Frustrated single mom of child with adhd

Leslie Ann - posted on 05/13/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My daughter is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed with ADHD. For a while now she has been putting holes in a lot of her new clothes I buy for her. I am a single mom with limited income and I understand that she's probably doing this due subconsciously even maybe due to restlessness from her condition but I am literally at my breaking point and beyond stressed out because she's ruining her good clothes and making them look trashy and ragged by putting holes in them and I can't afford to just run out and buy her new ones each time she does this. Does anyone have this same issue or tips on what I can do to get her to stop this behavior?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/14/2016

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"this is happening at school so I'm not there to catch her and have her to do that in place of it. I haven't contacted the teacher about it because I can't expect her to watch my daughter at all times when she has a whole class to attend to."~~And your daughter is disrupting that class, so you NEED to address this with the teacher, so that she can keep up with consistent methods, which will help your daughter transition between home and school.

You need to use your tools, not try to do it all yourself.

As far as your expenses for the clothing, there is absolutely nothing wrong with secondhand stores.

"She does have a 504 form submitted to the school about her condition now however so next year I should be in close contact with her teacher about her behavior and allowing her extra time and help with frustrating assignments"~~Again, putting off bringing the teaching team into this conversation is not helping anyone. Stop beating around the bush, and get procedures implemented TODAY.

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Sarah - posted on 05/14/2016

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As a school nurse I advise that you reach out to the school over the summer so you don't have to worry if she is place in the right setting when the fall term commences. What are her summer plans?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/14/2016

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Ok, well, you actually did not state that there are only 4 days left in this term for your child. You just said "next year"( I haven't contacted the teacher about it because I can't expect her to watch my daughter at all times when she has a whole class to attend to. She does have a 504 form submitted to the school about her condition now however so next year I should be in close contact with her teacher about her behavior and allowing her extra time and help with frustrating assignments. The teacher may not even be aware that she's doing it at school.)

So, what you do this summer is start the implementation process. Start it on Monday, even though she's only got 4 days left. That way, it will be in place and ready to go for next year.

Leslie Ann - posted on 05/14/2016

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They are not in place because we literally just got this diagnosis on the 11th and the psychiatrist has to send the information and the 504 to the school to have it put in place but as I said in my last reply we only have 4 days of school this year so it likely will not take effect until summer school and the next school year.

Leslie Ann - posted on 05/14/2016

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I was not putting off anything. We just got this diagnosis and there are 4 days left of school for us. If there were behavioral issues with her at school the teacher would definitely contact me but she hasn't therefore I haven't addressed anything with her especially since it's the end of the school year. Also she is not disrupting class to my knowledge. I never said that she was or that was the issue and I've not been told she does by the teacher. Definitely not beating around the bush about anything, thanks.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/14/2016

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Sarah, she says that there is a 504 "now" but that she's waiting until next year to start to implement a team.

???

I'm sorry, but in our district, implementing the team and procedures happens at the same time the 504 does. Been there, done that.

Leslie, I'm curious. Are you concerned that the school system will brand you a bad parent if you admit that your child may need more assistance than she's currently getting?

Sarah - posted on 05/14/2016

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I don't understand why her IEP or 504 plan are not in place? At the very lest the scissors, pencils, pens or whatever is sharp enough to poke holes in her clothing can be removed from her desk and kept with the teacher. That's reasonable. Or, she can sit at an empty desk, or have a hands flat on desk rule. We have that with some of our kids who pick at their cuticles until they are raw and bleeding. The kids have to keep their hands is sight. These are not that hard the teacher to enforce.

Leslie Ann - posted on 05/13/2016

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That I'm unsure of. I know in the past she has used scissors but I think this is probably from a pencil or something like that because it doesn't look cut with scissors. We do have a stress ball I've given her to squeeze but this is happening at school so I'm not there to catch her and have her to do that in place of it. I haven't contacted the teacher about it because I can't expect her to watch my daughter at all times when she has a whole class to attend to. She does have a 504 form submitted to the school about her condition now however so next year I should be in close contact with her teacher about her behavior and allowing her extra time and help with frustrating assignments. The teacher may not even be aware that she's doing it at school.

Sarah - posted on 05/13/2016

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I would think that maybe giving her a different thing to do, like i mentioned before, or a stress ball to squeeze? I have many ADHD students and I while they can be impulsive, and of course fidgeting I have not encountered the behavior you describe. Does she use a pencil, scissor or her fingers?

Leslie Ann - posted on 05/13/2016

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I'm not completely assuming it is the ADHD but I've read many other parents posts complaining about similar issues with their kids and this condition. She is very impulsive and fidgety and even the psychologist told me a lot of it is being done subconsciously by her where she doesn't even realize she's doing it. I have tried to explain to her the importance and the value of her clothes and how mommy can't afford to buy her new ones all
The time if she ruins them. I have also tried grounding her for it because she knows better. She hasn't done it in a while but has recently started again. I was just curious if any other parents have experienced this and what they did about it.

Sarah - posted on 05/13/2016

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I wouldn't assume it is her ADHD, even with the diagnosis she is capable of self control or directing her compulsion in another direction; tearing paper, punching holes with with a hole punch. What consequences have you tried? If she continues, she can either keep wearing the clothing with holes or go pick out a few cheap shirts from the Salvation Army or Good Will until you can figure out a consequence that will make her quit this destructive behavior.

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