Getting Organized

Alex - posted on 09/17/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )




So, I am a mother and step-mother. I am currently "picking up the pieces" of my Fiance's last failed relationship, by this I mean that the children had to go through a lot of neglect from their mother and now they need one, more than ever. ****edit PLEASE do not confuse "picking up the pieces" for being a "rebound" he separated from his ex years ago, and she was negligent LONG before I came around and became a part of our family!**** (Long story short, she got severely depressed, cheated on my fiance when they were together and got into drugs/alcohol. A huge, HUGE, mess.) Now, I KNOW that it is not my job to fix what I didn't break...but I can help them cope...My way of doing so is providing packed lunches, entertainment, a shoulder to cry on when they want it, keeping my home clean and neatly decorated, etc.

I just need more ways to be "crafty", fun, organized and remain frugal whilst doing so.

A little background:

Currently, I am working full-time. 9-5, Monday-Friday.
I am a full-time student.
I have three children. Ages: 8, 7, and 2.5 (the eldest are my step children)
My Fiance works 55 hours a week, never consistent days off (UGH, I hate this but I deal with it)
I am 22 years old.

and last but not least, I am absolutely DESPERATE to remain the Stepford wife/mom. I know there is room for mistakes, but with these children losing so much from their biological mother...(She is 35 and is dating a BOY, MY age)...She ran off and now is living in a cockroach infested the ghetto..trying to get pregnant with her boyfriend because he is African American and she (and I quote) "wants a 'Little nigglet'" Please don't be offended by what I am saying, these are her words verbatim, not mine. I am by no means against Mixed couples (my son's father was Chinese) ..but I find the reason that she is with him to be vulgar and racist.

With everything that is going on between the children and their mother...I just don't want to make them suffer for any more shortcomings.

So...I suppose I am looking for more distractions for them? Organizing tips? Step-parent advise? Anything to make their lives and MY life...easier.


Jodi - posted on 09/17/2014




OMG, you have gotten yourself involved as the rebound relationship. Your fiance is NOT ready to move forward, and you are right now setting yourself up for disaster. You should not be a shoulder to cry on over the failed relationship. How long have you actually been together?

Secondly, I am assuming your fiance is close to the biological mother's age? How dreadful that she has run off with a BOY your age???? See they oxymoron there? I understand the children are damaged by what mum has done, but it isn't about being with someone your age, because apparently their father can do it.

My point is, neither of these parents should be with anyone right now in any kind of relationship. They should be focusing 100% on those children and their relationship with them. Given you are "picking up pieces", your fiance doesn't even have the right to his relationship with you until he sorts his shit out.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/17/2014




Neither of these parents should be seeking a relationship (much less marriage) right now, as it seems that neither of them has really figured out the whole situation.

Your 'fiance' is letting you do his work. Stop allowing that. Its not for you to fix anything, its not for you to step in. ITS HIS RESPONSIBILITY. Where's HIS shoulder for HIS kids? Where's HIS effort? Answer: You are providing it.

If it's not ok for her to be dating a BOY your age, then it's not ok for your 'fiance' to be dating a GIRL of your age...put it all into perspective. Once you hit that age of 18, age is truly irrelevant.

So, save yourself some heartache. Make your boyfriend step up into his parenting shoes and BE THERE for his kids. Sounds like he needs to take some time away from work, if he doesn't have the time to be the kids rock and their shoulder. You will end up with a broken heart, and a bitter outlook, because you're giving all the love you can to those kids, getting nothing in return, and that never works out well.

Raye - posted on 09/19/2014




Okay people, she was asking for organizing tips and fun projects to help entertain the kids. I'm sure, with the comments she's received so far, that she's very sorry she included so much detail about her situation. But, we all need to vent sometimes.

Movies are a great distraction if you need to get other things done around the house. And kids will usually watch the same 3-4 moves over and over again. I hate having them zone out in front of the TV, but sometimes it's a godsend.
As far as crafty things:
If you dip the bottom of plastic 16 or 20 oz. pop/water bottles in paint, they make a good flower pattern stamp.
Give them some buttons and pipe cleaners and see what they come up with (cars, trees, etc.).
Plain lego's aren't as expensive as the kits and can be used over and over to build all sorts of things. The Lego movie told us to become master builders and use our imaginations (like I did when I was little before all the kits). My kids are very methodical and focused when it comes to putting a kit together, but they laugh and play more when creating something from the basic blocks.
Have them use newspaper, colored paper, etc. to decorate (collage, decoupage) a plain box. They can use it as a place to store some of their toys.
No one in my household is good at the organizing thing, so if you get that figured out, let me know.


View replies by

Alex - posted on 09/19/2014




Thank you Raye!

In fact, I really am pretty great at staying organized. I LOVE "life hacks" and everyone that I find that applies to my life, I jump on any chance I get.

Here is a little like of just a few that are my favorites.

If you google "mommy hacks" you will be AMAZED!!

Thank you for the tips for arts and crafts. My daughter will love the water bottle idea and my sons definitely love legos!

Alex - posted on 09/17/2014




I never requested any form of praise, nor did I feel as though I was encouraging negativity.

It may be none of my business, but it is something that is affecting the children influence my youngest son, that live in my home, with me and my Fiance and I am seeking guidance.

The children see a counselor twice a week and have been doing so since I moved into their home last year.

You're right, being twenty-two does not define being a man or a boy. His decisions are what depict that. Choosing to ride a skateboard for transportation, smoking drugs, and dating a woman that is over a decade older than he is... also struggling to kick addiction and that recently just received a DUI WITH injury...yeah...he's a man alright...

You can call me a little girl as much as you want to. I have my priorities in line and I make responsible decisions. Whether or not I have accumulated as much life experience as another might be relevant but I work every day to be a positive influence in their lives and it's difficult.

I was seeking help in what I am trying to accomplish, not get bashed on by someone that clearly disagrees with my views. You could have just as easily kept clicking.

Dove - posted on 09/17/2014




So... do you want a cookie or something?

Not sure why you've posted other than to slam the mother and brag about yourself here... If she is causing them harm then it's up to the father to handle it through court... push for supervised visits if need be. Her relationship w/ this other guy... while sounding bad from your perspective... is none of your business and 22 isn't a boy... unless you want to be called a little girl... 22 is a legal adult, so age has NOTHING to do w/ anything.

If the kids are having issues it might be in their best interest to be involved in some counseling.

Alex - posted on 09/17/2014




Well, for starters:

My Fiance and I have been together for nearly 3 years, I have known him since I was very young and have only just gotten engaged in February. My fiance and his ex (they never married) separated five years ago. He has had a lot of time to heal from the broken relationship.

Their mother did not start dating the younger man until about 8 months ago (coincidence it was right after my fiance and I announced our engagement.) My fiance is 29, I am approaching 23.

The damage that was ensued by the children occurred when they were toddlers. Their mother was horribly negligent and very selfish, they never even really had a mother until I came around. Also, their biological mother only started coming around to see them (unannounced and usually late in the evening when we are eating dinner or to their school to "play") once my Fiance filed for full custody. She has only got her own best interest in mind, this much has been made VERY clear. The reason I have been a shoulder to cry on for the children, is because their mother is very...crass and she continually hurts their feelings whenever they spend time together. So, naturally, they turn to me...and ask questions...need hugs....need encouraging words of wisdom etc.

I agree that their mother should NOT be with her "boy friend" right now. She should be focusing on putting herself in a better situation with steady employment.

Don't get me wrong, my Fiance is VERY put together. He is the Ceo of his own Health company that focuses on Homeopathic wellness, which has recently blossomed into a clothing company. He has been consistently in the industry since he was my age. He has done nothing but care for these children on his own since day 1. I am merely picking up the pieces for the children and THEIR emotional trauma....reason being, a mother is usually much more tender than a father; in times of stress, they come to me for comfort and distraction.

Thank you

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms