full time, single mother vs. dead beat dad

Ashlie - posted on 04/21/2015 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Son was born july 2014. Havent seen a dime from his father since nov. 2014. In total I have received about $300 since he's been born. He has not seen his son since dec. 2014 at our last court date. In the last year, he has moved about 5 times. Does not have his own vehicle. He drives his new gf's truck. He lives w/ her, not exactly sure where. He job hops ALOT, cant hold down a job for more than a month. I have NEVER kept my son from him. He knows where I live & what days I'm available. He just doesnt make an effort. Nor does his family. My son does not know him nor does his father know anything about him. Concerts & friends are more important to him. Now, I am going for child support. But, what are his chances of getting visitation? It freaks me out! I want sole custody.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/21/2015

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His chances of getting visitation for his child are good.

You should request supervised, initially, and then be agreeable to amendments if he should request and show responsibility.

Dove - posted on 04/21/2015

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Hang in there. You never know what you will have to deal w/ until it happens. It doesn't 'sound' like he will care about visitation, but I just want you to be prepared as much as you can be if it DOES happen. And yes, child support is completely separate from custody and visitation. It won't matter if he never pays a dime.. if he fights for visitations they will get ordered.

Laura - posted on 04/21/2015

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I can not imagine the anguish you are feeling for your son and for yourself. I am sorry the father is being like this. Definitely go for child support. I don't know what his chances of getting visitation are but I am betting a judge will allow him to see his child. You will probably be granted sole custody but his father will probably get visitation (unless there is some serious issue, such as the father is abusive, on drugs, or something like that). I don't think you're going to be able to alienate him from the baby however it sounds like he doesn't want anything to do with his son anyway. I would petition for support and custody and see what the father does. In the long run, it may be best that your son has some small relationship with his father (I certainly could be wrong, though).

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Laura - posted on 04/23/2015

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I am so glad things went as you wanted! You are probably right, he will probably start to flake eventually but at least you get that support for your child!! I am so happy for you!

Ashlie - posted on 04/23/2015

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It's hard because he has shown me no responsibility on his part. he mooches off of women that he ends up with. lives in thier house, drives their vehicles, bounces from job to job. he hasnt made any attempt to see his son since december. he doesnt even see his other son. court was yesterday. granted he keeps this job he has, i'll get $460 a month, i have sole custody, he gets supervised visits every wknd. i supervise them. he has to drive out to where i live, which is an hour & a half away. lets see if he follows thru. im documenting everything. i think he'll show up at first, but then it will start to be an inconvenience. i hope im wrong cuz my son derseves a father. just wish he wasnt such a horrible person.

Raye - posted on 04/21/2015

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Both your son and his father should have the opportunity to develop good relationships with each other. You can ASK for full custody. But the child is not your possession, and the father could get visitation. Why would he freak out any more than if you left him with a babysitter? If you don't make a big deal of it, your son won't know the difference. "This person's going to watch you for X amount of time, be good for them." How's that so hard?

Ashlie - posted on 04/21/2015

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haha thank you! hugs back! as much as i want a father for my son, he is just not a responsible person. but i will surely give him the oppurtunity. i dont ever want my son to think i kept him from his father or that he wasnt loved by him. i just wish his father stuck to his word about wanting to keep his family together. o well, no use in dwelling about that. my son makes me happy all on his own :)

Laura - posted on 04/21/2015

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Oh don't freak out **Hugs**. You said yourself that he probably won't want the responsibility of a child so what will probably happen is the judge will give him the opportunity and he will probably continue to be a dead beat and never engage with your child. That is usually how this goes. Please don't freak out.

Ashlie - posted on 04/21/2015

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Ya I dont expect much out of him. I dont see him taking me to court for visitation. I dont see him taking our son to his house & doing everything that is required to take care of him. He doesnt even have the essentials that are needed for him. He hasnt bought a single thing for him. I figure, if he hasnt done it for his first kid, chances are that he wont for this one. I just wanted to see what other ppl thought. He is a child & very irresponsible. His priorties are screwy.. girls, concerts, clothes, game systems, etc..

Dove - posted on 04/21/2015

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You can certainly suggest supervised to start since they don't know each other... whether the judge rules that way or not I can not say. Your son may just have to freak out until he adjusts or your ex may decide it's not worth it.

Ashlie - posted on 04/21/2015

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Oh man, this is freaking me out. I've been at my son's side everyday since he was born. Joint custody would be a nightmare for me. Yeah, he doesn't fight for much w/ anything. When something is too hard he gives up. I have read & have been told that child support & visitation are 2 separate issues. I am going to court tomorrow for child support. I will continue to keep my door open for him to see his son. If he wants set days out of the month, he'll have to take me to court. But ya, he's a selfish person. Only cares about himself & what suits him at the moment. His other son is almost 6 & I am going thru the same thing his mother is.. only she doesnt waste her time w/ court cuz she knows how he is. He hasnt seen his other son since oct. 2014! I just dont understand how you can willingly go months w/o seeing your kids!

Laura - posted on 04/21/2015

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I can't predict how the court will rule but I seriously think that he will not have to be supervised if he hasn't shown past bad behavior toward you and the child (the abuse and drugs, etc.) I am sure the judge will probably allow the father to have visitation (or maybe joint custody but it doesn't sound like Dad is going to fight for it) and he will probably not have to be supervised by you or a CPS officer. I could be wrong, though.

Ashlie - posted on 04/21/2015

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And I'm fine w/ that. But, if he hasn't been in my sons life since he's been born, can I suggest supervised visits? He knows nothing about this kid & my son would freak if I wasnt there during those visits. I really don't see him paying child support nor sticking to visitation if he was granted that. But, I gotta consider everything.

Dove - posted on 04/21/2015

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Almost 100% guaranteed... if he wants to see his child he will get visitation.

Ashlie - posted on 04/21/2015

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He is not abusive nor on drugs. He drinks, but not to the point where it's a problem. I do want sole custody though. I will allow him to be in the childs life like I always have. If he wants visitation, he'll have to take me to court. I can't see him doing that because it requires effort. My door has always been open for them to have a relationship, but I never push the issue like I use to because he doesn't make an effort. I can't see him taking our son for a day or the weekend even because he would have to assume real responsibility! Mind you, he has ANOTHER son from a previous relationship that he doesn't take care of either! I just want the best for my son & for him to know that I really tried and I hope the courts see that!

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