Getting your Grown kids to move "OUT"

Kim - posted on 02/28/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have 4 daughters 24, 22, 18 and 16 my two oldest have NO desire to leave the nest my 18 yr old just joined the Army However, I think I babied the older two because i was a stay at home mom the younger two i went to work when they were little due to a divorse...the younger ones cant wait to leave but those big ones ...they are running me ragged i work harder taking care of them now then io did when they where babies...Please any ideas....I couldn't wait to leave home...

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Kristin - posted on 05/15/2013

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My son is 19 years old and lives at home. My husband got his degree while he was in the Air Force so when he retired he still had his whole GI Bill benefit. He split it, two years each to our two sons. Our 19 year old just finished his first full semester at college and failed two courses for which he'll have to pay the VA back. He is a music major and the classes he failed were he the only two basic required college courses he had to take. He gets almost $900 housing from the VA. We have him pay for his car insurance and then save half the remaining which is $400 a month. He's made no effort to get a summer job and just blows the other $400 a month that he gets on going out to eat with friends. My husband feels that we should let him live at home while he is in school. I feel that he is making no effort at anything and I'm ready for him to move out of my home. I feel that he is just taking advantage of us. I'm looking for others opinions. What would you do?

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Coleen - posted on 03/02/2010

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Luckily my son, who is 18, couldn't wait to move out! However, I do have a suggestion. How about a chore list? It sounds kind of childish, but it might work. Have assigned chores for everyone in the house ~ including you. Divide them up evenly and even use a gold star system - if the adults are going to act like spoiled children by having mom do all their cooking and cleaning then start treating them like children! Rotate the chores every day so no one can complain that "I did that yesterday!" By adding your name to the list, it is showing them that you are taking responsibility too. Even though, WE know that you have taken more than your fair share of responsibility! Treat them as roommates, every roommate is responsible for maintaining a clean house! Their rooms can be kept however they want them, but they are responsible for their own laundry, each person has to cook dinner at least one night a week, take out the garbage and clean the bathrooms and other shared living areas. Its only fair, and it teaches them a sense of responsibility as well as REAL LIFE!

Rebecca - posted on 03/02/2010

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It was hard for me to ask my son to leave, I was running around doing it all for him. Now that he has moved out & pays rent to someone else he realizes how lucky he was. I still worry about him making it & he knows that he can come to me if he needs something. I see him about once every couple of weeks, he is experiencing life. The hardest kind of love is tuff love. Best of luck to you.

Chantelle - posted on 02/28/2010

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Stop doing anything for them, don't even let them eat in ur home, Force the issue. show them that it's time they start to make their own way int he world

Kim - posted on 02/28/2010

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Thanks Sandra, They Do do laundry and clean however, they exspect me to do dinner every night even when they are home all day and i'm at work, and its the constant picking up and doing dishes after people thats driving me crazy...i have backed off ..going on STRIKE I call it i wont shop and when the food runs out they dont shop they order out ....my husband and I have just sat them all down to discuss "RENT" they are almost done with college so i figure if i make it less comfortable they will want there own space ....we will see..if this doesn't work i will need to give them a time frame ...wish me luck

Jodi - posted on 02/28/2010

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Change the locks, LOL. Seriously though, how much are you charging them to live under your roof, and how much do they contribute to the household chores? It is possible you are making it too easy for them. STOP DOING THINGS FOR THEM!! They are adults. They can do their own washing, make their own meals, do their own cleaning, and they should be paying for the privilege of being there. If you are doing all of this for them, where is the incentive for them to move out?

Sandra - posted on 02/28/2010

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Yea, stop running yourself ragged after them. Just remind them your all adults and you have needs as well. Let them do their own washing and a share in the housework. Its not easy believe me aI also have four with similar age gaps to yours, they are 25, 26, 28 and 30 now. They all left home early on but the youngest was like a boomerang and came back twice before she managed on her own. Good luck.

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