Zengurl - posted on 01/04/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )
Searching the internet for healing and something to help me understand my relationship with my mother, I came across this site and read story after story about parents getting alienated from their kids life.
I'm daughter of 2 very strict no non sense type of people. I"m a very creative typem, gypsy free spirit that has this side supressed because my parents were really the stay at the same job for 40 years type, get married. Its worked for them though, but I'[m very very independant and for some reason, they have tried to sabotage my independence, only wanting to foster co dependecy, (really its my mom about the keepin the co depencecy alive0. Both are near 80 and never ever talk about feelings, ever..period. They raised me with fear and intimidation. Without going too much into it because I don't want the focus to be on this, I was physically beaten throughout my chidhood, not slapped, spanked, etc, BEATEN. My mother was verbally and emotionally cold, only hearing the nagging voice of someone that believes its her right to the mothers grip by criticisms (helpful though according to her) and control.
My fathers anger has affected me to this day. My mother still tries to dominate and control, as if thats her only connection control.
Mothers...why is this? Why must mothers, my mother especially, say to me..."I'm the mother your the child", I am 46. Its just recently I have been seeing the truth. I have beat myself up for the last 30 plus years because my mom and dad have so much anger and go into attack mode with me, I hate it. So I have really distanced myself but as they age, I feel guilty because my dad recently told me he won't be here alot longer. I love them so much. I tried to show them but I guess our love language is just different. Such a shame they will leave this earth with misunderstandings. I love them.
p/s by the way, I also have an almost 40 year old brother who has never moved out, hasn't worked in over 3 years and lives off my parents. I can't believe my parents could be so hard on me, and just allow someone to live rent free with no bills ever to pay, and wonder why he is a depressed person. He has no friends, ever. So I"m wondering if my parents have affected him, or are we just two weird kids..lol?
Hurt, confused, determined daughter