Getting ready to fight for full sole custody against my sons father

Alyza - posted on 10/23/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have been with my sons father for the past ten years on and off my son is currently 5 years old. My sons father was verbally and physically abusive. That last incident was in April of this year we were engaged for about a month and a half until I could not deal with his controlling actions and the way he lived his life. He is a drug dealer who smokes and drinks all the time. I know for a fact he owns guns and has them in the house he is at. He always has drugs in the house. We would fight a lot because that was not the way I wanted to live or raise my son and his son. So i told him one day that I could not continue to accept his ways of life and he got upset and put his hands on me, pulled me hair just dragging me around like a rag doll in front of my son and his son. I cried for help but no one helped, i screamed outside for help but nobody helped i did not want to leave the house without my son, his cousin came downstairs and took the boys upstairs. He had called the cops on me to make it seem like i was the one acting crazy. smh My sons father kept attacking me after he went in the backyard to hide his gun and drugs, I grabbed a knife and told him i would stab him if he put his hands on me again. He came towards me and said go head stab me bitch you aint going to do shit and mushed my face and grabbed a handful of my hair so i defended myself. The cops came about 5 minutes after that and they talked to us separately i told the officers what happened im scared and cant believe the person i loved and gave my life to did that to me. When my sons father came outside to go into the ambulance he said to my face "you know i love you" like how crazy does he sound. I wrote a statement but did not go to court because he was threatening me that he was going to press charges and I did not go because of my son. I cant let him get custody of him. He is unfit. He is very violent, always said everybody respects with violents. He has money because he sells drugs so it would be like fighting a war in court. My son has been exposed to things a child should not have been exposed too. The one day when i came home from work when we lived together i heard my son call his father a crackhead. That pissed me off so much like how can you father a child if you cant filter the words that out your mouth. He would smoke weed and cigs in the house and cook up in front on my son, which always started a big argument. He would call me names in front of my son. And that is not how i wanted it to be. I currently live with my mom and she is a big help because i work at night. I do not have his father on child support because i always felt like it was going to cause a bigger fire. I told his father that i have opened up an account for our son so he can put money there for our son not for me because i make money for us anyways. I though that should have so much easier to do than child support probably not going to get shit! what like 100 a month what is that not enough to support a child growing everyday and will need funds for his tuition when he gets older. It has always been hard for his dad to work a real job. He likes to live the fast life. I have not let my son go with his father because I am afraid for my sons safety. His father has a lot of problems with people because he owes them money and recently was shot at his car has a couple bullet holes. I havent taken any pics yet but i planned to before he gets it fixed. The lifestyle his father lives with cause great danger to my son mentally and spiritually. I need help. What can I do? I can write here for hours about what me and my child has gone through.

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Alyza - posted on 10/23/2016

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Your right. And I just know its going to be a fight he has the money for a loyal, ima need proof. He has a criminal background, he has visitations right for his other son because the mother is untfit but somehow still has primary custody. Like what other proof can I get? I dont have funds for a loyal, so its like how can I win.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/23/2016

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You cook meth, or crank, or speed, no matter what the name, it permeates the house! Do you not see almost daily where a cook facility in a home caused the contamination of the ENTIRE STRUCTURE, resulting in demolition? Your son was IN THAT CRAP. He HAS BEEN EXPOSED TO DANGEROUS CHEMICAL LEVELS.

If you are clean, good!. What, then, is stopping you from taking a legal approach?

By the way, it is not uncommon for the partner to also be an addict. Why, otherwise, would they allow a child to continue to be endangered? Because, by continuing to remain in the situation, you DID endanger that child. Don't get on your high horse with me about your poor choices.

As I stated, I am NOT A STRANGER TO THIS CRAP. You aren't going to make me believe that you didn't know the dangers...that because the child was in a different room, he is fine.

My best friend has a meth kid. She stopped the day she learned she was pregnant, and fortunately the boy is fairly healthy, but there are issues. Your kid MAY get lucky, or not.

At any rate, stop trying to validate your past behaviour. You made mistakes. You have removed him from the situation, but you still need to address it legally, and if you are clean, you have nothing to fear in that regard.

Alyza - posted on 10/23/2016

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He never used to have anything in the house until my son and I moved in with him. I understand that I could have gotten into trouble as well. I got out of the situation because he was abusive and continue to sell drugs. We were together on and off for the past 10 years. We didnt live with each other for all those years. Yes I should have reported him but I really did not want my son father to go to jail and my son be without his father but it looks like that was going to happen regardless because his father just doesnt care to change his life around for his boys. I am a single mother i work go to school, it is not easy raising a child by myself. My son def has been exposed to a lot and I have been getting him back on track. I just want to protect my son, what I allowed is completely my fault but I am changing that. I just dont want my son growing up thinking it is okay to that and end up like his father with a record. His father sometimes comes to see our son for like 10 15 min and thats it it is messing up my son he is having behaviors of pooping on himself and he is 5 years old. For the past 9 months we have been living with my mother and he gets all the attention he needs, my brothers love him my whole family is supportive of everything. And I know I should have listened to my mother a long time ago and I didnt. Mothers are always right! I learned that.

Alyza - posted on 10/23/2016

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And it was not meth! just saying. And some people that live in the ghetto that is the way of life to provide food shelter and clothes.

Alyza - posted on 10/23/2016

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I would be at work come home and he would be in the kitchen and my son upstairs it would cause a big fight between us all the time. He would promise he would have gotten a job and stop doing what he was doing. I never did drugs my son is a healthy little boy!! That was kind of insulting because you just automatically assume I was doing drugs like no!

Alyza - posted on 10/23/2016

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Sweeite I am drug free! He would cook up in the kitchen send our son to the room. I have no issues with myself. I do not do any drugs!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/23/2016

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Are you afraid of court because you know that you won't test clean either?.

I'm sorry, but you were allowing the cooking of METHAMPHETAMINE, and you are prosecutable as well. Grow up and face the consequences. Your son need immediate medical attention, since you continued to allow him to be exposed to that shit. He can have life long medical complications.

We're you doing meth the whole time you were pregnant? One doesn't"just live together" with a cook unless they, themselves are a user. I know. Have had plenty of experience.

What you need to do is initiate court proceedings, and if that also means you have to go through a lot of crap...well, you raised your son in a crack house.

Hopefully you are now clean and sober. I wish you the best.

Ev - posted on 10/23/2016

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I see so many red flags here. First, why stay with a man you know is dealing in drugs and weapons that are most likely illegal? Second, you do realize if police had come to raid the house he has and you were living there you would have been arrested as well not only for the drugs but for being neglectful of the child for exposing him to the drugs and so forth. Third, how an you knowingly not tell the police of his drugs, weapons and illegal means of making a living? I can not understand why you have allowed this to continue like this. Abusive or not he is breaking the law and you should have reported him. Fourth, as with any custody issue you need to take it to court and get it settled. Lastly, because you have known for years that this man is a drug dealer and other, I am not sure why you never did something sooner.

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