[deleted account] ( no moms have responded yet )
Hi everyone, hoping I can find some other parents who can relate to the feelings I have been experiencing lately.
I am a 30 year old single Mom to a very energetic (sometimes dramatic! lol) and loving 7 yo daughter. I have been a full-time single Mom for the last year and a half approximately, since her Dad moved to another province, but a "part-time" single Mom since very early on. I always bore the brunt of the parenting load however, since her father often times did not take her on his weekends (he is a binge drinker at times), and he didn't pay child support for years until I was finally able to get a handle on the situation and get a court order.
To say the least it has been very trying, and up until this past year, I felt like I was still strong and fighting my way through it all...I started my own wedding and event decor business which I ran for 3 years while also dental assisting. But, I decided to sell it as it was too much work and took all of my weekends away from my daughter during the summers, and I went back to school to get a business degree starting Fall '15. But now I'm just second guessing everything and just feeling utterly powerless and lost. I think I am burnt out and I do not have a strong family or friendship support system. I also have very little money being a student so that definitely creates a heavy burden.
I always had friends at work, but having to deal with so much on my own, I really haven't ever been able to invest too much into my social life on a consistent basis, instead I have focused more on trying to make ends meet and on what my daughter has needed. I always felt my parents never spent enough time with us or really cared to focus on us enough growing up, so I feel I really need to be there for her and help teach her about the world. There's just not enough of me or my time to take care of my own needs, like friendship or finding a quality guy! (I was seeing a man over the past year, but he didn't want to deal with someone who had such a young child (he was 14 years older than me), so that made me feel even better! Not...
So between, not having much money because of being in school, and only having people half my age to talk to at school all day, studying late at night, parenting and now trying to get a part-time job to help me get by financially, I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and like I have no time for myself and I'm depressed. I also am second guessing whether or not I can complete the full degree now because I am finding it all so hard. I have one year done and if I do one more I will be able to get a Business Administration Certificate, which is still a great base to get into the business field. I am thinking that may be the best option to keep my sanity!
I guess I am just wondering if anyone else out there can relate to how I feel. It seems all the other Mom's I've met over the years here are still married or have a steady partner and/or close family that is around a lot. I have none of those things unfortunately. I just feel so stressed all the time, and I'm worried that I won't even be able to find a good job after all of this hard work because of the Atlantic province that I live in. I am considering a move however, as I have never felt like my home province felt like home to me. I also would like for my daughter to have more opportunities...but I definitely need to build my self-confidence back up before I could do that. I feel like a failure, but I know really all the burdens I've had to carry have just worn away at me. How do I get back up and keep my head up?