Friends after Baby

Sarah - posted on 02/13/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Two of my girl friends...myself included got married last year, but I am the first one to have a baby out of my group of friends. When I was pregnant, I thought that my friendships wouldn't change, because we always seemed to get together when we were all in town and we have been friends for a long time. I especially thought me friendship wouldn't change with my best friend that I have known for 12 years. But I now have a 5 month old...and I hardly hear from anyone. If I don't text them I don't hear from them. I saw my best friend once since my daughter was born, and she lives only 5 minutes away from me. I will text her telling her I miss her and would like to see her...but it seems like in order for us to hang out we have to plan something in advance like a month or she cancels when we do have plans. My other friend and her husband came home for Thanksgiving..they came over and visited me to see my daughter. It was a really nice visit...and we said we would get togehter the week of Christmas but she ended up sick so we didn't. She then tells me she will be home for about a month around January time...so I told her we can go get lunch...cook at my house...go to the mall..just something etc...when it came time for her and husband to come home I never heard from her. I texted her one day to see if they or she wanted to do dinner a couples date or just a girls afternoon she said year lets plan for something next week. I was excited, because as a stay at home mom...I hardly get out. But I never heard from her. Meanwhile, all of our mutual friends were hanging out together...she and another good friend of ours went to a hockey game together. I was never invited to do anything. Granted a lot of my time is with my baby as it should be, but I feel like a plague lol....even if I couldn't do a hockey game it would have been nice to have been included or just asked if I can go out with them. I heard from my friend, on her way back home..she texted me saying "sorry I couldn't get together with you...I was really busy."

Has anyone had this happen to them? The question of a babysitter isn't an issue. My mom lives with us, when I told her a friend of mine was coming to town, my mom said she would watch my daughter for me to catch up with some friends..or my husband would if he has off.

I just feel abandoned by my friends because I do have a baby. Thought? Advice?

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Raye - posted on 02/13/2015

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Unfortunately this is not unusual. I have several friends that I was really close to, and whenever I was in a relationship they fell off the face of the earth. I tried to invite them out to dinner or something, even just me and them, and the plans always fell through. When I was single, they'd be back wanting to hang out. Most of them I have not seen face-to-face in about 12 years. We're friends on Facebook, but that's it.

I flat out asked my one friend why she no longer called me and she said she didn't want to interfere with my relationship, and I tried to tell her that she wasn't an interference, that I still needed to get out sometimes and hang with friends. But she still left me out and eventually I gave up trying.

You may get some of your friends back when they have babies, but there's no guarantees. Try to get a new circle of friends. Leave the door open if your old friends want to include you or there's something you want to invite them to do. But they are living their lives they way they feel is best, and you have to move on with your life. It's very sad. But you can't make them change.

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Sarah - posted on 02/13/2015

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Thank You! It is hurtful, but I can't wait around..as harsh as that may sound. I have a few friends that I see, a lot of the times our schedules may clash...but we will manage to see eachother. I have a new friend..I have known her for about 3 years she is starting to become a really good friend of mine. She does not have any kids but she is married. We try to get together once a month at Starbucks. It is funny how sometimes you meet someone new and they stick around when your life changds...then you older friends kind of forget about you.

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