Getting my daughters last name changed

Morgan - posted on 04/15/2014 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Alright so this may be long and I apologize in advanced, I have a lawyer but want advice and information from people who have lived similar situations.
When I became pregnant the father was at the time my boyfriend, he denied any possibility that it was his child when I let him know. Obviously he was not ready to grow up and got into drugs and theft. I quickly broke it off when I was about 3 months pregnant because he would not step up and claim the child. Towards the middle of my pregnancy I moved an hour away and the father could not care less. No big deal because I met a new guy who throughout the course of my pregnancy became my best friend then we became serious. When I gave birth to Reagan Sue my boyfriend was there day in and day out helping to support the two of us. He even allowed me to take a year off work so I could spend time with my baby. I did not put the father on the birth certificate due to the fact he was not involved and I did not care about child support. The father's mother found out and was outraged and hired a lawyer and an DNA test was issued. Reagan and I hired a lawyer and went and completed out half of the DNA test then waited for his to be done.
My boyfriend and I got married almost 6 months ago (fast I know but when you know you know) and we went to lawyer to get Reagan adopted and last name changed to his (since he has been there since day one and she even calls him daddy)
We went to my lawyer to see if the DNA test has been completed by the other half and it had been so we refiled for termination/adoption.
Now a year since the DNA test has been ordered and almost 18 months since my daughter was born we are still waiting on them to comply with the court order.
My lawyer said at the end of May we are going to refile and speak with a judge. I am extremely nervous about this. What are the chances that the other party will receive a second chance and the adoption is denied???
He has not paid a penny or even seen Reagan. He never asked about her or even truly claimed her as his own and never complied with the court ordered DNA test that his mother requested a year ago. My husband on the other hand loved this baby girl and has been there since day one providing for her and being there 100%. My lawyer says the odds are in our favor but I need to hear it from people who have lived it.
Thank you>

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Stephanie - posted on 04/16/2014

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You might also want to check on your States stance on Grandparent rights.. if they do not have any Grandparent laws in your state than you should be able to have all the claims by his mother dismissed (I lived in RI and they have no Grandparent laws so I was able to have all the claims by my ex-husbands mother thrown out when she tried to interfere in our custody case). Also Shawnn is right, have your lawyer look into filing for abandonment, if your ex is not and has not ever been involved with the child. Adoption and child laws vary from state to state so follow your lawyers advice and hopefully you can have it ll resolved quickly. Try and stay positive and the best of luck to you!

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Morgan - posted on 04/22/2014

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Grandparents do not have rights in the state of Texas, but she filed the dna request under his name and through his lawyer. They have a really messed up family and all do exactly what their drug induced mommy says. I am just so terrified. My lawyer said we should be fine and things should go smoothly next month since it has been over a year since the request was filed and they have not done their part.

Amy - posted on 04/18/2014

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Grandparents dont count if your bbygirls father didnt ask for the dna or anything ealse related to that you should speak to your lawyer . Its like if your mom calls the police when your husband hits you and they ask who called and you say your mom did then they cant press charges unlesd you say you asked her to call i know a little of topic but similarities also when it comes to adoption if the father doesn't care gramma cant do anything

Morgan - posted on 04/15/2014

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There was a no contact order set in place last July because his mother was harassing me. and we have all their criminal records and everything. It is very clear that the entire family is toxic and makes me sick to my stomach thinking that they could possibly be in my daughters life.
Hopefully my attorney is right and in May the judge will lean our way even though the DNA test has yet to be done. I did not realize how big of a deal it was. But it should be a sign that he still has not complied with it.
He is extremely childish and only cares about smoking all day.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/15/2014

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Well, you could perhaps file abandonment, but I think that also requires establishing parentage to begin with.

However, if you're in the US, even if you're using a family attorney, the request for adoption usually has to be published in legal notices, and respondents allowed to chime in. So, when the announcement is published, his mother will most likely protest anyway, and you'll still be fighting.

Its best that he does it the legal way, and just signs off his rights. You can't make him, and it sounds like he may just be childish enough to be an asshole about it. Follow your attorney's advice to the letter. Don't give his mother a wedge. By getting him to sign away his rights, she won't have a wedge, but until then...

Good luck

Morgan - posted on 04/15/2014

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so we could be waiting years. There not a penalty after so long of waiting? or a cut off date?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/15/2014

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In order for the adoption to be legally completed, he has to vacate his rights.

In order to do that, he has to submit to the DNA test. Anything else will be a vicious circle.

Morgan - posted on 04/15/2014

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Whats going to happen if he does not comply. I honestly do not think he will. it has been a year and we have sent 10 or more reminder letters.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/15/2014

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He's going to have to respond to the testing. Its court ordered. And, when/if it proves to be his child, expect him to have a turn around about being involved. If he does, you will have to comply.

If he doesn't turn around, then he should agree to signing his rights away so that your current spouse can adopt.

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