Girl 9 with ADHD

Ellen - posted on 11/26/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My just turned 9 year old has to be told the same things over and over and still won't clean her mess unless I stand right there.She cannot eat without getting food everywhere,worse than a 3 year old,But yet she is mature for her age, but leaves things everywhere and forget to do things she will put off,it is so disturbing because it's as if she's saying I AM NOT DOING IT, and just doesn't do anything I say. I put signs aroung the house for reminders and she doesn't read them,HELP.

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Jodi - posted 4 days ago

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Hmmm....it isn't normal for a 4-5 year old to still be getting food everywhere either. She still needs consequences. I agree with the idea of her having to clean it up.

Elona - posted 5 days ago

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That can be so frustrating, for sure! I want you to know I have ADHD, and I have 2 kids with it. I can assure you from my personal experience that the things she's doing are typical for kids with ADHD, and are NOT YOUR FAULT. This is NOT a case of bad parenting. You're obviously a terrific parent because you are trying to help! You care! Her brain just works very differently from the way other "normal" kids' brains do. It's the reason she is mature for her age - in some areas - but messy and forgetful in others.
Here's the thing: Kids with ADHD are anywhere from 3-5 years behind other kids developmentally - memory, emotionally, socially, and attention, etc.... So if you think of her behaviors, are they more consistant with how a 4-5 year old acts? Sounds like it.
Does that mean you stop trying? No. Does that mean she gets out of consequences? No. She still has to clean up her mess. She still has to find her stuff.
But she may need more help that you would have expected for her physical age. Sometimes just knowing that takes a load off your shoulders because you don't feel like you've failed. Sometimes you have to grieve to let go of the daughter you expected she would be - at this age. She will most likely get there, just not when you expected. :)
I don't know if I'm allowed to tell you the websites I've gone to trying to get help. They are free. I guess you could ask the Admin. But look up executive functioning. ADHD strategies. There are specific things that help kids with ADHD.
You're doing good mama.. I thank you. Seriously, I thank you. It's HARD being a kid with ADHD. Having a good mama who is willing to help with the things that are hard can make all the difference in the long run.

Jodi - posted on 11/26/2016

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I agree with Ev - what are her consequences. This has NOTHING to do with being ADHD and more to do with being undisciplined.

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