From which age can i spank my kids?

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Ashley - posted on 02/21/2009

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when we were younger we got a spank on the bum but we also got warnings. if we did something we werent allowed to do my mom told us not to do it again and if we did it again we would get a spanking on the bum. she never hit us anywhere else or beat us. for my youngest brother time outs didnt work. half the time my mom would look over and my brother had put himself in the corner because he figured he did something wrong. with him the only way my mom could get him to listen was a spank on the bum, if she didnt she would have had an out of control child. it's every parents opinion. i personally dont think it's child abuse and i think some children def do need it once in awhile. i'm not saying to constantly spank them but if they really need it then yes do it. my son is 9 months and when he's touching something he's not supposed to i give him a little tap on the hand and tell him no. the tap is sooo light he doesnt even feel it. i am all about disciplining your children at a young age. my mom did with us and we have all turned out perfectly fine and we are now using the techniques on our children. like i said everyone is diff though and a lot of parents have different ways of dealing with it and they also use what is best for their children. some children dont need to be spanked as they listen quite well to their parents. it's all about trial and error when it comes to disciplining children. you have to get to know what works and what doesnt work.

User - posted on 02/20/2009

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If the child is very strong willed (if you don't have a strong willed child you have no idea what I'm saying here) and you don't win the important battles it will be a disaster for you both when you hit high school. That being said, there are lots of ways to win a battle without spanking. For 4 years and older I only give ONE warning EVER, and give the warning in your most even and firm voice while your child is looking at you, using the fewest words possible. Your child will learn that you mean what you say. 95% of the time at our house the consequence is a lost privilage for the day. TV, the use of his Leapster, his favorite toy, or time out. If he's not detured from his direct defiance he gets a swat on the bottom, then we sit until he's done crying and we talk about it. If you get an adrenilan rush at all, don't swat at all.

Serena - posted on 02/21/2009

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Well here in New Zealand it would be never as they have made it illegal.  This law was put in place to stop those that "beat" their children, sometimes to death.  However, those people are still doing that as it was never legal to beat them and other good parents just wanting to keep their children in line are being prosecuted.  I think that New Zealand will definately see some really badly behaved kids/adults in the years to come.  There are already way too many disrespectful kids around this place that could definately do with a good smack to sort them out that's for sure!  I still give my wee boy a smack when he does something wrong (even though it is illegal) because I love and care about what he does and how he treats others.  And he still loves me!  I started once he could understand "no".

KathieLyn - posted on 02/20/2009

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I have never believed in spanking I was never spanked as a child and I never did spank mine, my daughter was given a spanking from her dad once and never again...there are other ways to punish your child without spanking, to me that sends them a message that you can hit, cos they dont udnerstand the difference..I dont see a difference either sorry, try to find other ways time outs, taking things away, talking to them down at their level so they understand why what they r doing is wrong but dont spank them just my opinion..

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Sarah - posted on 02/21/2009

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Spanking should not be an option as the child will think it is ok to hit others which its not.If you are already smacking your child it wouldnt surprise me if thats why your child thinks smacking other people is ok.Talk to them show them other ways of venting out aggression.My children will take themselves to another room to calm down.Or sit on the stairs for 1 min for every year of their life.And talking to find out why they are upset enough to lash out.I was smacked as a child with a large wooden spoon the out come was i ran away and ended up being looked after by other people rathert than my mother.Your child will end up hating you if you dont try and find out whats behind the outbursts.I would go on but i dont think ranting on at a mum who wants to hit their child is going to do much good.

Clare Cropper - posted on 02/21/2009

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hey bodour i am sorry you are going through a stressfull time with your children but children learn from mum and dad and any other adult who is close to them like your nanny therfore i feel that spanking them is not going to sort out this problem as they will think it right to spank people as you are spanking them.you need to deal with this firmly and tell them that it is not appropriate to spank and that if they do they will be punished by either taking away somthing they enjoy doing or sending them to their room for a time out. i know how stressfull this can be and how they get on your last nerve but it will deffinatly work out better for you and your guilt if you find another way to disipline your children....

[deleted account]



Quoting Bodour:

From which age can i spank my kids? i would have to say at whatever age your child can understand right from wrong, or good and bad behaviour.








 

Stephanie - posted on 02/20/2009

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Quoting Dolly:



Spanking is never an option. It is a betrayal to the child. They look to you for their very survival - they have no choice in that matter. As others have posted here, there are dozens of ways to handle misbehavior. Children respond best to good communication and if you are clear what the rules are and what the penalties are for breaking them, you won't have many behavior problems. The majority of kids don't need a heavy hand. Corrections should be light and become heavier on a gradient. Then give them a chance to redeem themselves when they've done wrong. Let them do a chore to make amends. But be sure they understand what it is they've done wrong. And, more importantly, always make sure they know when they're doing right.






I am 100% behind Dolly on this one.  I was spanked and sometimes the spank was more forceful then other times depending on how mad my Mom was at the time. I don't think she realized how much she hurt me, both physically and mentally. As a parent of 2 boys, 3 yrs and 12 yrs, I have NEVER raised a hand to either. I just get out my 'mean Mommy' voice - I keep it in my pocket for those emergency situations.  Due to my upbringing, I've learned not to to immediately respond in anger, whether hitting or yelling.  Having that done to me growing up has done way too much damage to my self esteem, etc.  that I carry with me still today.  I would never want to impose that on any child.   

Jocelan - posted on 02/20/2009

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If your child is old enough to speek and grab they are old enough to get taps. It can be hard to spank a child but if you find that nothing else works then a tap on the hand or butt never hurt. Most people i know got a spank once and a while and are better people for it. My ex didn't think spanking my daughter was a good idea and now she is out of control and has no respect, so good luck. Remember talk is cheap

Ashley - posted on 02/20/2009

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Quoting Christina:

I was spanked as a child when I did wrong, so was my husband...and our parents before us, and their parents before them. I don't see anything wrong with a spanking when the child is misbehaving. But as others have pointed out, it is very important to keep your temper in control before laying a hand on your child..and I do mean 'hand'. My dad used to spank me with a belt...I don't think that's right because you have no idea how hard you are really spanking them...I personally think that a spanking should only be done hard enough to catch the childs attention, not to inflict pain. There is a fine line between spanking and beating and you want to be completely sure to stay away from that line

I think you can use spanking for as long as it works. I hated getting spanked, so that form of disipline worked for me till I was 12 or 13. It didn't phase my sister though, so it only worked till she was about 8. It just depends on the kid.



i agree 100% with everything you have said!!!



 

Dolly - posted on 02/20/2009

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Spanking is never an option. It is a betrayal to the child. They look to you for their very survival - they have no choice in that matter. As others have posted here, there are dozens of ways to handle misbehavior. Children respond best to good communication and if you are clear what the rules are and what the penalties are for breaking them, you won't have many behavior problems. The majority of kids don't need a heavy hand. Corrections should be light and become heavier on a gradient. Then give them a chance to redeem themselves when they've done wrong. Let them do a chore to make amends. But be sure they understand what it is they've done wrong. And, more importantly, always make sure they know when they're doing right.

Stephanie - posted on 02/20/2009

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i was spanked only a handful of times growing up and i turned out ok.  however, i am trying not to spank...we do the time out thing and take away privileges, etc. and we have great kids.  my kids are 8 and 4.  my 4-year old acts like we are torturing her as soon as we say "time out" so she rarely earns one, because she HATES them.  i have found them to be more effective...my kids really understand and are able to communicate back to me why they got in trouble.  time outs lend themselves to more communication and learning than spanking does....that's MY OPINION.

Denise - posted on 02/20/2009

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If you have to ask they are too young. I believe that spanking is never the answer, not only because you are sending mixed signals like another poster mentioned, but because you are the person they trust more than anyone else in the world and if there is anyone who should not hurt them, it's you. I have learned through experience that there are a million ways to deal with difficult behavior that does not involve spanking (I am a mother of two, hold a degree Child Development and have worked with children for more than 17 years.) Behavior management is an on-going process (through their whole lives) and takes a lot of patience and understanding, but is very possible. Whatever you decide, be sure to put yourself in the kid's shoes and figure out what is causing the behavior in the first place. You may be surprised with the answer. Use humor whenever you can! For a crash course watch Supernanny, she knows what she is doing!

Shuron - posted on 02/20/2009

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It definitely depends on the kid. My daughter does not respond to spankings or trying to reason with her but she hates being put in time out or ignored. Every child is different and it is a parents personal decision as long as it is done out of love.
At any given moment I will change up my reactions to her behavior because she will get used to certain disciplines and not care about her behavior if she can predict what i will do.

Deanne - posted on 02/20/2009

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When my oldest were young I did more spanking. Then I started meeting with a group of other mothers and learned other ways to get my point across. I realized that I needed to recognize if I was spanking them because they did something REALLY bad or if I was just frustrated, so I resorted to that. I think the other suggestions are very good. Most of the time I saved spanking for times when their lives were in danger or they endangered others - running into the street, etc. It is such a personal decision. Good luck!

Christinarchavez - posted on 02/20/2009

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I was spanked as a child when I did wrong, so was my husband...and our parents before us, and their parents before them. I don't see anything wrong with a spanking when the child is misbehaving. But as others have pointed out, it is very important to keep your temper in control before laying a hand on your child..and I do mean 'hand'. My dad used to spank me with a belt...I don't think that's right because you have no idea how hard you are really spanking them...I personally think that a spanking should only be done hard enough to catch the childs attention, not to inflict pain. There is a fine line between spanking and beating and you want to be completely sure to stay away from that line



I think you can use spanking for as long as it works. I hated getting spanked, so that form of disipline worked for me till I was 12 or 13. It didn't phase my sister though, so it only worked till she was about 8. It just depends on the kid.

Ranecia - posted on 02/20/2009

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LOL i started getting spankings as soon as I could understand the concepts of "yes" and "no". just as my parents did me, i am doing the same with my son too.



just dont cross that thin line between discipline and abuse.

Jolene - posted on 02/20/2009

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Only when they understand why it happens. It shouldn't be so it hurts either. I find that it usually only works with kids if it hurts their feelings.

Eron - posted on 02/20/2009

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The best advice i could give is try not to, i have 4 little monsters and i find that making sure you get down to the childs level, make sure you have a firm tone and eye contact that the child will listen and will learn (and i do believe that smaking is ok as long as the parent is in control of their temper) be consistant - you will be suprised at how well cilldren respond - playschool and nursary teachers manage our childrens behaviour without smacking. When one of my sons were 1 he had a fascination with the sky tv card - my husband smacked his hand (not hard) everytime my son took it out of the skybox - guess what my son learned? to hold his hand out for a smack when he removed the card lol x

Lisa - posted on 02/20/2009

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It would definetely be best to not hit them (trust me sometimes I really want to hit my kids).  If you tell them hitting is not nice and then hit them you send mixed messages.  Try putting them in time out, sometimes it takes 30 minutes if the kids are really testing you to get a 3 minute timeout done.  Which that in itself is frustrating.  Just keep putting them back on the chair (or where ever you choose for a time out) and don't talk to them.  If you do just say "you need to stay there until your time is done".  If you get to overwhelmed put yourself in a timeout. Remove yourself for the situation and breath for a minute.  Kids are so smart and love to push our buttons, if they feel that they are stressing you out they will do it more.



Most importantly- You need toj praise them a lot when they are playing nicely, sharing, using a nice voice - anything.  That way the are trying for positive attention and not negative. 



Best of luck!



Lisa Zaikis



www.lzaikis.parentsunited.com



 

Sandy - posted on 02/20/2009

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Only when a child knows what no means. I only used it as a last resort. Only one swat. and I explained what is was for. Only if a chid is willfully disobeying or they were lying to me. My kids are older now and they are great kids. it didn't damage them for life.  But it is never ok to let yourself do more than that.

Bodour - posted on 02/20/2009

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I feel guilty to spank them, but some times they get on my nerve when they start hitting their friends or nanny, so i have to do some thing about it..

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