Friends

Nicole - posted on 03/28/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have 3 kids aged 8 6 and 4, and since having kids i've noticed that i have fallen out with a lot of people i used to be friends with. it leaves me with the good friends that have stuck around and a few that i have made at work.

does anyone else out there think the same thing?

i would love to have more (this might sound a little desperate) but i dont' have the time to go out and make new friends.

ladies please let me know if anyone else out there feels the same way.

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Heather - posted on 03/28/2012

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I find that with myself too...I have very little in common with most people...I have a LOT of acquaintances but not real friends...ones that I could call and lean on or chat with...Its funny because I am very outgoing and will talk to anyone...have no problem starting a conversation with someone, but I struggle with finding deeper connections to people...I tend to keep people at a distance...so yes, I have met many many moms thru dance, gymnastics, the pool, school activities, etc...but I have difficulty connecting with them to make it a friendship...does that make sense??



And this is going to sound horrible and judgemental but a lot of our "friends" are superficial and most of their kids drive me crazy...we don't socialize with many of our friends due to different parenting styles...our children are very well behaved, we can take them anywhere and they behave well...concerts, dinner, church, dance recitals, etc...my husband and i sometimes feel that we are judged as superior to others because of this...when really, it is just that we have raised our children well? Our one close friends' daughter (who is in 1st grade as well) runs thru restaurants, hits other children, has had several behavioral issues addressed from the school, etc...and I am the one who always has to "watch" her when we get together, so it is exhausting...so we don't get together.



I too have struggled with some mental health issues...and that has caused me to shy away from intimate friendships? I am sure.

Jessica - posted on 03/28/2012

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I have a similar problem. I have ALWAYS had difficulty making friends & moved a lot growing up, which didn't help. I have very little in common with most of the people I've ever met, which doesn't help. When I was single, I found my college friends by joining a club. It took me a couple years, but I made a few friends in the end. But getting married kind of drew me away from the group a little, and having a baby took me even further out of the loop. Then we graduated, and that was it. We've now all moved away & I've lost contact with all but one of them (who also lives far away, so it doesn't help much). And on top of that, I have a lot of baggage from abuse, trauma, and mental illness, which makes it difficult to reach out and initiate conversations and relationships. My daughter, luckily, has a lot of friends from school now (she's in 1st grade); although I see her friends frequently here, together at the park, etc., I seldom see the parents. I work, sometimes long hours, and try to spend the time I do have doing something fun with my daughter/family, and so I also don't have much time to try to meet people, either, which doesn't help.



I feel pretty stuck, and very lonely. And it's been that way for a very, very long time. I'd love to have friends--not lots, that would be overwhelming--but at least 2 or 3. But no one has extended a hand to the neighbor who lies outside the norm, even though we've lived here for years & everyone knows my husband & daughter. And, quite frankly, the prospect of approaching others myself is almost terrifying. And, even if I could get over it, I have absolutely no idea how to go about doing it.



I wish I could offer advice. But I can offer my empathy.



Well, I have one idea: If you know how to talk to people, maybe take your kids to some kind of event, or if one of them has an interest in a sport or some kind of extracurricular thing, maybe join up. That's something you'd have in common, sitting w/other proud parents, and you could strike up conversations. Maybe you'll find someone you really resonate with & it could turn into a good friendship.



I take my daughter to a couple extracurricular activities, the park sometimes, and the pool. Someday I'll find a way to find a friend myself that way. I hope it works faster for you.

Heather - posted on 03/28/2012

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Nicole, I feel exactly the same...my girls are 11 and 6 and my little guy is 10 months old. I have very few friends here. I am not from the area we live in but my husband is...and you would think I just moved here! But really, I have lived here for sadly 13 years now...I don't really have my own friends but then again, he doesn't have many friends either...the friends we have are so busy too with their kids or the other ones are no longer interested in the same things...my husband's closest friend drinks a LOT and is horrible to his wife and daughter so we have cut ties to them...other friends have just drifted apart...maybe its not that we don't have friends, its that we don't make the time on either end...them or us to get together...And yes, like you I don't have much time to go out and make new ones. Most times, I am very lonely. Its nice to have some girl friends to chat with and have coffee...

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