't prove without a reasonable doubt that he is harmful for the child she is honestly better off not taking it to court. If that's the case, wait for him to make a move.

While waiting, do everything possible to make her parenting look good. take parenting classes, make sure all shots are up to date. Make sure the house is spotless ( they might send someone over to check conditions of the house) Shoot even have her make lists of pre-schools he might attend next year. Make sure bills and rent are caught up. And of course call the courthouse and get a lawyer if she can't afford one. They can advise her better than i could on what to do here.

Honestly if i were her i would prevent contact. Do not call him. If nothing else, him calling does show he has concern for the child. which will look good for him in court.

Rajnee - posted on 01/22/2013

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thanks Cecilia for responding, i know that his bday is today so she called him so his son can wish him, but she didnt speak to him them he tried calling her back to talk to her when she did call him back to ask him why hes calling then is when he told her he got something for her and she said to drop it at the workplace only to see it was the notice of wanting full custody of the child. also he did try calling her a few days back i guess to probably tell her about the notice but she didnt not answer......... she takes care of this child herself he hardly calls to find out how he is....her family helps her out with looking after him when she has to work she takes him to a sitter also when no one is available....the main reason shes not with this guy was because he was abusive to her and she feared for her life ........now he wants the child.... other than abandonment what else can she use to have her child to herself?

Cecilia - posted on 01/22/2013

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If he goes 6 months without contact with the child she can file for abandonment under NY law. I know because i'm filing for it right now. He can fight it, he might but tell her to keep track of when he has contact, day and time. And they can pull up phone records if needed to prove he hasn't called.

If she needs to, move and change her number. the court does not care if she made it harder for him to do it... they only care he didn't put in the effort. He can always get this info through child support office in NY. I doubt he will or even noticed she moved.

This will remove custodial rights but not parental rights. Meaning she can still receive child support this way.

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