Getting Frustrated

Candi - posted on 12/15/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have a three year old daughter and my son is now eight months , I've found that I'm hardly having any patience , It's like when he's crying she's crying ..He will wake right back up when I put him to sleep so it's like I'm never getting a break and my husband works third shift so of course I'm the main one dealing with our children. I feel so overwhelmed because my daughter is at the stage where she cries no matter what I say to her even if it's in a nice way ...I really need some advice .

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Sarah - posted on 12/16/2015

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It is tough, to have to leave social events early or to turn off the TV. By ten she is probably over tired and that is why is takes her time to decompress. It won't take too long to readjust her schedule, if there is one spot to start it is moving her bedtime back 15-30 minutes every few days. When she is well rested, she will be much more flexible and content. So will you. Hang in there and ask questions. Lots of moms her can give great ideas and advice. The public library is a great place to spend time and make friends and wear her out! If she goes down at 7 then when you come to bed you can turn the TV on low for yourself.

Sarah - posted on 12/15/2015

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Candi- be patient with me, it's been awhile since I had tots but I was a SAHM of four for several years.
First: you have to back up her bedtime, unless you really love that sleeping in and you can get the 8 month old on the same schedule. My mom was a natural early riser but my aunt was not, my cousins would come to visit and my sisters and would wonder why they slept at ten AM? To each family their own. You find what works for you and what makes you happy. I will say at 3, you girl could start pre-k and then there is no more sleeping past 7. Your choice.
Here is a sample of a schedule when I had two or three wee ones:
7am rise and shine, potty and milk for toddler (Hopefully little man is either already up and drinking a bottle or still asleep)
7:45 breakfast for both
8:15 teeth brushed and get dressed
9-10 mommy and toddler play time (hopefully little guy is snoozing)
10:15 snack and milk
10:30-12 independent play or help mom with housework (at three she can sort socks, dust, or put her toys away) Little guy will wake during this time and be hungry
12 lunch
12:30 play, story outside time run errands (around 2 little guy goes back down for nap number two)
3:00 snack
3:15-4:30 story, quiet play; puzzles, ABC, some independent play; coloring, magnets on fridge ( little guy rises from nap and can join in play with sister)
5 pm dinner
5:30 daddy time or outside for a walk
6:00 snack or milk (yogurt, fruit, crackers)
6:30 bath, teeth, pjs,, stories, snuggles
7 kisses and night night for both
this may be too rigid but it is an outline, my kids were up at 7 and down at 7 for the most part. When a new one arrive you have to adapt the schedule to fit the new one. Sleep begets sleep, a well rested toddler is going to sleep better then an overtired, overstimulated toddler. If they she needs a nap put her down right after lunch and wake her after 1.5 hours.
I was not a morning girl myself, but those quiet hours at night ere well worth the trade. Baby and toddler down by 7? Then I had til 9-10 to myself!
Now if you are putting your 3yo down at ten, you can't just flip her to 7. Move it by 30 minutes a day and she will settle into a pattern. Every day can be a bit different.
If something doesn't make sense ask away!
It is ok to resort to a video, tablet or TV for a bit each day, it will give you that extra thirty minutes to spend with you 8 month old. hang in there.!

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Candi - posted on 12/16/2015

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Thank you so much , I really appreciate it . You went above and beyond for me and it definitely helped me , I also let my son cry last night ..It went on for about thirty minutes I then went in and discovered he had a stinky diaper I changed him and put him back in his bed ..He cried some more and then finally went to sleep.

Candi - posted on 12/15/2015

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Oh my goodness thanks for that outline , I definitely didn't have a clue and you just made my life easier . I'll definitely follow that schedule with a little bit of changes (because like you said she will need time to adjust) when I lived with my mom we never had a set schedule so I had no idea where to even begin ..And no she doesn't go to day care or Pre school (they don't really have a lot of Preschools around here that will take her ) she's really smart too , She loves to be read to , I've been reading to her since she was a newborn .My husband works third shift so he's able to watch her while I work . Sometimes she won't take a nap during the day and when she lays down at ten like now she won't go to sleep for another couple hours . We've also started a baby habit with her watching T.V at night so she will not sleep unless the T.V is on ..And because she sleeps with me , I have to have the T.V on I can't sleep with out it , I know I'm going to have to make sacrifices .

Sarah - posted on 12/15/2015

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When she goes down at 10 does she sleep thru til 11?
ETA does she nap and does she go to preschool or daycare?

Candi - posted on 12/15/2015

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Okay thank you so much for responding . My daughter usually goes to bed around ten and that's because it's hard to get her on a set schedule . I also get up with them late . What's an appropriate time to get up in the morning ? I struggle with getting up because I'm up all night with my son , So we usually get up around eleven which isn't enough time for her to even take a nap and then be in the bed at a decent time . She still sleeps with my husband and I and I'm finding that if I put her in the bed by eight . She will get right back up within a couple of hours . Any tips on putting her back to bed when that happens ? How can I make her stay sleep ?

Sarah - posted on 12/15/2015

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If your 3yo daughter cries at everything you say, perhaps she is over tired? My kids were space 2.5 years apart, like yours and it is a challenge. Early bedtime and routine, routine, routine; part of my salvation is when my fourth was born my then 7 yo went to bed a 7:30. So I had a bit of time alone in the evening before the night nursing etc.
I am often surprised to hear that many mothers think keeping kids up late will make them sleep in; when all it does is make them crabby the next day. When your daughter cries; tell her she can have her cry and when she is done you will let her pick a book, have a snack, or choose the next activity. She need to be rewarded for learning self control rather than punished for loosing control. She dealing with big feelings of a new brother who is now not just asleep all of the time. Try to ignore the negative and praise the positive.

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