Getting a 6-year-old to sleep in her own bed

Marcy - posted on 07/22/2015 ( 19 moms have responded )

13

0

4

I've been dating a guy for about 6 months who has a 6-year-old who won't sleep in her own bed. She says she can't fall asleep all night but when she stays other places she sleeps all night by herself without waking up. I've talked to my boyfriend about getting her out of our bed and he agrees but says I need to work on this since she's with me until he gets off work at 11:30PM. What can I do? Im so tired of waking up exhausted every morning from her squirming all night long and kicking me in the back!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/22/2015

13,207

21

2014

The point is, you have a system with her, and he isn't following it. You are NOT the parent, and he IS, so he needs to BE THE PARENT. It's great that you are willing to take this on, but in the end, if her father isn't participating, you're not going to win this battle.
Next time he lets her into bed, rather than taking her back to her own, you wake him up and make him take her. If it happens again, don't wake him up, you just go to her bed and get a comfortable night's sleep.

Ariel - posted on 07/22/2015

40

0

7

Hmm.. That is a good point. If she knows that daddy will cave it'll make it harder on you, but far from impossible. Yes, talk to him about it, but you can't change him. If he's asked you to do it/you're the one having the most trouble with it, then it's up to you to make the change. Everything is a partnership 100/100, but some things you can just take charge on.

Ariel - posted on 07/22/2015

40

0

7

Why don't you ask him to wake you up then when she comes? I know it'll be a difficult process, but the end result will be worth it.
Warm milk, and certain teas can make it easier for her to fall asleep/ back to sleep after this occurrence.

19 Comments

View replies by

Skyy - posted on 07/29/2015

1

0

0

My 8 yr old daughter, 6 yr old daughter and 3 yr old b/g twins still sleep with me. I don't like it but they are so used to sleeping in my bed, like from the hospital bed to my bed lol even as newborn babies they hardly ever slept in a crib

Tara - posted on 07/27/2015

7

0

2

He is the parent not you , he should be the one to change that I don't see why you have to make her sleep in her own bed...unless there is a jealous streak she feels your taking him away from her?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/27/2015

21,273

9

3058

And he should be addressing this if he wants it to change.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/27/2015

21,273

9

3058

It is not your place to call the shots, and change their home.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/27/2015

21,273

9

3058

How about you go sleep in a different room if it bothers you so much? You are not a step parent. He is the father. Maybe he wants his daughter in his bed? Maybe he actually loves having her with him? I don't know. But you have only been together for 6 months. That is a big deal for this little girl, and she should be allowed to sleep where she is used to sleeping. It sounds to me like these were the arrangements before you (moved in?) came along. You pushing her out of her fathers bed is just going to create resentment in my opinion. Kids are HARD to sleep with. But both of mine (5 and 9) are welcome in our bed anytime. Kids have nightmares. Kids want to be with their parents.

Marcy - posted on 07/22/2015

13

0

4

Thanks everyone for the advise!! I'm going to talk to him about this problem later on, and see what we can resolve out of the issue while working together on it. :)

Dove - posted on 07/22/2015

11,618

0

1348

So when you get kicked awake... tell him to take her back to bed. If he doesn't... YOU go sleep in her bed. Problem solved.

Marcy - posted on 07/22/2015

13

0

4

I can't just make his deal with her squirming all night when she sleeps in between us though is the thing. I feel her move and accidently kicking me and I wake up. We've also been really good Friends before we dated for about 3 or 4 years, that's why we're so involved.

Dove - posted on 07/22/2015

11,618

0

1348

6 months also isn't a very long time to have a relationship and have you this involved (living together, parenting).... Are you in this for the long haul?

Dove - posted on 07/22/2015

11,618

0

1348

If he won't participate in getting her to stay in her bed... it won't work. Tell him that you will take the first shift (until he gets home), but then it's his turn... and if he won't get her to go back to her bed he's going to find her sleeping in your bed and you sleeping in her bed... HE can deal w/ her squirming all night while you can sleep in peace.

Marcy - posted on 07/22/2015

13

0

4

That's what I'm trying to do. I'm not taking on his responsibilities as a parent, I'm pretty much her step mom since her mom isn't in the picture so these are some of my responsibilities also.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/22/2015

13,207

21

2014

Wait a minute, wait a minute...You quite obviously have her starting to sleep in her bed, if she's coming in in the middle of the night, so he needs to be a parent, walk her back to bed, read with her, tuck her in and move on. She's not going to change if he doesn't change, and he's expecting you to take on his responsibility as a parent.
Put your foot down and retrain the both of them

Marcy - posted on 07/22/2015

13

0

4

I will try that tonight, Thanks so much!! Maybe tomorrow ill wake up feeling refreshed instead of exhausted and irriated. 😊

Marcy - posted on 07/22/2015

13

0

4

Well everytime she wakes up in the middle of the night to come to our room, I never wake up and he just let's her crawl in bed so he dosent have to listen to her cry in the middle of the night since I have to get up for work in the morning. I'm working at this more than he is, and he has full custody so it's an every night thing.

Ariel - posted on 07/22/2015

40

0

7

I have been in a very similar situation! My niece is 7 and finally (usually) good about sleeping in her own bed. I think the best way is to spend time with her in her bed, read, whatever, let her fall asleep with you next to her, then you can leave. If she wakes up, walk with her back to her bed and again, stay till she falls asleep. She needs to be comfortable and feel safe sleeping in her own bed. Once she's sleeping well with you leaving, read with her till she's sleepy, then get up telling her, "I'll be right back I need to ----, then I'll come back to check on you". That works great! Sometimes just knowing that you're close by and coming back is all they need to sleep peacefully. I always go back and peek in later, and she's already out every time!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms