Getting him to take care of himself!

Jessica Anne - posted on 08/16/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




My son is now 21 years old, and we have struggled most of his life with bladder control problems. However he is an adult now and wants to leave the house, and I am beginning to worry if that is his only problem. He has trouble keeping his self hygiene in check, and he doesn't use his head the way other children his age do. No amount of discipline in his life has ever gotten him to keep is his room or surroundings clean, and he just doesn't seem to mind living in filth? He has rebelled against all of mine and my husbands efforts to get him to become a functioning adult, now has left the house. He has stopped coming home and we don't know where he goes? He sneaks in the house when he knows no one is home and takes food and washes clothes and showers. But now he is wondering to other family members begging for money and to use their bathrooms like he is homeless?? I am completely lost! I don't know what else to do, I have sought out a therapist for him but he will not go, and sought out more medical attention for his bladder problems but he wants nothing to do with any of it. The child is basically homeless because he doesn't want to be here if he has to clean his room!!?!?! His father and me are divorced and he has had nothing to do with him for years except little visits here and there, and he's going on like nothings wrong. What do I do? Is there special help I can get for him?


Chet - posted on 08/16/2013




This is really hard. I'm so, so sorry that you're going through it. The thing is though, your son has to do this for himself. You can't will him to want for himself what you want for him. If he reaches an absolute point of rock bottom and you can confirm mental illness adult protective services may be able to help, but honestly, things don't sound nearly that dire. Lots of 21 year old guys are slobs, do stupid things, and don't want their mom telling them what to do. Lots of people make mistakes in their twenties, learn from them, and eventually go on to be mature functioning adults. If he's sneaking into the house to eat and shower at least you know he's maintaining a minimal level of hygiene and personal care.

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