frustrated step mom looking for advice

Anne - posted on 04/14/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )




I have been with my partner for almost 5 years. We bought a house together and each have a teen and each a school aged child. We have differences in parenting regarding several issues. I never pushed the step mom thing and took a more laid back approach as to not push them away but I do stand my ground for a few rules. Keeping your area tidy, helping out the family like setting the table, respecting each other...etc.. I eat healthy and my kids always have too but he always caves and when we have his kids he.buys junk food and pop all the time. I've expressed concern over lack of nutrients being provided to them but he doesn't seem to care.

He moved the kids out for over a year due to not wanting them to do chores as they play the poor me role a lot. They moved back in and along with it came estrangement. Now here we are several years later, the kids won't even say hi to me, I asked if they liked their gift and they say yup, no thanks or anything. I have to prompt hubby to tell them to say thank you. When I ask for rooms to be tidied up, I am met with whining and ultimately nothing is done as dad does not enforce anything. My son is resenting the kids as he is asked by step dad to do chores that the other kids didn't do or were not told to do. Bottom line is anytime I say that I feel distance it ultimately becomes my fault that the kids are that way because I don't do anything with them, talk to them, etc....but how can you continue to want to do these things when the kids obviously aren't interested, they're rude, selfish and have zero respect for anyone. I am at my wits end and don't know if I'm doing the right thing by leaving. 

Thanks for reading my rant. Any input is appreciated


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Raye - posted on 04/14/2015




I agree with Evelyn. You need to be on the same page with parenting ALL the kids and enforce the same rules across the board. The kids should know that a chore request from the step parent is the same as if it were coming from the natural parent, and the natural parent should back up their spouse and be united. You both need to come up with a workable set of rules, consequences, and rewards. You will have to compromise, and maybe that means giving in on some of the snacks, but if you aren't working together, then you're working against each other. The kids are understandably confused and frustrated. You are understandably frustrated.

If you have tried your best, and you feel he is just not going to compromise and be consistent with the kids, then maybe you should discuss going separate ways.

Ev - posted on 04/14/2015




I can tell you from reading your post that there is a definite lack of communication here. You two should have sat down and ironed out what the rules for the family were and how to implement them and what consequences would go with each rule that was not followed and then implemented that and not backed down. You are not even working together to make this work.

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