GETTING OVER A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RELATIONSHIP

Michelle - posted on 12/01/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi everyone,
New to this and I just needed somewhere to vent. I'm 21 and just today it makes about 8 months that I got out of an abusive relationship that I was in since I was 17 years old. I thought that everything would go back to normal and I would forget about all that I been threw within time since I always try to stay positive but lately I catch myself thinking about him or having dreams/nightmares about our relationship. As far as i can remember at first he was everything i was looking for and after a couple months I don't ever remember being in peace in the relationship or even truly happy I always felt obligated or forced to be with him because I could never tell him I wanted to leave the relationship or else I would get choked, slammed on the door, kicked, anything to stop me from trying to walk out on him (as he would say). I cant count how many times I came close to either ending up in a hospital bed or a coffin. There was always the cheating and the lien from him and the woman he had but I always seemed to be the one to be blamed for his actions. never once was I unfaithful to him i couldn't even speak to another man in fear that he would find out and kill me and who ever else i spoke to. The night it all ended i was put in a place where i had to say this is enough because it got to a point where there was no type of respect he never was home he was doing all types of drugs his friends were his family and i wasn't worth anything to him. After a couple months i thought i was stable enough to start a new relationship since i found a man who was the complete opposite from what i was dating he's pretty great but I see myself lately starting to be aggressive and demanding towards him. I get angry very easily and if i feel threatened even if its playing around i tend to hurt him or anyone in that particular matter. Is it possible that im still not ready to have someone new come into my life? I come for any type of advice or help on how I could be able to over come my horrible past and any tips on healing yourself in and out. Thank again for reading and hope to see any positive feedback

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Carol - posted on 12/01/2013

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Hey Michelle ,
Well I'm only 19 years old so idk if you would be comfortable taking advice from someone that's younger than you . I really hope I can help tho . Everything you said up there sounds horrifying and I can't imagine how scarred you are because of everything that was done to you . When you're put thru domestic violence it doesn't only effect you physically but emotionally too . It can take time to get over the fear and pain , and try to feel safe again . You need time to heal yourself so maybe getting into a new relationship so quick might not be the most helpful thing to do . Specially because you explained that you get angry very easily and find yourself hurting him it can result in you guys losing respect for each other very quickly and you're going to find yourself stuck in the same situation you were in before . You might need alone time , time to find yourself again . I've never been in a violent relationship so I wouldn't really know what you went thru but I hope I helped . I wish you the best of luck

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